irc333 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 ....in their dating profiles. Or romanticizing a profile? I see this on occasion. Phrases like, "I'm looking for a guy that will massage my shoulders after a hard day at work" or "Gives me a kiss every morning before work" or "hold your hand while out shopping" or "When he passes behind me in the kitchen, I like him to touch me with his hands on my waist gently" Don't get me wrong, this is great, but I often wonder if these are the kind of people that instead of saying, "I like to be affectionate" why get into detail about it as if it were a romance novel? Is this the part where people build their expectations up too high?
oaks Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Is this the part where people build their expectations up too high? Sometimes the advice for writing profiles is to show what you are like rather than to say what you are like, and this seems to be an example of showing that they are affectionate (or that they like affection) rather than just stating it. I don't see a problem with it, but of course you're free to not contact those women if you don't like it.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I agree with what Oaks said. Different people have different interpretations of what the word 'affectionate' means. Some guys assume that means she's going to put out on the first date. Better to provide an example.
carhill Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 IMO, they're drawing a picture. Men are visual creatures so they can associate the pictures in the woman's ad with the actions she is 'suggesting' she likes. Smart saleswomanship. Transparent, but smart
grkBoy Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 ....in their dating profiles. Or romanticizing a profile? I see this on occasion. Phrases like, "I'm looking for a guy that will massage my shoulders after a hard day at work" or "Gives me a kiss every morning before work" or "hold your hand while out shopping" or "When he passes behind me in the kitchen, I like him to touch me with his hands on my waist gently" Don't get me wrong, this is great, but I often wonder if these are the kind of people that instead of saying, "I like to be affectionate" why get into detail about it as if it were a romance novel? Is this the part where people build their expectations up too high? I think it speaks that they want someone who can wear their heart on their sleeve...someone who isn't afraid to be affectionate, sensitive, or romantic. Some guys can do that, and many others wall themselves up into the stone-cold emotionless thing...thinking it's how "real men should act".
Author irc333 Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 I think it speaks that they want someone who can wear their heart on their sleeve...someone who isn't afraid to be affectionate, sensitive, or romantic. I do wear my heart on my sleeve, however, putting it in words in great detail is something I would not do (but that's me), but I think it MIGHT pose a question as it being an "Online Dating Don't" Falling into the "too much, too soon" category, does it not? I just hear about a lot of "Do's and DO Nots" when it comes to online dating, but my main question is, are THESE one of them?
carhill Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 If you find the woman's appearance and prose attractive, contact her. Use her 'massages' and 'touching the waist' as an impetus for some polite flirting. She put it out there. Own your response to it. If that garners you nothing, it does. If a date, that.
grkBoy Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I do wear my heart on my sleeve, however, putting it in words in great detail is something I would not do (but that's me), but I think it MIGHT pose a question as it being an "Online Dating Don't" Falling into the "too much, too soon" category, does it not? I just hear about a lot of "Do's and DO Nots" when it comes to online dating, but my main question is, are THESE one of them? I agree with you. Too much in the initial chat or even first date will turn off even these women. In all actuality, and maybe I'm being cynical here, I notice a lot of the women who write these profiles still want Mr "Stone Cold Masculinity" or the "bad boy", but they want him to step out of his character and write her poetry, bring her flowers for no reason (as opposed to a "shut her up" reason), and cook her candlelit dinners. Again, I'm probably being cynical, but I'm mainly of the mind that sensitive or closed, the women still want tall, dark, handsome, confident, successful, etc. That if you're not fulfilling some or all those traits then you're screwed.
FitChick Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I call that good writing. How often have you read the same things over and over in profiles and can't remember who said what, when, where? I put a lot of thought and energy into my profile to distinguish myself from the herd of cows. I prefer reading a descriptive profile because it gives me a sense of the man's educational level, his personality, his sense of humor. I am a visual person and love it when a man paints a verbal picture. Don't just write a list that is identical to all the others.
sm1tten Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 For once, a woman is saying exactly what she's looking for - no need to guess or wonder with this one - and that's bad? I do not get the "do's or don'ts" of OLD, especially as they seem to vary so much. I guess I'm lucky that I'm successful at doing whatever feels right without wondering a whole lot about how it looks - it's the only part of dating I don't over-think, really, my profile and the messages.
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