ShortyJones Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 --oops, need help before I am in too bad... How do I not fall in love with someone I'm having an affair with? Is there a rule guide anywhere??? Month two of this insane affair, I'm feeling a bit too involved and I have been reading this forum for a few weeks now, I am concerned. I'm not sure I'm meant to be the other woman. Maybe if I didn't like him so much and if he didn't make me feel so freaking awesome it wouldn't be so hard.
Author ShortyJones Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 How do I not fall in love with someone I'm having an affair with? I posed a question. I could write up the diary of the situation but have read it here before, it's the same song and dance that all single women who are having affairs with married men go through I imagine. Is there anyone out there with advice on how I stay non-emotional with this and enjoy it for what it is before I get too deep into it.
Author ShortyJones Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 That's easy for you to say, you're not in the affair. I'm seeking answers from other people who have experience with this, and that's why I have read this forum for awhile, to get the answers not "end it".
Kidd Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 End it. I say you should keep a tally of the advice you receive here. So far, that's 2-0.
Star Gazer Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Go the The Other Woman forum here on LS - there are tons of other OWs there who will answer your questions, although probably with the same answer: end it.
Saul Goodman Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 You would no doubt get more direct advice from the OW/OM forum. If you can't control your feelings for this guy, than being an OW probably isn't for you. So end it.
denise_xo Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 You have answered your own question. You're getting too emotionally involved. Unfortunately, we don't come installed with 'on/off' buttons or other equipment that can relieve us of our emotions, so there's no one on this board that can tell you how to turn them off. As long as you keep seeing him, your feelings will be nourished and kept alive. Now that you have acknowledged that you are too emotionally involved for this, what is your next step going to be?
Author ShortyJones Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 I see I am in the wrong forum, didn't see the other one, my apologies. I'll start a new thread with my details tomorrow in that forum. Thanks everyone, Denise, I don't plan on ending it. I want to learn tips on how to control my emotional involvement.
RainDown Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I see I am in the wrong forum, didn't see the other one, my apologies. I'll start a new thread with my details tomorrow in that forum. Thanks everyone, Denise, I don't plan on ending it. I want to learn tips on how to control my emotional involvement. Logically speaking, you do the opposite of what is causing you to feel emotionally involved. You're spending time with this man whom you like so much and who makes you feel freaking awesome. Every time you see him you are going to feel freaking awesome and your emotional involvement is going to increase (just like what's happening now). That's how emotional entanglements work - the more you engage, the more entangled you get. You cannot apply logical and intellectual "tips" to emotions. Emotions do what they do no matter how you try to control them. The only tip that is going to decrease your emotional involvement is to avoid doing those things that are causing the emotional involvement in the first place - spending time with this person you like so much and who makes you feel freaking awesome has to stop if you want to put the breaks on the emotions it's causing. I have a feeling that is not what you want to hear, but that's how it is.
denise_xo Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Logically speaking, you do the opposite of what is causing you to feel emotionally involved. You're spending time with this man whom you like so much and who makes you feel freaking awesome. Every time you see him you are going to feel freaking awesome and your emotional involvement is going to increase (just like what's happening now). That's how emotional entanglements work - the more you engage, the more entangled you get. You cannot apply logical and intellectual "tips" to emotions. Emotions do what they do no matter how you try to control them. The only tip that is going to decrease your emotional involvement is to avoid doing those things that are causing the emotional involvement in the first place - spending time with this person you like so much and who makes you feel freaking awesome has to stop if you want to put the breaks on the emotions it's causing. I have a feeling that is not what you want to hear, but that's how it is. Yes, that was exactly my point. OP, I didn't miss the part of your post which says that you don't want to end it. I'm telling you that you are approaching this in a way which is unrealistic, and that the two goals you are trying to pursue simultaneously (staying involved and at the same time not getting emotionally involved) are incompatible. I understand that this is not what you want to hear, but I fail to see reality any other way. The only realistic 'tips' on controlling your emotional involvement is to cut contact.
Woman In Blue Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Geez Shorty, you're asking the $64,000 question that ALL humans ask. There'd BE no broken hearts or crimes of passion or Advice to the Lovelorn columns or Love Shack message boards if humans were able to CONTROL their emotions and ONLY give what they felt is sufficient or adequate. If you find the magical answer that people have been seeking since time began, please DO come back and share it with us, won't you?
Author ShortyJones Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 Yes, I will of course! What I can tell you all here, is why he makes me feel so awesome is that it's been a very long time since I have allowed a man into my life. I haven't felt this good about myself, this sexy or this positive in a long time. What I am getting out of this is almost all emotions for myself. The two things he has done that gets me to wonder the question I posed: He is showing me emotions in the past 2 weeks that is "outside the boundaries" (or what I have researched anyway should be outside and I asked him to not contact me when he is with his family, he's done so now three times. I felt starting in, I did enough research to manage it on my end. Now I see that is going outside the rules, I am starting to like it and like him more due to it.
RainDown Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Yes, I will of course! What I can tell you all here, is why he makes me feel so awesome is that it's been a very long time since I have allowed a man into my life. I haven't felt this good about myself, this sexy or this positive in a long time. What I am getting out of this is almost all emotions for myself. The two things he has done that gets me to wonder the question I posed: He is showing me emotions in the past 2 weeks that is "outside the boundaries" (or what I have researched anyway should be outside and I asked him to not contact me when he is with his family, he's done so now three times. I felt starting in, I did enough research to manage it on my end. Now I see that is going outside the rules, I am starting to like it and like him more due to it. Well, it all sounds good so far. You're enjoying feeling good and it seems that you're getting nothing but good things out of this relationship. It's been a very long time since you've had a man in your life, so you obviously don't need one for any practical purpose. This guy is like candy for you. Since you're not going down the happily ever after, white picket fence field of dreams, I don't see the problem. Just enjoy your candy while it lasts.
Author ShortyJones Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 That was the plan! Off to the othe forum finally, thanks everyone.
bentnotbroken Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 --oops, need help before I am in too bad... How do I not fall in love with someone I'm having an affair with? Is there a rule guide anywhere??? Month two of this insane affair, I'm feeling a bit too involved and I have been reading this forum for a few weeks now, I am concerned. I'm not sure I'm meant to be the other woman. Maybe if I didn't like him so much and if he didn't make me feel so freaking awesome it wouldn't be so hard. I say tell everyone you know, including any significant others. That should control the love aspect.
2011aug Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 The answer is so obvious. You enjoy being with him. So, tell his wife. She will divorce him. You get to enjoy him forever. Let the good times roll!
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