ganghis Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 (edited) I know it's over. I know I am still in love with her. I know I am holding onto the small chance that she may want me again in the future and that is why she is lying about being in a new relationship. I just don't understand why she would need to lie to me at this point. Why? I know it isn't a privacy issue because she told me she didn't want to be private with me, that we are friends. So why won't she admit she is with him? I feel so pathetic and weak. I am hanging on to the small chance that she might still love me and that is why she doesn't want me to know. Im hoping to be her back up. Just to have her again. Someone talk to me, please. I am pathetic. Truly pathetic. Edited September 5, 2011 by ganghis I need someone to talk to, I need it now.
katie.x Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I know it's over. I know I am still in love with her. I know I am holding onto the small chance that she may want me again in the future and that is why she is lying about being in a new relationship. I just don't understand why she would need to lie to me at this point. Why? I know it isn't a privacy issue because she told me she didn't want to be private with me, that we are friends. So why won't she admit she is with him? I feel so pathetic and weak. I am hanging on to the small chance that she might still love me and that is why she doesn't want me to know. Im hoping to be her back up. Just to have her again. I am pathetic. Truly pathetic. You are not pathetic, you are normal. How long ago was the break up and did you go NC with her? First step anyone on hear says after a break up is NC. Helps to move on the fastest and helps to show what both parties really want from each other - either a second chance or to part ways. She is possibly lying because she does care and doesn't want to hurt you, but simply as a friend. I was hanging onto the hope my ex may still care but as time has gone on, I am caring less and less. Granted, he screwed me around, I have reason to hold negativity towards him rather than fond memories, so as I don't know how things went down with you and your ex I couldn't really say as to how you'd be able to move forward. All I can say is focus on YOU. You need to heal yourself as it gives you the best chance in everything - possibly getting her bad in the future, meeting someone new, just feeling better in general and so on. But I have been told it is not a good idea to try hold onto hope and I can see that now.
smudge21 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Hey dude, my ex is getting married and yet I still have hope - you think you're pathetic so what does that make me? I hate hope - it's something we can't control and often don't want. It feeds off any small scrap of info and doesn't let us see the truth. In reality you probably won't get rid of this hope for some time, it will keep hanging on. One day though it will just be gone. I know that from previous experiences. One day I just no longer cared and was happy again. You can't force yourself to stop feeling this way, it has to come on it's own. All you can do is try to stay focused and busy - hope feeds on the times when we're alone with nothing to occupy our minds. The truth is, even if she told you outright she was seeing someone, it wouldn't change how you feel - you'd still be like you are now, but there'd be another reason to think about her. I will say one thing though - it is better not to know some things. I heard a lot of stuff and each one just made me feel worse and set me back - now I live in ignorance, as even though I know what she's up to, actually seeing or reading about it seems to hurt more. Just tell yourself she is with someone and that's that. Force yourself not to think about it as it only leads to more hurt.
Author ganghis Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 (edited) Thank you for your response. I needed to hear those words. We broke up 5 months ago after being dating off and on for 4 years. We have maintained contact but have gone about a week without talking, usually after an argument. She told me she still has feelings for me, but she just needs to be alone right now, and that is why her and I can't be together and why she can't be with anyone else either. But she is with someone else. That is why I am confused. I don't know the game she is playing. If feels as though she is stringing me along, but at the same time it feels like she is done with me in the intimate sense. Yesterday was the last time we talked, I got upset with her because she was disregarding my texts and phone calls and asked her if she just wanted me to go away. The conversation when back to the guy she was dating and again she denied dating him. I dropped the conversation and having spoken to her today. I think I need to do NC at this point. I think it will help us both figure out where our feels are and give me a real opportunity to let her go. it is just so hard to function without her. We were best friends, she was/is the closest person to me. Edited September 5, 2011 by ganghis Thank you, Katie.
katie.x Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Thank you for your response. I needed to hear those words. We broke up 5 months ago after being dating off and on for 4 years. We have maintained contact but have gone about a week without talking, usually after an argument. She told me she still has feelings for me, but she just needs to be alone right now, and that is why her and I can't be together and why she can't be with anyone else either. But she is with someone else. That is why I am confused. I don't know the game she is playing. If feels as though she is stringing me along, but at the same time it feels like she is done with me in the intimate sense. Yesterday was the last time we talked, I got upset with her because she was disregarding my texts and phone calls and asked her if she just wanted me to go away. The conversation when back to the guy she was dating and again she denied dating him. I dropped the conversation and having spoken to her today. I think I need to do NC at this point. I think it will help us both figure out where our feels are and give me a real opportunity to let her go. it is just so hard to function without her. We were best friends, she was/is the closest person to me. How do you know she is dating someone? Is there a possibility you are wrong. If I were you, with what I learnt hear and reading all over the web, drop it. Drop everything. You have to stop chasing her as she left you, have to wait for her to come back, if she wants to. Chasing her pushes her further away, trust me, you need to go NC.
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