male_latte Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Ex and I were together for 5 months before she called it off. It was only until that she broke up that I felt bad for not doing anything to respark the relationship. I know she still has feelings for me but she just can't 'fall in love' with me. I'm just disappointed because I brought up the fact that our relationship felt like it was dying, and she called it off only 3 days later rather than trying to work through it. How do I go about proving myself again?
Author male_latte Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 I told her during our relationship that we will be amazing friends after we break up. I know now that's a big mistake because she knows I'll still be there for her.
silly_panda Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 "I felt bad for not doing anything to respark the relationship" I did the same mistake as you... I really know how it feels when you knew you could have done something back then but you didn't... And now just live your day regreting on those little things that you didn't do... She still has feelings for you, but I guess it's not enough for her to stay in a relationship with you... I don't really know what's the rite path to go... But this is what I'm doing now... Go no contact with her... Do not initiate any form of contact with her... Don't be her friend... Let yourself heal and move on... Don't bother thinking she will come back or not... You will know when she does... Or you can just try the other path... Go after her again, improve yourself and prove to her that you are really serious this time around... Stay close to her... The choice is all yours... Good luck...
silly_panda Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Forgot to mention... Which ever path you choose, you have to fix your problem first... Never take anyone for granted again... Improve yourself and be a better person for your next relationship (regardless it will be with her or someone new)...
DenumChkn Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Hey guys I'm going through this same thing right now. I would highly advise against 'going after her', as part of the reason she ended it is because she was TIRED of being around you (at that point in time). If you give her space, she very well could come to realize that, while you have some faults, you are mostly a good guy and deserve a second opportunity to prove you can change (don't tell her you will, just DO it). It will be hard at first, but you must resist any temptation to phone, text, facebook message etc., NO CONTACT means just what it says. I go back and forth between eagerly awaiting my ex breaking the NC and dreading it, as I am not really sure what I will say. I just know I will NOT beg, act mopey or try to argue my way back into the relationship. I try to focus on the reasons why I think she dumped me, and how I can improve myself in those areas so that I won't have to tell her, she will just SEE it. This all becomes much easier when you actually get over her and realize you can still have fun with your friends, still date other girls and just act how you did when you were single before you met her. I'm not quite all the way there yet, but some days I feel like that (stay SOCIABLE). I am still on the fence as far as hooking up with other girls, a big part of me would feel guilty about it, while another part wonders if it would make her realize I still have value. Also I think when NC is broken, it's important not to ONLY blame yourself and point out the ways in which you will change - she, after all, did the dumping, so I think it's important to make 'getting back together' a mutual task - not a blame game. If you can communicate and recognize both your own faults and the other persons without turning it into an argument, I think their is some hope of rekindling the passion that sparked the relationship in the first place, and possibly even improving it by proving to each other change is possible. I don't want to give you (or myself haha) any false hope though, so just hang in there for now and try to move on and focus on improving YOU.
silly_panda Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 DenumChkn... Totally agree with you... Rite now I can't go full NC with her cause I have got some unsettle issue with her... And she is already with someone else... We do contact each other but it's very limited and she initiated it all the time... And everytime we talk, my response will be short and straight to the point... She seem to be unable to accept that I don't wanna be her friend... But I don't care about that... All I wanted is to focus on me and heal... For her coming back or not is out of the question rite now and I don't really care anymore... I knew where my mistakes was and will definately fix it... I won't repeat the same mistake... I also agreed with you on don't get into a new relationship unless you are ready...
Recommended Posts