warrenorabbits Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I currently have a girlfriend (my first in a little while) and ... frankly, it's been a little anticlimactic. We seem to not meet one-on-one that much (we're both busy with school), and even when we do there's that certain spark of passion that's just missing. Half of the time she seems frustrated with me, and even when we show physical affection (like kissing, making out) it just doesn't have the intense, erotic feel that it has when I'm doing it with someone I truly feel connected to. I talked to her about our meetings, and we're going to try to meet more ... but it feels more like a chore than anything right now. We've been together a week -- am I just expecting too much too soon? Also, I've run into an awkward situation with sex-related matters. Our first night we got intimate. I know that Night 1 seems too early, but it just sort of flowed and didn't feel forced, and so I felt that it was okay. We slept together half-nude and got to the point where I was between her legs. Today I wanted to go further, but she reacted very coldly to that idea. In fact, she told me that the first night had gone way too far for her and that she was worried about "guys taking advantage of her" and our relationship becoming a physical one. She just had trouble saying no, so it looked like approval. Now I don't really know what to do. I think that sex is healthy and important in a relationship, but I do agree that we may have gone too far; still, I don't want to shy away from it forever just because of one mistake. What do you suggest?
Cypress25 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I suggest being patient and trying to develop more of a relationship in the meantime. You've only been together a week, it's way too early to be pressuring her for sex. Especially when you don't see each other very often. Try going out on a few dates first. She needs to establish a solid emotional connection with you before she'll feel comfortable having sex with you. Maybe that's why there's no spark. Spend time together outside the bedroom, talk, get to know each other, do fun things together. It's called dating.
Author warrenorabbits Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 I suggest being patient and trying to develop more of a relationship in the meantime. You've only been together a week, it's way too early to be pressuring her for sex. Especially when you don't see each other very often. Try going out on a few dates first. She needs to establish a solid emotional connection with you before she'll feel comfortable having sex with you. Maybe that's why there's no spark. Spend time together outside the bedroom, talk, get to know each other, do fun things together. It's called dating. You seem to cast me as a villain, not to mention an idiot ("it's called dating"). I wouldn't have even brought sex up to her if I thought it wasn't on the table. It surprised me, too, how fast we'd gone, but I figured that it's not like there's a rulebook. So quite the contrary of "pressuring" selfishly and one-sidedly. In fact, my main question was about the emotional part of the relationship. I want something deep. The question about sex was about how to handle it properly, and how not to let it get in the way, in the light that I may have gone too far or derailed a good relationship. Yes, a guy can have more on his mind than getting sex.
Cypress25 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 You're not a villain or an idiot. You thought sex was on the table, but it's not. At least not yet. So respect that and be patient. And my advice to date her and spend more time with her was meant to address the emotional aspect of your relationship. You said you don't spend much time together since you're both busy. But you'll have to make time for each other if you want something deep.
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