farmgirl7 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Hi everyone... This is the first time I've posted, I've been reading hundreds of other people's posts and I find them very helpful, seeing all of the replies and understanding that other people are going through this pain aswell...but I've had a crappy few days, and wanted a bit more personal discussion! My boyfriend and I were together for nearly 3 years...in short, he mad eout with another girl on a trip in Jan, we stayed together, then he broke up with me out of the blue in March, hardly any explanation, no contact for two months after...then asked to catch up, we did, he told me he wanted to be together, we were back together for a month and he broke up with me in the same way again, never mentioned anything being wrong, just said he didn't want to do it anymore... And my biggest problem has been how difficult it is to stop thinking about him! He said he wants to stay friends this time and keep in touch and he wants to help me get through it and he's this great guy...but it's ruling my life thinking about him 24/7, wanting to msg him, wanting to see him...I'been fairly well-restrained and hardly ever do...but it's always there...how can I stop this?
Nohbody Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Have you read the No Contact guide? Here's the link http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/ tell Caliguy thank you if you happen to see him. If being this guy's friend is distressing, and you still have feelings for him... you can't be his friend. It doesn't matter what he wants or says. You need to worry about yourself and your feelings. 3 years is a long time, and he's pulled the old relationship judo on you (push, pull, push). Time to cut the cord for a while and start getting to know yourself again. Feel free to post as you need, and please keep everyone up to date. Welcome to hell.
Author farmgirl7 Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 Yep I read it and thought it was great...I am finding it a little hard to discern whether I do actually have feelings for him still because I had a tough time with my friend group a couple of months ago and he's honestly my best friend, and now one of my only...so I think a little of the part of needing him is just needing someone... I do know that I don't want to be with him, I miss the person I was in love with but he's not that person anymore...it's just that he's also one of the only people I've got and that makes it hard not to want him around. I suppose one of my biggest worries is knowing if we're friends I'll be around to know about when there's someone else...and aside from any feelings or anything I'm pretty jealous and insecure and I won't deal well with that. Am I simply being naive by believing I could deal without the No Contact, knowing that I don't want to be with him but wanting to be around him to have my friend, but only hoping that that's all it is? Apologies if it seems a silly question, I know anyone can try and talk themselves around all of this...I just don't quite know how to deal...and No Contact is tough when he wants to contact me and be my friend and help me with other issues in my life...
Nohbody Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Everyone's different. You will have to feel that out for yourself and be honest when you assess whether friendship with him is a positive thing for you or not. You might be able to, people do it. But I'd recommend trying to expand your social circle. Have you heard up meetup.com? It's kind of neat.
Author farmgirl7 Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 Have never heard of it...but not gonna' lie, I'm a bit scared of people lol so can imagine it would be even worse with people I don't know I did see him today...there is definitely a physical attraction between us...but I don't see him as this God-like being anymore...haha I know that doesn't make us perfect but I definitely feel a bit better knowing that I could see him in this sense of him being a 'friend' and me being someone who doesn't mean very much to him...and walk away from it not feeling sad! I had your words in my head all day. You saved me from myself and I thank you for that, I am absolutely in no way going to forget what you said! I'll probs be on herw tomorrow asking a different question...and I might just be putting off pain but...I am happy when I have my best friend...I hope it works! You're amazing 'Nohbody'. Especially for the fact you take time to help strangers out like this.
CaliGuy Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Have you read the No Contact guide? Here's the link http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/ tell Caliguy thank you if you happen to see him. If being this guy's friend is distressing, and you still have feelings for him... you can't be his friend. It doesn't matter what he wants or says. You need to worry about yourself and your feelings. 3 years is a long time, and he's pulled the old relationship judo on you (push, pull, push). Time to cut the cord for a while and start getting to know yourself again. Feel free to post as you need, and please keep everyone up to date. Welcome to hell. Glad to see people are still reading it
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