thatgothicchick Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 It's been 7 months since my ex broke up with me...I loved him with all of my heart. No matter how much avoidance I do, no matter how much I try not to think of him...I am still so very much in love with him. When he broke up with me, he told me it that it wasn't my fault, but that it was because he was having a hard time being in a relationship and wanted to concentrate on raising his daughter...I found out a few weeks ago that he is dating another girl now...I am angry with him, but I haven't confronted him about it...we work in the same building, so I just started ignoring him all together...I couldn't even look at him, I was just so disgusted. Finally, I cracked, still unable to fully let him go, and spoke with him briefly, being friendly and even joking around a little...and now, he's ignoring ME. Now I'm even more pissed off and angry...and what's more, I find myself so jealous of his new girlfriend that it makes me sick to my stomach. I just don't know what to do...I know I need to move on. I haven't been stalking him or anything like that, but I still can't stop thinking of him. I still feel like we were destined, and that he is the perfect guy for me...I just don't understand why I couldn't have him. I want to ask what I can do to get him off my mind, but it's not as simple as avoiding him or doing things to distract me from thinking of him...that's how deep my pain runs...I can't afford counseling or anything like that either...I just don't know what to do...
Nohbody Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 It hurts, so try finding a way to vent and get it out of you. If you can't afford therapy, create a journal and spill your guts into it. It's helped me a good deal.
reimeivn Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 hey sometimes when its real love, i dont think you can get over him. i do not know what to tell you, the only thing that is gonna help you is another guy. another special guy. i hope you can go out and make friends with some new people.
ConfusedT Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 real love never dies. you might love him forever, but look at the bigger picture. he is not the man for you, if he was, he'd be with you. he is with someone else. dont be jealous of her. be happy for them, bc that breakup is taking you one step closer to the man you really want to be with. i know healing times vary between people, but maybe you should start dating to see if there is anyone youre interested in. i also recommend therapy if there is an option or books... i know talking to your friends only lasts so long until you sound like a broken record and they probably dont want to hear it!! its ok to be sad, you loved him a lot, but you have to let it go at some point if it is tearing you apart =(
Queen of Hearts 10 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Thinking about them is like when you go to a store and some of the ballons got away and are trapped up on the ceiling. You go about your shopping but you can't help but notice the colorful ballons trapped up there. You have to create a bad list about your EX and read that list when you have the sad memories come up. You have to change your thoughts into anger to block out the sad brain pathway. It takes a lot to retrain our brains to find an uncomfortable feeling about them instead of the side that sees the wonderful, dreamy side of them. Remember they didn't care about us, and they broke our Hearts ! So don't let them be the focal points of our life. Let YOUR life be about you ! The internet is free and there is great stuff just sitting there that can help U. Get Well and I Will TOO !! Queen of Hearts 10
Thieves Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I still feel like we were destined, and that he is the perfect guy for me...I just don't understand why I couldn't have him.. You couldn't have him because he's not the perfect guy for you. Sure, maybe your love for him may never die and maybe he'll do some soul searching down the line to see that he really was meant to be with you. But that's not happening right now. He's not the perfect guy for you RIGHT NOW because he broke your heart. This word 'perfect'... it's only holding you back from finding someone else, even if you don't want to at the moment. I know you feel sick to your stomach to even think of being with someone else, and that's fine. Great, even. Because #1, it prevents you from rebounding and getting even more hurt, and #2 it gives you time to yourself to actually grieve. Look, Gothic, you're still 7 months in. And well... no offense, but to me that's not much at all. I've been 'mourning' for a year now. And we weren't even actually together! But, good news, I'm 1000x better than I was even a few months ago. You've got a little while to go. Maybe it's better that you don't try to avoid the thoughts, or thinking of him. Let yourself be sad for a little bit. When you're in a mood and all you can do is think of him and feel sad, recognize that and say out loud, "I'm sad about him." Literally. Do it. Or if you're alone and angry at him one day, say out loud "I'm pissed at him." Doesn't seem like much but it helped me when I did it because I felt like I wasn't trying to hide what I felt anymore. I let it be known to myself and the world that, yeah, I was feeling like sh*t and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Then I would vent in my journal or rant off on here, and it really did make me feel a bit better. But you might just be in a 'slow period' where you've done what you can to distract yourself, but now it's time to face the pain head on. Right now you may just need to go along, doing the motions of life, and work through the pain week by week. Sometimes there's no way around it, just like if you broke your leg or ankle, there's no way around being bedridden for half the time. As boring as it sounds, it is what it is. So don't be sad about being sad! It's okay to feel how you do, just keep on truckin' for now, starting enjoy the simpler things in life, and vent, vent, vent.
ConfusedT Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 You couldn't have him because he's not the perfect guy for you. Sure, maybe your love for him may never die and maybe he'll do some soul searching down the line to see that he really was meant to be with you. But that's not happening right now. He's not the perfect guy for you RIGHT NOW because he broke your heart. This word 'perfect'... it's only holding you back from finding someone else, even if you don't want to at the moment. I know you feel sick to your stomach to even think of being with someone else, and that's fine. Great, even. Because #1, it prevents you from rebounding and getting even more hurt, and #2 it gives you time to yourself to actually grieve. Look, Gothic, you're still 7 months in. And well... no offense, but to me that's not much at all. I've been 'mourning' for a year now. And we weren't even actually together! But, good news, I'm 1000x better than I was even a few months ago. You've got a little while to go. Maybe it's better that you don't try to avoid the thoughts, or thinking of him. Let yourself be sad for a little bit. When you're in a mood and all you can do is think of him and feel sad, recognize that and say out loud, "I'm sad about him." Literally. Do it. Or if you're alone and angry at him one day, say out loud "I'm pissed at him." Doesn't seem like much but it helped me when I did it because I felt like I wasn't trying to hide what I felt anymore. I let it be known to myself and the world that, yeah, I was feeling like sh*t and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Then I would vent in my journal or rant off on here, and it really did make me feel a bit better. But you might just be in a 'slow period' where you've done what you can to distract yourself, but now it's time to face the pain head on. Right now you may just need to go along, doing the motions of life, and work through the pain week by week. Sometimes there's no way around it, just like if you broke your leg or ankle, there's no way around being bedridden for half the time. As boring as it sounds, it is what it is. So don't be sad about being sad! It's okay to feel how you do, just keep on truckin' for now, starting enjoy the simpler things in life, and vent, vent, vent. that is so true. if you were meant to be, do you think he'd break your heart? NO. your hope is holding you back from experiencing life!!! you have to get over the hurdle of acceptance of the situation to really move on. it is SO HARD & i honestly (sad to say) don't know if I've ever done this because I always move on so quickly to the next person that i dont even really know who i am in a sense. i think being alone, allowing the situation to settle down and finally seeing things for what they ARE and not what you believe they are (two different things entirely btw) actually will help you recover much quicker than someone who jumps from one person to the next (my x for example, left his FWB of years for me, was my BF for a year, then left me for his original FWB) Has he dealt with the many issues that arose in both relationships? HELL NO, will he falter and continue to do the same things expecting different results? YES, why because he hasn't learned yet & if we dont allow ourself the time, distance and space out a relationship, how do we really know what we will and will not put up with???
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