How do you keep the spark betwen you and your SO?

[maria_patheticsoul]

I am wondering as to how can i keep the spark between me and my SO...i am not so good with words as i am very physical and i like to communicate when that person is in front of me. But with my SO sometimes i get to the point that as if there is nothing to talk about and it annoys me whenever he asks me "what's news at your end?" I am having a hard time communicating with him in a spontaneous manner it's like i am always waiting for him to ask the questions and i think he is also like that. I am fine with not chatting with him for days and just exchange text messages daily or whenever i feel like sending him a text message which he quickly replies. But i am scared for myself if this kind of communication will continue i or he might lose the spark...as i know myself i get bored too easily and i am afraid if i get bored.

 

So it will be very much appreciated if anyone can share a piece of advice about this matter.

[folieadeux]

Degrees of communication vary by couple; if it's working for the pair of you, don't stress about it too much. If you aren't talking every day, I would think you would have even MORE to talk about when you do get together, so that's always a plus too. Video chat helps me connect with my SO when we can't be together in person. We never used to really use it, but now we do it at least a few times a week.

[maria_patheticsoul]

Yeah i guess so too that if we are not talking on a daily basis then there will be lots to talk about after a while. We skype when we talk but since he is busy working we dont chat a lot these days and i am fine with that.

Isn't it scary if we get used to not talking as much as we can we might lose the spark between the two of us? I feel it will come not that i want it but i can feel it will come.

[folieadeux]

If you're both sincerely happy about the frequency of your communication, then everything will be fine. It's when one or both of you start to have issues with it is when problems occur. If and when that happens, talking about it as soon as possible will help keep it at bay.

[maria_patheticsoul]

Hmmm ok so i am having problem with it...i mean i am fine not talking to him for days and i am fine with just phone calls and text messages it's because i dont like when we chat and he keeps on saying words of endearment when i am not into it always seems that he needs to push me into saying something that i am not feeling that very moment and always at the end of the conversation i feel like i was not sweet with him...it sucks. I think he got this idea of not seeing me on cam for weeks and me not seeing him on cam also after he got back from Uk he loved the feeling when he saw me smiling and very happy to see him after 3 weeks..he said it felt good. Lol i think he is going for it 3 weeks...too bad he knows i am still trying to work out on being open to him 100% i think i will drift away sometime soon. I told him that if the reason for us not talking is his busy schedule at work then there is no argument so he keeps on using that i dont know how to tell him i am getting near the edge of drifting away. Let me ask a question...if the woman doesn't react when she needs to react does that make your SO feel a little bit disappointed like not feeling the love?

[folieadeux]

I think it can lead to that...but only if not handled properly. I have a friend in a similar situation, although they're not in an LDR. He is alot more affectionate and open towards her than she is comfortable with. After awhile, she finally sat down and talked to him about things and everything has calmed down since. Obviously I'm just giving you the very abbreviated version of events, but you hopefully get the idea. Some people just have different natures and there's nothing wrong with that and it can be overcome in a relationship...you just have to talk openly about it so as it avoid anyone getting hurt in the long run.

[visualbasicide]

foli has it right. It doesn't matter so much the quantity of a conversation as the quality. If you have all these feelings about it then talk to him about it. He is sitting there in the dark about all this if you haven't and you two will continue to do the same things until a little problem like the one you have becomes a gap that will be hard to bridge.

 

If you like him, which obviously you must, then let him know whats up. If you don't do anything at all nothing will get resolved.

[maria_patheticsoul]

Hmmm he never fails to ask me everyday if i am ok and he definitely knows if i am not ok but being stubborn i insists i am ok. He always do the first move so i can start talking if something is wrong i just say everything is ok. Today i did not send him any text message and he knows something is wrong so he called me up and as always asks me if everything is ok i told him that we need to talk when he gets back from another city. But i assured him nothing to worry about and that i just needed to talk to him.

What is nice about this guy is no matter how busy he is or even if he is in the middle of a meeting if i send him a text message that i am so pissed off about something he will definitely call. So yeah i think i should talk to him because when i feel this way i lose the momentum and feel not talking to him at all for days and he hates it that much but it's like he is giving me some space and he waits for me to calm down. I do the same thing with him if he is pissed off and when we are both calm we talk about it. I just hope i can get over with being stubborn and be completely open with him 100% in a comfortable way.

 

Hey guys thank you for the advices it really helps me a lot when i get confused and worried...it's a relief.

[visualbasicide]

Hmmm he never fails to ask me everyday if i am ok and he definitely knows if i am not ok but being stubborn i insists i am ok. He always do the first move so i can start talking if something is wrong i just say everything is ok. Today i did not send him any text message and he knows something is wrong so he called me up and as always asks me if everything is ok i told him that we need to talk when he gets back from another city. But i assured him nothing to worry about and that i just needed to talk to him.

What is nice about this guy is no matter how busy he is or even if he is in the middle of a meeting if i send him a text message that i am so pissed off about something he will definitely call. So yeah i think i should talk to him because when i feel this way i lose the momentum and feel not talking to him at all for days and he hates it that much but it's like he is giving me some space and he waits for me to calm down. I do the same thing with him if he is pissed off and when we are both calm we talk about it. I just hope i can get over with being stubborn and be completely open with him 100% in a comfortable way.

 

Hey guys thank you for the advices it really helps me a lot when i get confused and worried...it's a relief.

 

Good for you. Another angle you might try is to just each keep a journal about how you feel about each other and then let each other read them when you two meet back up. You can compare notes and talk about anything that might concern you. Seems like you two will be fine once you figure out how to keep the lines of communication going on.

 

Might also see a counselor to see if they give you any fresh idea's or to see if maybe there is a reason why you don't feel as open as you think you should. They are there to coach you on how to be a better you. Just some ideas anyway.

[maria_patheticsoul]

The journal thing is nice...i like the idea i will tell him about it. I remember one time he told me to write down all the questions i have in my mind since he cant get it from me that easy when we talk. So yeah it will be a good idea if we can both have journals. Thank you

[maria_patheticsoul]

By the way is it ok if i tell him that i am posting threads here...one time i mentioned to him because he asked what i was doing so i told him and then he asked what was the comments from my threads and i did not tell him and he did not insist. I did not even mention about what kind of topics i am posting.

[visualbasicide]

Tell him anything you think you should share, if he asked he was either curious or worried. Total transparency in what both of your activities are is very helpful.

 

Tell him you wanted ideas on how to better communicate and had trouble thinking outside the box so you asked for advice. Nothing wrong with that and it shows that you value your relationship by wanting to find ways to keep it moving forward in a healthy manner. Cheers.