Retail job: Any point in trying to date girls at work?

[goldenboy7115]

Listen, when I was at work, I put in long hours. It seemed that this was the only social arena of the day for me. I had many women available to me and of course you strike up friendships. I dated probably a half dozen ladies through the years at my workplace. Now, if the woman is a lady, she won't blab to everyone your business. Of course, co-workers will know there's something going on unless you both are great actors and can keep it totally secret. Never saw a problem with it. I also know many friends of mine that have done so as well. Sometimes work is all you have. When you go home, who wants to run out to a bar or club when your dog tired? Go for it!

[aj22one]

Somedude, you have to learn to recognize these signals. This will make your life MUCH easier. By not recognizing them, you are wasting your time, their time, and getting rejected a lot more than you would otherwise.

 

Just because a woman is friendly, doesn't mean she wants you to ask her out. I'm friendly to everyone, but I'm never flirtatious unless I have romantic interest in someone. I don't give male acquaintances or coworkers flirty looks, I don't touch them, I don't make a habit of complimenting them unnecessarily, I don't go out of my way to talk to them, I don't indirectly suggest we should hang out. This is my way of defining boundaries and women do not want these boundaries violated. Men who violate what we consider clearly defined boundaries can quickly become known as creepy or annoying.

 

If your coworkers have not done any of the above, DO NOT ask any of these women out.

 

Problem is a lot of women are grabby feely, do hint at or outright ask to hang out, and act extremely interested. But, when the guy asks her out, she gets all "I don't like you like that, can't you see I was only being friendly". That, my friends is a deliberate campaign to frustrate guys like the OP. Only by learning how to attract women will he be able to change this.

[somedude81]

Nothing is sacred in the workplace. I work for a large company with at least 130 people on just my shift and believe me everyone somehow seems to know everyones business especially when co-workers are bangin each other.

 

Yes girls talk...thats where I get most of my work gossip from To be fair though if a guy scores with one of his female co-workers then all the male co-workers are likely to hear about it.

I'd understand talking about talking about dating and scoring.

 

But just asking out?

 

A girl is easier to get than a job

You obviously don't know my story.

 

Short answer, no.

Look this is a throw away job for you. It’s not a career. Who cares if it gets a little awkward at work? If this were you’re career I’d say think about it. Since this is just some job you don’t care about you might as well realize that yes you should go for it. Not only should you go for it but don’t be afraid to be aggressive.

Exactly, I don't care about this job at all. It's not something I can even imagine being at a for a year.

 

I go to college full-time and this job is just a way to make some extra money.

Yes, that worked for you. You probably didn't care if things worked out or not in these situations. Sum doesn't seem like that. He already mentioned that he will quit his job if things got to complicated. That already means he is too sensitive to **** where he eats so I think he shouldn't. It isn't about the job but in this economy that last thing someone needs to do is lose a job over some ass.

I would gladly lose a job over some ass.

 

As long as I get something, then whatever happens next is meaningless.

 

My issue is that completely failing and then having drama at a job when I got nothing out of it.

Heck, if it's a throw-away job, flirt with the customers and the boss, presuming female

Bosses not really as the female ones are all fat.

 

Though we do get a lot of cute girl customers.

I honestly wouldn't. I did that once and when things fell apart it got messy.

 

If you have to though, then you have to wait and see if you get real interest from one of them. So perhaps they invite you out for post-work drinks, one is giving you lots of attention and even being flirty...or one wants to chat/call/talk to you outside of work.

 

If things are kept "professional only", then I'd assume they're not going to date you. I know when I first started working in an ad agency, I was surrounded by a lot of beautiful professional women. It was a turn on, but I curbed myself when I could see none of them would ever date coworkers.

 

Thankfully I didn't embarrass myself.

 

Somedude, you have to learn to recognize these signals. This will make your life MUCH easier. By not recognizing them, you are wasting your time, their time, and getting rejected a lot more than you would otherwise.

 

Just because a woman is friendly, doesn't mean she wants you to ask her out. I'm friendly to everyone, but I'm never flirtatious unless I have romantic interest in someone. I don't give male acquaintances or coworkers flirty looks, I don't touch them, I don't make a habit of complimenting them unnecessarily, I don't go out of my way to talk to them, I don't indirectly suggest we should hang out. This is my way of defining boundaries and women do not want these boundaries violated. Men who violate what we consider clearly defined boundaries can quickly become known as creepy or annoying.

 

If your coworkers have not done any of the above, DO NOT ask any of these women out.

And that is the main issue.

 

None of the girls are giving me obvious attention. Some just seem to enjoy talking to me more than others or smile a lot when I make a joke.

 

Girls have never been really flirty with me, so I don't think it's a good idea to wait until it happens, because It probably never will. And I'm already 30.

 

I have to take a risk.

 

I'm just wondering what the best way to do it is.

[Cypress25]

A guy who asks every girl out at work = desperate. How is that going to work out in his favor? What girl is going to want to be the one to go out with him after he has asked every other girl at work to go out.

 

Exactly. No one wants to be #5 on your list.

 

I'd understand talking about talking about dating and scoring. But just asking out?

 

Yes. Women don't "score" and it's definitely news to share with their friends if a coworker asks them out. And if you ask out two of them and they both say no, they will compare notes. Imagine this conversation between the ladies:

 

Lady 1: "somedude just asked me out"

Lady 2: "no way, he asked me out last week and I said no"

Lady 1: "Is he going to ask all of us out until someone says yes?"

 

Now both women feel insulted because they thought they were special and it turns out they're not. No one wants to be second choice. And now you have a reputation as the guy who hits on all of his coworkers.

 

My issue is that completely failing and then having drama at a job when I got nothing out of it.

 

This might very well happen. I'd tread very carefully if I were you. Maybe you can get away with asking out one of these girls, but if she says no, you can't move on to the others. They'll know.

[AD1980]

A guy who asks every girl out at work = desperate. How is that going to work out in his favor? What girl is going to want to be the one to go out with him after he has asked every other girl at work to go out.

 

It's a numbers game for men especially men who arent attractive

[AD1980]

Somedude, you have to learn to recognize these signals. This will make your life MUCH easier. By not recognizing them, you are wasting your time, their time, and getting rejected a lot more than you would otherwise.

 

Just because a woman is friendly, doesn't mean she wants you to ask her out. I'm friendly to everyone, but I'm never flirtatious unless I have romantic interest in someone. I don't give male acquaintances or coworkers flirty looks, I don't touch them, I don't make a habit of complimenting them unnecessarily, I don't go out of my way to talk to them, I don't indirectly suggest we should hang out. This is my way of defining boundaries and women do not want these boundaries violated. Men who violate what we consider clearly defined boundaries can quickly become known as creepy or annoying.

 

If your coworkers have not done any of the above, DO NOT ask any of these women out.

 

If you hardly ever get signals then sometimes you just have to take a chance otherwise youll never get anywhere

[AD1980]

Exactly. No one wants to be #5 on your list.

 

 

 

 

 

Now both women feel insulted because they thought they were special and it turns out they're not. No one wants to be second choice. And now you have a reputation as the guy who hits on all of his coworkers.

 

Average men get rejected a lot if women want to feel special and the only women the man approaching ever hit on they will be sadly mistaken

[Cypress25]

Average men get rejected a lot if women want to feel special and the only women the man approaching ever hit on they will be sadly mistaken

 

Of course women know that men approach other women, but he shouldn't do it right in front of her. A woman wants to believe that a man asked her out because he liked her, not because she just happened to be there. If you ask a woman out and she says no, and then you turn around and ask the woman standing next to her, they'll both feel insulted.

[somedude81]

Exactly. No one wants to be #5 on your list.

 

Yes. Women don't "score" and it's definitely news to share with their friends if a coworker asks them out. And if you ask out two of them and they both say no, they will compare notes. Imagine this conversation between the ladies:

 

Lady 1: "somedude just asked me out"

Lady 2: "no way, he asked me out last week and I said no"

Lady 1: "Is he going to ask all of us out until someone says yes?"

 

Now both women feel insulted because they thought they were special and it turns out they're not. No one wants to be second choice. And now you have a reputation as the guy who hits on all of his coworkers.

 

This might very well happen. I'd tread very carefully if I were you. Maybe you can get away with asking out one of these girls, but if she says no, you can't move on to the others. They'll know.

Thanks it's something to think about.

 

Though why would a girl be insulted and think she's special after I asked her out, if she rejected me? If she cared enough to be insulted, she would have said yes.

 

Still I wonder about office gossip. Do girls randomly bring up who asked them out to each other? Would she just tell everybody in the store?

[Cypress25]

Though why would a girl be insulted and think she's special after I asked her out, if she rejected me? If she cared enough to be insulted, she would have said yes.

 

It's still insulting to know that you're just one of many. Even if you don't like the guy, you'd hope that he asked you out for a reason. And imagine how the second girl would feel. You're only asking her out because the first girl said no. That would ruin your chances with her.

 

Still I wonder about office gossip. Do girls randomly bring up who asked them out to each other? Would she just tell everybody in the store?

 

No, usually it works like a game of telephone. She tells one person, that person tells someone else, and so on. Depending on how many people work there, it could get around pretty quick. And if it gets back to your boss that you're asking out all your coworkers, that could be bad news.

[Dust]

Thanks it's something to think about.

 

Though why would a girl be insulted and think she's special after I asked her out, if she rejected me? If she cared enough to be insulted, she would have said yes.

 

Still I wonder about office gossip. Do girls randomly bring up who asked them out to each other? Would she just tell everybody in the store?

 

Don’t start thinking some one is number 5. Guys have to for the most part ask girls out. Girls don’t have to “dirty” their hands with that. When you find the right girl she is your one and only and it doesn’t matter if you once a long time ago flirted with her friend and suggested you two get a bite to eat. It really doesn’t. No one expects you to have never asked out any girls before you get to the. The fact is some guys have sex with entire groups of friends and they just line up eager to be next. So I wouldn’t worry about flirting with a girl and maybe asking her out and having it ruin you with the rest. Even if it did ruin you with the rest you have try right?

[somedude81]

It's still insulting to know that you're just one of many. Even if you don't like the guy, you'd hope that he asked you out for a reason. And imagine how the second girl would feel. You're only asking her out because the first girl said no. That would ruin your chances with her.

I honestly don't give a damn how a girl feels after she rejected me.

 

Though, I can understand how the second girl would feel is she knows that I already asked out somebody. "So you're asking ME now?"

 

No, usually it works like a game of telephone. She tells one person, that person tells someone else, and so on. Depending on how many people work there, it could get around pretty quick. And if it gets back to your boss that you're asking out all your coworkers, that could be bad news.

Ah, telephone makes more sense now. I'm not even going to bother asking why and just accept that it's a girl thing.

 

Thank you for clearing it up.

[Dust]

It's still insulting to know that you're just one of many. Even if you don't like the guy, you'd hope that he asked you out for a reason. And imagine how the second girl would feel. You're only asking her out because the first girl said no. That would ruin your chances with her.

 

Explain to me why the hottest girls line up to be one of the many when it comes to rock stars and other famous people?

 

When he asks them out its not like he turns himself into multiple divorcee. He was trying to get to know them. He doesn’t lose or take a piece of their soul. I truly believe that guys who just are carefree and ask out more women are happier and do better with women. You obviously draw from a different view on reality from my own.

 

 

No' date=' usually it works like a game of telephone. She tells one person, that person tells someone else, and so on. Depending on how many people work there, it could get around pretty quick. And if it gets back to your boss that you're asking out all your coworkers, that could be bad news. [/quote']

 

 

Look if all the girls are getting together and talking about Somedude that could only be good for him. Seriously even if they are calling him a creep. You ever heard the saying no such thing as bad publicity.

 

If the boss some how gets word that Somedude has asked a few girls to hang out after work or get a bite to eat somedude could easily say he meant it as friendly and he’ll stop if that’s a problem. Truth is I’ve asked out a lot of girls when I worked at the mall, my friends did the same thing. It was no secret. Never did any of us get called in by the “boss” to have a conversation about how we asked Suzy if she wanted to go play mini golf or what ever. Never… Do you know some one who got in trouble at your job for simply and respectfully asking some one at work to do something outside of work. I’m not asking if you know a guy who got in trouble for pinching a girls butt at work or calling her a sexy baby in front of every one. I’m asking do you really know of some one who got in trouble at work and spoken to by the boss for asking girls out in a respectful normal way?

[Cypress25]

Explain to me why the hottest girls line up to be one of the many when it comes to rock stars and other famous people?

 

Those are called groupies. They're attracted to fame, so unless somedude is a celebrity, it won't work with him.

 

Look if all the girls are getting together and talking about Somedude that could only be good for him. Seriously even if they are calling him a creep. You ever heard the saying no such thing as bad publicity.

 

I have heard that saying, but it's not true. If all the girls that somedude works with think he's a creep, I don't see how that could be good for him.

 

I’m asking do you really know of some one who got in trouble at work and spoken to by the boss for asking girls out in a respectful normal way?

 

I've never known anyone at work who had the audacity to hit on all of his coworkers. Hitting on one girl may not be a problem, but hitting on several girls would probably make people uncomfortable.

[carhill]

Hey, if the 'fat' boss calls him on the carpet for hitting on the female workers, heck just hit on her. No downside as far as I can tell.

 

Retail stores are like drama factories. Live a little

[Dust]

Those are called groupies. They're attracted to fame, so unless somedude is a celebrity, it won't work with him.

 

I think you’re missing my point. Also famous men get dates easy enough and it doesn’t have to be groupies.

 

I have heard that saying' date=' but it's not true. If all the girls that somedude works with think he's a creep, I don't see how that could be good for him.[/quote']

 

It is a true saying. It’s not that all the girls “think” he’s a creep. They could think he’s Dracula there to suck there blood. If they all spend time talking about him that can only be a good thing. Not to mention if they really do all think he is a creep asking them out has no ill effect on him and if anything could only change the fact they think he is a creep. Obviously if they continue to think he is a creep they’d be annoyed but that isn’t his problem and he’d have a very negative image of himself if he entertained these thoughts. He knows he’s not a creep and that’s all that counts. He wants to ask girls out there for I say he seizes the day and does exactly that!

 

I've never known anyone at work who had the audacity to hit on all of his coworkers. Hitting on one girl may not be a problem' date=' but hitting on several girls would probably make people uncomfortable. [/quote']

 

You’ve really never known that guy who flirts with all the girls? Did you ever work retail at the mall? Let me tell from my experience that guy should be more worried about showing up on time then asking out all the cute girls. He’ll never ever get fired or even talked to about that. The most that would ever happen is a boss tells him to stop. I doubt even that would happen.

 

I’m seriously surprised you’ve never worked with a guy who flirts with all the cute chicks! It’s like you’ve never encountered a very common type of person. Watch “office space” (the O face) or “waiting” or any movie with a characterization of that guy.

 

“hitting on one girl might not be a problem” are you serious. It’s a dead end job that has to constantly have people applying because of all the people who constantly quit when they find a real job. He should hit on any girl he likes. As long he’s respectful who cares if he makes people uncomfortable. If he approaches women with the mind set “gee I hope I don’t make her uncomfortable” he won’t have any fun in life. If he screws women with the mind set “gee I hope I don’t make her uncomfortable” he probably won’t get hard enough to screw. If he makes a girl uncomfortable by flirting and inviting her to do something fun all she has to do is smile and say “no” is that so fricken hard? Somedude don’t for a second start worrying about what every girl might be thinking or might want. You go after what you want. I would never have had a single gf in my life if I waited until it was 100% obvious and ok. Some times you have to strike a conversation try to make a beautiful stranger laugh at your jokes or whatever and then see if she’s into the same music as you and wants to go to a concert. Some times in life you have to risk freaking people out and not give a damn.

[AHardDaysNight]

The only benefits I can see from asking this girl out are twofold:

 

A. It will give you more experience in asking out women, and accepting possible rejection

B. You will be extending the passage of your affections past your oneitis, which can only be a good thing (for your health and her's!)

 

Now, I can see two things going wrong here, potentially.

 

A.) You aren't used to asking out women, so the first rejection might break you. Unless you've heard a lot of rejections already, hearing that someone "doesn't like you in that way" isn't good for your self esteem.

B.) Like it's already been mentioned, don't sh*t where you eat. If you rely on a paycheck to pay for your bills, would you rather be homeless, or would you rather not be alone? It's your call.