sweethoneyri Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I've been dating my current boyfriend for over 4 years. I see him 2-3 times a week for a few hours each time. I sleep over his house only every few months and we only are intimate once a week at most. He says he uses porn about once a week, sometimes more...but he says he loves me, doesn't know what he would do without me and even talks about getting married. I've only been in a few long relationships and I hate to compare but, even though I am absolutely in love with him, this just doesn't feel normal. I'm 100% happy with him until I think of all of the above. When I ask him about it, he reiterates that we need to take things as they come and let the relationship do it's thing. Things are great right now and I don't want to rock the boat but I also don't want to have this in the back of my head for weeks to come...just not sure about these mixed signals...
brokendreamz Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I'm in a similar place albeit only weeks in to a relationship. I would ask him outright and make it plain to him that unless your relationship progresses, you need to end it... See what happens - if he's not fussed you may be dodging a bullet! Good luck
Yookie Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I've been dating my current boyfriend for over 4 years. I see him 2-3 times a week for a few hours each time. I sleep over his house only every few months and we only are intimate once a week at most. He says he uses porn about once a week, sometimes more...but he says he loves me, doesn't know what he would do without me and even talks about getting married. I've only been in a few long relationships and I hate to compare but, even though I am absolutely in love with him, this just doesn't feel normal. I'm 100% happy with him until I think of all of the above. When I ask him about it, he reiterates that we need to take things as they come and let the relationship do it's thing. Things are great right now and I don't want to rock the boat but I also don't want to have this in the back of my head for weeks to come...just not sure about these mixed signals... How old are you two? After 4 years he should know by now if he wants to move the relationship forward or not. Judging by his response he prefers to keep things going at the same pace indefinitely. When he talks about marriage again then you should take that opportunity to find out exactly where he stands. Ask him when he plans on proposing to you.
Author sweethoneyri Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 He's 31 and I'm 26. I agree...he should know by now and his complacent attitude has me feeling like I'm being settled for. I'm in no rush to get married and wouldn't want him to get the wrong idea but the routine, although always fun, is reaching that dreaded level of monotony. I think I will definitely bring up the proposal next time he mentions marriage. We'll see how much he actually is attached to the idea. Thanks!
Author sweethoneyri Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 brokendreamz - it is a little scary to think that we are still spending the same amount of time together as we did when we first starting dating. And 3x a week is a good week for us! I've left him once before, for other reasons, and it took him 3 months to beg me to return. I think we may have entered friends zone since it doesn't seem to ruffle his feathers much...
FitChick Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Marrying him won't guarantee things will get better. It will probably be just as boring only you will be stuck. People need to marry before their relationship has peaked. Yours has been on a long, slow downhill slide. Sometimes people would rather choose what is familiar than what is productive.
Author sweethoneyri Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 Marrying him won't guarantee things will get better. It will probably be just as boring only you will be stuck. People need to marry before their relationship has peaked. Yours has been on a long, slow downhill slide. Sometimes people would rather choose what is familiar than what is productive. He is very much a creature of habit so I suppose where I'm also stuck is not if whether or not he loves me...it's if his love is good enough...? That sounds horrible but, like I said, I love him. We still have fun and I find myself falling in love with him all over again every time we are together...but I want more than a 2-3/week visit. These differences in opinions/levels of emotion can't be normal when the love is right...right? Or this is where the whole relationship is really wrong...talking myself in circles here. Sorry! Thanks for the insight!
Author sweethoneyri Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 I was laughed at and told that my concerns were unfounded and ridiculous. Every excuse in the book was thrown at me and now, I'm heartbroken and single. I'm not doing this relationship thing again...don't have the energy in me.
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