watermelonjuice Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 If a conversation with a guy on online dating goes on for about only an hour and he asks you out on a date the following day, is that too fast? Does it show that he's not willing to put in more effort and time to know you before asking you out?
CarrieT Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Not necessarily. I got to a point where I would have the endless conversations and really get to know someone only to realize when we met, there was NO chemistry. For me, if there is interest and great conversation, I would rather get to the first meet-and-greet as soon as possible. That way if there is no chemistry, I don't feel as though I've wasted a lot of time getting to know someone that isn't going to work out. But I'm one of those who have been on DOZENS and DOZENS of "first dates" where there might be mutual interest and decent conversation, but no chemistry.
carhill Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Substitute 'talking in the mall' for online and extrapolate. This is presuming you know what he looks like and have sufficient cues as to his sanity. Was the conversation sexual or topical? How did it flow? Bla, bla... If you want to go out, do that. If not, not. There is no right or wrong answer. If I met a lady OLD whom I got on with, I'd have no problem asking her out for lunch tomorrow or a meeting for drinks after work. No biggie.
Author watermelonjuice Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 No, I don't think it's wrong (or right). I just wonder if the effort was a little lacking. Though now from LS I can see that it may not be the case. Carhill, the conversation wasn't sexual. It flowed though I would have preferred if he had asked me questions that I would have liked asked. Like some follow-up questions instead of just questions he wanted answers to. Does that make sense?
carhill Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Additional questions: Was this conversation online or on the phone? If online, would you like to talk over the phone before agreeing to meet him?
Author watermelonjuice Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 Additional questions: Was this conversation online or on the phone? If online, would you like to talk over the phone before agreeing to meet him? It was online. I didn't think of talking on the phone before arranging to meet. Probably because I don't really like to chat on the phone in general. It wasn't so much that I wasn't comfortable meeting just after an online chat but I was wondering if there might be a reason for his "rush."
carhill Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 From a man's perspective, and certainly from my life experience, both here on LS and IRL, getting into a 'chat' habit with a woman ends a man up in one of two places; either as a 'friend' or a 'tampon'. For myself, mostly, it's been the latter. I won't speak for other men but romance for me happens from pressing flesh, looking in eyes, smelling scents and similar. It doesn't happen through electrons. If we have enough synergy to find each other's dating profiles and initiate contact, then the next step is a brief phone conversation and then, if that goes well, meeting in person. If you're unsure and wish other, state your preference and accept his response. It might mean he'll move on to the next potential. It might mean he'll chat some more. Only way to know is to take actions in accordance with what you feel is healthy for *you*. I'll qualify my advice by stating I have traveled for thousands of miles, as well as just a few, to meet a woman in person for the purposes of romance.
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