Jump to content

I'm having a really hard time moving on...should I go for no contact? What do I do?

angelina.tangerina

By angelina.tangerina
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

angelina.tangerina New Member

angelina.tangerina

Posted
Posted

So about two weeks ago, my boyfriend of about two and a half months broke up with me.He said he just couldn't handle a long distance relationship, he wouldn't be able to contact me as much, stuff like that. I took it kind of hard, because the way I see it, if you really love someone you can make it work. Guess he didn't want to make it work as much as I did. But I agreed because when you love someone you put their feelings before your own and it was what he wanted. Anyways, we ended it agreeing to be friends (even though I burst into tears after we got off skype), but I am having the HARDEST time getting over him. I know it seems kind of silly since we were only together for a few months but I still loved him. He was my first serious boyfriend, and I guess the first cut always hurts the deepest? He left for college, but I'm stuck in our hometown where I see reminders of him EVERYWHERE. So I'm wondering, for the sake of my mental health, should I just cut off contact with him, at least for a while? Just delete him from my friendlists with a short and sorry explanation? I still want to be friends, I just can't handle it right now. What do I do? And any other advice regarding how to get over him is welcome. I'm really having a trouble, this is my first time being on the receiving end of a breakup and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

TragicAlliance Established Member

TragicAlliance

Posted
Posted

Like you said... you put him over yourself when you agreed to this breakup. Well, if he cares for you at all, he'll put you over himself if you tell him that you can't handle it right now. If he can't accept that you need some time to heal, then he's not worth keeping around as anything.

 

The first love, no matter how long or short, is ALWAYS the hardest to get over. But if you hang in there and don't let yourself slip back into old habits or old ways, you'll toughen up and be much stronger for it. And you may even find someone who can treat you awesomely, and when you see all those reminders you'll think back and say "Who was he?" when his name comes in your mind.

 

Believe me, I know that letting go is difficult... but if that's what you feel you want to do - and I get the feeling that that's the case - you have to be strong and don't go back on yourself. Keep going forward, one day at a time, and pretty soon you'll feel better and stronger. Have faith.

  • Author
angelina.tangerina New Member

angelina.tangerina

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Like you said... you put him over yourself when you agreed to this breakup. Well, if he cares for you at all, he'll put you over himself if you tell him that you can't handle it right now. If he can't accept that you need some time to heal, then he's not worth keeping around as anything.

 

The first love, no matter how long or short, is ALWAYS the hardest to get over. But if you hang in there and don't let yourself slip back into old habits or old ways, you'll toughen up and be much stronger for it. And you may even find someone who can treat you awesomely, and when you see all those reminders you'll think back and say "Who was he?" when his name comes in your mind.

 

Believe me, I know that letting go is difficult... but if that's what you feel you want to do - and I get the feeling that that's the case - you have to be strong and don't go back on yourself. Keep going forward, one day at a time, and pretty soon you'll feel better and stronger. Have faith.

 

Do you think if I try the no contact rule for as long as it takes, afterwards we could still be friends? We were friends before and I'm going to miss that.

TragicAlliance Established Member

TragicAlliance

Posted
Posted

Some friendships can weather long amounts of time apart... some friendships can't. It depends on the depth of the friendship you have with him that will determine if you have one that can handle the distance.

 

I understand that you are going to miss his friendship - I'm sort of in the same boat. But if you feel like you need the time away to heal, do not be afraid to take that time. In life, you have to first make yourself happy before you can make anyone else happy... gotta take care of yourself first. If he is a true friend, he will understand your need for space and will give it to you. Yes, he'll probably be upset as well...

 

But if this is worth saving, he'll understand you're not trying to be mean, but just trying to take care of yourself.

silly_panda Established Member

silly_panda

Posted
Posted
Do you think if I try the no contact rule for as long as it takes, afterwards we could still be friends? We were friends before and I'm going to miss that.

 

 

When you are totally over him, you will be able to be friends... Don't worry about it...

 

"if you really love someone you can make it work"

 

This is very true... But it takes two parties to make it work...

  • Author
angelina.tangerina New Member

angelina.tangerina

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
Some friendships can weather long amounts of time apart... some friendships can't. It depends on the depth of the friendship you have with him that will determine if you have one that can handle the distance.

 

I understand that you are going to miss his friendship - I'm sort of in the same boat. But if you feel like you need the time away to heal, do not be afraid to take that time. In life, you have to first make yourself happy before you can make anyone else happy... gotta take care of yourself first. If he is a true friend, he will understand your need for space and will give it to you. Yes, he'll probably be upset as well...

 

But if this is worth saving, he'll understand you're not trying to be mean, but just trying to take care of yourself.

 

Thanks, that really helped. I'm going to try for the no contact, I don't think there's any other way around it for me. I don't want to just delete him without any explanation so is this okay?

 

'Ha ha so I know this probably seems ridiculous to you (and I’m once again making things more difficult than they need to be), but it’s just me being an over emotional girl again. I’m deleting you from my friend lists and stuff for a while, it’s kind of distracting for me and not helping me move on at all when I see your name and picture every day. You’re still really great, I still miss you lots (I guess that’s sort of the problem), and I still really want to be friends and everything, so once I’m done being stupid, can I add you back on again? Sorry, I know this is silly and I hope it doesn’t offend you.'

Edited by angelina.tangerina
TragicAlliance Established Member

TragicAlliance

Posted
Posted
'Ha ha so I know this probably seems ridiculous to you (and I’m once again making things more difficult than they need to be), but it’s just me being an over emotional girl again. I’m deleting you from my friend lists and stuff for a while, it’s kind of distracting for me and not helping me move on at all when I see your name and picture every day. You’re still really great, I still miss you lots (I guess that’s sort of the problem), and I still really want to be friends and everything, so once I’m done being stupid, can I add you back on again? Sorry, I know this is silly and I hope it doesn’t offend you.'

 

This message will probably drive him off. I think the best way you can handle this is through actually talking with him about it rather than leaving a message and then running away. I'm very guilty of the whole "drop a bombshell letter and beat a hasty retreat" thing, and it has never worked for me. Sit him down and discuss this with him, one-on-one.

 

Ask him to be understanding on your needs and explain that your emotions are a little volatile right now and you want to heal yourself so you don't manage to lash out at him in a moment of weakness (because wanting to do just that WILL cross your mind as this goes on). Tell him that you're not trying to be spiteful or mean, but that you're hurt and that you'll need some time to recover. Ask him to respect that, and ask him to be there for you when you come back.

 

If he is willing to do these things, then he's someone worth recovering for. If he isn't, then just drop him and move on with the experiences learned as a result of this relationship. This is your first serious romance... you'll have others! And maybe one day you may just stumble across The One.

 

Don't give up! =)

M2155 Established Member

M2155

Posted
Posted

I was going to send a note and delete my ex and I still don't think that's a bad idea (especially if you are going for friendship, if you're going for something else then maybe not). I felt petty doing the FB delete like it's such a big part of our life or something but there is something to it. (I admit I have not deleted him yet but it' s a whole other story).

 

I wanted to just say something like Hey, I need to defriend you for a little while. I want to be friends but don't want the constant reminder of the old relationship while I'm moving on. You know how to reach me in real life if you ever need to talk. Leaves it open for him to contact you if he wants but let's you feel you defriended him "nicely".

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...