atloss4love Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 its all my fault, he new nothing. I let myself fall in love with a coworker all the while I thought in my mind that maybe he liked me just a little. I never said a word. We worked well together had fun and he seemed so sweet and honest. He gave me his phone number and we started texting mainly work. 3 months have gone by and I started hearing rumors about him and I decided to text him and ask a few questions. I said are you married and he said yes. I asked if he ever messed around and he said no but if he would it would have to be for money. I could not believe he said that, I played along like it was a joke but I don't think it was. Now I sit here broken hearted and sad. If he respected me at all I don't think it would have turned out like this. My first sick thought was to give him some money and have sex. My second thought was to cry. My third thought was to write this all done and see how many people are gonna tell me how stupid I am. I don't know how I am going to get thru this. I have to work with this person, what am I going to say, what is he going to say or will he say nothing. which is worse Bad thing is I still Love him and he will never know.
MissBee Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 (edited) You're not stupid but I do think you really need to consider some things...you obviously realize it is bizarre that you would even consider paying this coworker to have sex with you as a substitute for his love. You've gotten into a case of unrequited love and have built up fantasies about this man and his feelings toward you and I think it would help for you to really consider why you would stoop so low as to even consider what you considered and how you managed to even become so devastated over a man whom you really did not have a real relationship with. It is also weird that you would describe what you feel for him as "love" when it doesn't seem that you know each other very well and have not built up anything substantial. I would suggest you check out the book: Loving Him Without Losing You by Beverly Engel. It will probably shed A LOT of light on your situation and help you in the future and not just in this case. Check it out asap and for now, leave him alone. Distance yourself from him and keep things professional. Hang with friends and do things to give yourself some perspective. Best of luck! Edited September 5, 2011 by MissBee
fooled once Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 You dont love him; you don't even know him well. You may be infatuated but that isn't love. Love comes from deep within - after dating, getting to know someone, etc. You didn't even know he was married so you didn't know him. My advice? Steer clear of him. Stop worrying about what he may say. He has shown you he isn't interested unless you pay him (which I really hope you dont do - he isn't worth losing your self respect over)!
Author atloss4love Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 I guess I don't know what love is
wannabdone Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I guess I don't know what love is Well, I don't think your alone in this statement. Many people don't know what love is and really don't learn of love and what it truly means, until we have been through a few "life lessons", which usually come in the form of hurt. I am with the others, and I don't want to beat a dead horse. But, I'm having a hard time understanding why you are so devasted over someone you just worked with and hardly knew, and have only known for 3 months. I know you say you don't know what love is, but certainly you have to have some clue that isn't. From the time we start dating in our teens, we might not have a clear understanding of what love is, but we certainly understand the steps we take to get there. Dating, going out together, spending time, physical moments. We all know that what you just explained isn't really love or courting. So, can I ask a few questions, just so I can get a better understanding? Did you instigate the texting. You said he gave you his phone number, and you started texting. Had you asked for it? Did you "talk shop", just to try to get him to talk to you? I take it that you are single, no? Do you date frequently? You don't have to give me your exact age, but are you younger? Can't be too young, I am assuming since you work with someone who is M. And what is it about him that made you feel feelings of love for him? What did you see in him and like about him to have feelings grow? Just some questions, I think its always best to know some answers to certain things before you can really try and help someone. You yourself you don't know what love is. What did you mean by that? I kind of read it as you were feeling stupid, or something. Which you shouldn't. Clearly we all have issues, mine might be different that your's....but we all have them. And at the end of the day, we are all just trying to be better people. You aren't stupid, niave, maybe. I have come here for support, and have found so much of it. There are some area's that I am super strong in and other areas that I am not. These people have helped me in the areas I am not. So, if you will share what you can about yourself, and maybe you will find the help and support you need. I am offering any of those I can give you. But you have to give me a little history first.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 If he respected himself you wouldn't be in this situation.
Author atloss4love Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Where do I begin, first I am single and I have been in a few long time relationships. How this happened to me is what I am trying to figure out. I guess I did instigate the texting but I keep it clean. Maybe by saying good morning and goodbye was not a very good idea. I had heard thru the grapevine that he was not married and I guess that started the crush. One day we had to work together and I just noticed his face. Beautiful outline, beautiful eyes. A little rough around the edges. We flirted a little and stared into each others eyes. this is the time I started asking questions and found out that he was married and he offered to have sex for money. If I don't love or care for this guy then why do I feel so hurt.
Saul Goodman Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 If I don't love or care for this guy then why do I feel so hurt. An infatuation I'd say. Has this happened before? I'd recommend seeing a shrink if you aren't already. Seems like you're big on the fantasy stuff. Not healthy.
country_gurl Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Where do I begin, first I am single and I have been in a few long time relationships. How this happened to me is what I am trying to figure out. I guess I did instigate the texting but I keep it clean. Maybe by saying good morning and goodbye was not a very good idea. I had heard thru the grapevine that he was not married and I guess that started the crush. One day we had to work together and I just noticed his face. Beautiful outline, beautiful eyes. A little rough around the edges. We flirted a little and stared into each others eyes. this is the time I started asking questions and found out that he was married and he offered to have sex for money. If I don't love or care for this guy then why do I feel so hurt. Sounds more like infatuation than love to me. How can you really love someone you don't really know?...haven't spent real time with? (time together at work doesn't count, IMO). As you said, you have a crush on him. Now that he's made the rude comment about sex for money, how are you going to deal with him? Did that comment and the fact that he's married turn you off of him enough that you'll pick yourself up and move on? Is he someone that you have to work closely with? It's too bad you have to have any further contact with him, for your own sake.
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