reimeivn Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I am really jealous that after all that i gave up for him, including friends, and time, he is now having all the friends and fun in the world. I dont. I feel lonely. I have trouble finding people to hang out with. All of the so called friends i spent time with chose his side. I think I just saw him today. He looked great. Too good actually make me wonder if thats him. Please tell me something I am really desperate right now. I feel like a loser. Maybe I really am a loser. After I saw him I lost my confident. I think I am lost. I think I have nobody. I think nobody as good as him will ever love me again. And before I knew that he was such a mess. How in the world that he looked like a charm today??? Maybe thats not him since i didnt see the face?
fallenheart Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Hi there....I just joined today but I really like this site so I hope you don't mind me sharing my advice. A break-up is like a roller coaster. Lots of ups and downs. You can be feeling good one day and at the very bottom the next. It takes TIME for the ups and downs to stop. Another example is that it's like walking in the ocean. The waves knock you down, right off your feet...but as you get closer to the shore, the waves are smaller and weaker and eventually stop. In other words...there are bad days but in the end it WILL get better. I can relate to how you are feeling right now. I had a reallllly bad break-up almost ten years ago. She was cheating on me and left me for the other guy. I was devastated. But one of the things that drove me INSANE was that she was the bad guy...SHE cheated on ME....and instead of feeling sad and lonely, she was rewarded with a new relationship!!! And I was the one that didn't do anything wrong and I ended up alone, miserable and depressed. Not fair!! As for mutual friends...well, if they "choose" him or stand by his side, let them. They aren't your real friends and you don't need them anyway. Look around you...there are people everywhere. Some of them that you don't know yet will be your friends and ONE of them will be the next great love of your life. I met someone a thousand times better than the girl that cheated on me. No reason you won't either. It's OK to feel down and lost once in a while...you'll get your confidence back soon!!
Author reimeivn Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 ehhh fallen heart... what about the girl that cheated on you? I always wonder what in the world they get for doing that? to be honest I almost wanted to play games and hurt somebody else because i dont understand whats the point of loving honestly and wholly like i did.
fallenheart Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Eventually...many years later after they were married...he started cheating on HER and left her for another woman. So she actually got to experience everything she put me through...but WORSE. But I don't believe in fate or karma or anything like that. Basically...she was a bad person and he was a bad person and bad people do bad things to other people. Not every cheater ever gets their comeuppance. But that's not the point. Don't be like them. Be a good person. Treat other people like you'd want to be treated....not out of hopes for some cosmic reward or retribution...just do it cause it's the right thing to do. We always know deep down what's right and wrong....but we choose to ignore those feelings to justify getting stuff we want. Hurting someone, especially intentionally, would make you feel more terrible than being the one getting hurt.
lymtal1 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 r, it was not him. you know you would have known if it was. your mind is playing games with you so stop right now. it could not have been him. you would have known for sure. additionally it does not matter if it was. it does not matter what he looked like. i want you to keep saying it. it does not matter. he is who he is and will always be. what he looks like does not matter. the person that did what he did does not have any look. it is a blank face. you get back knowing that you are a strong person and stop letting him control you and your thoughts. you have this capability to bring the control back to you so do it now. time to refocus your thoughts. get strong. now.
silly_panda Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Eventually...many years later after they were married...he started cheating on HER and left her for another woman. So she actually got to experience everything she put me through...but WORSE. But I don't believe in fate or karma or anything like that. Basically...she was a bad person and he was a bad person and bad people do bad things to other people. Not every cheater ever gets their comeuppance. But that's not the point. Don't be like them. Be a good person. Treat other people like you'd want to be treated....not out of hopes for some cosmic reward or retribution...just do it cause it's the right thing to do. We always know deep down what's right and wrong....but we choose to ignore those feelings to justify getting stuff we want. Hurting someone, especially intentionally, would make you feel more terrible than being the one getting hurt. Totally agreed with what you said... But personally I do believe in karma... Back in my younger days (when I was 17), I had hurt 2 girls... After a year or so, I got into a new relationship and was hurt by this new girl... And after that another relationship and got hurt again... I just feel that it's karma finding it's way back to bite me... If you hurt someone, someone in the future will hurt you back... reimeivn, I just think that you thought the guy look great because you are thinking of him 24/7 and it kinda blurred your judgement on the person... He may look the same as always but because you are emotionally unstable (jealous of what he is having rite now), you saw him as being great... There are a lot of great people out there that worth your love... And there are a lot of nice and decent people out there... Just that you haven't meet them yet... Don't ever have the thoughts of playing games or hurting anyone... Cause if you do, ultimately you are just only hurting yourself... Hang in there girl...
Sugarkane Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 ehhh fallen heart... what about the girl that cheated on you? I always wonder what in the world they get for doing that? to be honest I almost wanted to play games and hurt somebody else because i dont understand whats the point of loving honestly and wholly like i did. Hi Reimeivn I've been thinking exactly the same thing. But if we did what our exes do, we would just be using people and wasting our precious time?
calndn Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I am really jealous that after all that i gave up for him, including friends, and time, he is now having all the friends and fun in the world. I dont. I feel lonely. I have trouble finding people to hang out with. All of the so called friends i spent time with chose his side. I think I just saw him today. He looked great. Too good actually make me wonder if thats him. Please tell me something I am really desperate right now. I feel like a loser. Maybe I really am a loser. After I saw him I lost my confident. I think I am lost. I think I have nobody. I think nobody as good as him will ever love me again. And before I knew that he was such a mess. How in the world that he looked like a charm today??? Maybe thats not him since i didnt see the face? I know exactly how you feel. If it was him....then you saw him, it brought back feelings that you were maybe starting to feel better about. Everytime I saw my ex my heart jumped into my throat and i felt like a miserable wreck after, even it was just passing him and saying hi. Thankfully ive only seen him a few times since we finally agreed to stop talking/seeing eachother as he drove me to depression. But I know if I saw him now in the street id think the same as you, that he looks good (even if he doesnt I would still think that) because its almost like we want what we cant have this person becomes someone we put on a pedestal take him down from it. You deserve better, youre gorgeous, i dont know you but im sure you have a lot going for you. I have the thoughts you have right now all the time. Remember when you see your ex its that sudden flood of thoughts, give it a few days and youll be ok again. I feel lonely a lot of the time, i havent got anyone, noone interested in me right now, nothing. He has a new gf and its horrid but im kind of coming to grips with it now. I jsut want to find someone that will treat me the way i deserve to be treated. I think nobody as good as my ex will ever love me again either but then i think of the horrid things he did and think....he isnt ALL good. Sure some parts were great but what he did was turn me into somone that i wasnt. My friends told me at the end of my relationship and in the 6 months after where he messed me about I became a totally different person, friends of friends even would say to friends that i seemed different, that i wasnt myself. My ex made me go like that, and I dont want to be like that or for someone to turn me into a depressed, suicidal person who spent most of the 6 months crying. Give it a few days and youll be ok, just remember the bad, trust me its better to feel the way you do than to be messed around by an ex. Because you will soon feel better but being messed around by an ex is just a road to disaster. You dont want him. You want familiarity, affection, to be loved, to be a big part of someones life. That will come. Sometimes I wonder when and if....but I try to remain positive. If our exes have managed to find someone (has yours?) then of course we will. xxxx
simpsonic Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Eventually...many years later after they were married...he started cheating on HER and left her for another woman. So she actually got to experience everything she put me through...but WORSE Ha, what goes around comes around!
KITT113 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 (edited) the reason he looks happy is because he is, he moved on and you haven't. Your the one left behind to feel like it was your fault and you are sad and lonely. I know I have been there, except I was married and with someone for 33 years. He like my ex made their choice that was best for them, and you are still sitting there waiting on him to come back, don't do it, you need to get up look in that mirror of yours and say hey I am a beautiful woman, and I will go out and find some new friends, because as the previous post stated they were not your real friends, real friends stick with you thick and thin. Go find a support group, go find yourself again, and you will have up days and down days, but when his picture comes in your mind, remind yourself he has moved on and left you behind to feel miserable. Now its time to get up and move past this and find someone else who fits your needs and who brings you joy, just take your time and sit back and relax and find out what you truly like to do, sometimes we forget who we are and put our needs behind and let his take charge of what we do, its time for you to find yourself again this time better than ever, heck look at yourself you are beautiful, why not show the world this beauty thats inside of you. Take care of yourself and let your light shine. This will happen when you are ready for it to happen no one can put a time limit on this but you, its up to you to make a move. Edited September 5, 2011 by KITT113
Author reimeivn Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 ok thank you guys, I feel better today. The hurt really only stay for a little bit then gone. I feel the heavy heart sometimes though. it might not be him. his mom just retired, if he dresses up like that its just dumb. i am trying and seriously, sometimes reading your guys comments, I do feel pretty.
fiat500 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Hi reimeivn. I'm in the same boat as you. Why did you run into your ex? (forgive me for asking, I'm having trouble finding the thread that tells your story) Even though it may seem as if our exes get "rewarded" now just remember it just means that you are meant for something much better later. It is wiser to make meaningful friendships and decisions that keep in mind tomorrow than it is to celebrate the superficial now and not have anything to fall back on but luck later.
fiat500 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I also want to add that I made the same mistake you did. Most people just take what they can get from a relationship and move on even if it means they end up stepping on someone to get to the next best thing. People who do this are emotionally immature and are most likely going to be sh*t out of luck one day when the same thing happens to them.
Author reimeivn Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 he lives closely to me so... i randomly ran into him. my story is just, he treated me badly, he lied to me, then dumped me. the time spent with him just too hurtful thats why i still feel a heavy heart often. pretty much everything makes me sad.
2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 he lives closely to me so... i randomly ran into him. my story is just, he treated me badly, he lied to me, then dumped me. the time spent with him just too hurtful thats why i still feel a heavy heart often. pretty much everything makes me sad. Try and stay away from him as much as possible, when you do see him try and associate all your negativity and hurt as him if you know what I mean, in time it means you will grow to associate his presence as remembrance of bad times and hurt. Look at it this way as well we all have good experiences and bad experiences and think about this: Our worst nightmares have hidden in them some of the greatest opportunities, so go find that opportunity!
Recommended Posts