Author D-Lish Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 There's a subtle air in this thread that kind of has me on edge just a bit. Something deep down in my gut that's hard to explain, but it's unsettling. Words are one thing, but actions will always have the final say. And remember, our feelings will always dictate actions. Just be careful, D-Lish. I'll check up on this thread from time to time. I'm going to meet him for brunch tomorrow and finish my closure, then go back to no contact. I promise you.
carhill Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Perhaps it's somewhat ironic that my exW recently picked up a new Kia Soul. Interesting word play
Author D-Lish Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 Perhaps it's somewhat ironic that my exW recently picked up a new Kia Soul. Interesting word play I get good gas mileage. I get paid a minimum for travel from my work, and it never covers the travelling I partake in.
pandagirl Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Oh wow, was not expecting this, D! Because I feel protective of you, I feel wary of this whole situation. But I do think, I hope, this will provide the closure you need to move on and to stop blaming yourself. Also, I don't like how you texted you about winning his game with a smiley face. For some reason, that rubs me the wrong way. Like you just had this really intense conversation with tears and all, and it seems like it's way too easy or him just to switch gears into a different mode, which is... actually, indicative of his general behavior. I know your heart and head are battling right now, but don't let this trip you up.
Arikel Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 D-lish, forgive me if I'm wrong or being presumptuous .. but it sounds like you're falling back into the groove of old habits with this guy - comfy texts, brunch.. being tempted to sleep with him again.. I know he's told you everything you wanted to hear this time, take it and leave.. don't linger on and lose what control and satisfaction you've gained. It is ultimately your choice though, I know giving advice is easy (and if I took my own advice, well, I'd be a lot better off too, heh) but you were not treated well at all, and you've come so far, just keep ahead . Just keep what happened in mind, and reread your old posts to maintain perspective. All the best to you D-lish!
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I believe you are on your way to being able to heal from all the disappointment, heartbreak and trauma you went through.
Star Gazer Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Like panda, I feel very protective of you, D. I'm glad that you were finally able to hear from him all the things you've been longing for. I hope that through this, you can gain closure and stop beating yourself up - because you don't deserve it. You deserve nothing but happiness.
Tybalt Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Aw D, the intellect versus an emotional pull. This relationship put you through SO MUCH. You're strong, and you know what you need to do... I hope I can do the same. Your thread is resonating with me... I got a message from my ex today, telling me how he was thinking of me, that I am a great person and he is so grateful to have gotten to know me, and thanking me for being open and sharing myself with him. And telling me he is sorry it didn't work out. Then, he suggested we get together for dinner to talk, or at one another's homes (!) I am not sure this is the right thing to do, but I agreed to meet for coffee at a public place tomorrow early in the day. How the heck will this go? Similar to your encounter? It's weird my ex wants to meet, especially after he "said his piece" in the message already... Right? If they want us back, we CAN'T do it. They put us through too much and were too ambivalent. I cannot allow someone in my life who has already let me go and been unsure. They will do it to us all over again. They haven't worked through the issues that caused them to flip flop in the first place. We are very strong people but we are not impervious. I have a feeling we may both be feeling a little tested after tomorrow. I really respect you, D, and your strength is reaffirming mine...
oaks Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 D-Lish, Enjoy brunch. Don't waste tears on him. Say goodbye, then you won't need to see him again.
Kamille Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I'm glad you got the apology and the closure you so deserve. I know that on an intellectual level you understood that your needs and emotions at the time of the mc were legitimate. But I think part of the reason you were so stuck on getting over him was because he made you feel like they weren't, like you were over-reacting, like you were being over-dramatic, etc. I'm glad he finally realized what a dunce he was, and had the strength to apologize to you in person. Like you, I would be weary of even considering re-entering a relationship with someone who originally reacted the way he did, taking months, (months!) and outside views to see things from your (very valid) perspective. Enjoy brunch and do what is right for you. You're a smart woman who definitely deserves nothing less than a healthy, balanced, relationship.
threebyfate Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 *taps watch* Ummm...D, that's a really long brunch!
Art_Critic Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 *taps watch* Ummm...D, that's a really long brunch! No kidding.. sounds like he might be eating more than a sandwich today
westernxer Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 They must have decided to eat the dessert special. LOL
Duckduckgoose Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 They must have decided to eat the dessert special. LOL I heard it was Pu-tang pie:p
Nexus One Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Let's call it by its name. They're having break-up sex.
threebyfate Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Hey, hey, let's not assume too much. Not everyone eats quickly!
Art_Critic Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Hey, hey, let's not assume too much. Not everyone eats quickly! ..... sooo true TBF...
FitChick Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 This reminds me too much of a friend's situation. When the creep crawled back, blubbering and asking for forgiveness, he got her to admit she wanted to give their relationship another try. So what did he do? He dumped her. Gotcha! He "won." He couldn't stand that she had been happy without him and had to twist the knife. There are some sick people in the world.
Nexus One Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 If they're indeed having break-up sex, then that means we're waiting here until they're done. That thought makes me feel so awkward. One simply does not wait for people to finish f*cking. Are you done D-Lish? We want to get on with our lives. I mean how many times do you need to climax?
country_gurl Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 With all due respect, D, I don't understand why you would have agreed to meet with him today. You claimed that it was to finish getting closure. How much closure do you need? Wasn't your 'talk' yesterday sufficient? It's easy to feel, as you claimed you did, that you're "in control" when an ex who hurts us finally comes back to apologize but I think it's really just a very false sense of being in control. I think we're just kidding ourselves into believing we're strong and that we wouldn't even consider getting back with them. The fact that you agreed to see him again today says to me that deep down you would consider getting back with him and I won't be surprised to read that you and he decided to give it another shot. It seemed odd to me that you admitted that you would have had sex with him yesterday. If someone hurt me the way that he hurt you, I wouldn't even be able to consider being intimate with them, particularly given your past circumstances of the MC. It seemed obvious to me that when he was sending you those texts that he was being pretty transparent in what he's looking for.
Art_Critic Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 The fact that you agreed to see him again today says to me that deep down you would consider getting back with him and I won't be surprised to read that you and he decided to give it another shot. Well of course.. she is still heartbroken and in the middle grieving. What she will do, might very well be far different than what we/you would do or it might not be.. I guess we'll find out after she is done with desert... The only support I have to offer D-lish right now is hugz and Dove Dark.. the rest of what I have to offer doesn't fit her scenario.
threebyfate Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Well of course.. she is still heartbroken and in the middle grieving. What she will do, might very well be far different than what we/you would do or it might not be.. I guess we'll find out after she is done with desert... The only support I have to offer D-lish right now is hugz and Dove Dark.. the rest of what I have to offer doesn't fit her scenario.I'll bet to the bolded! Okay, in all seriousness, I totally agree. This is her life and she's an adult who's fully responsible for herself. Whatever her course of action, I'm here to listen/read and support.
Art_Critic Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Of course I believe in the benefit of a doubt, and don't want to rush and make a call on this one. I wanted add to this.. because I am one to believe in the benefit of a doubt too.. but really that time has passed.. What it is now is is the person worthy of a second chance and are they fully/truly remorseful. I am one to believe in second chances in a relationship providing what caused the need for a second chance gets fixed.
xoxoDaniellexoxo Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 If they're indeed having break-up sex, then that means we're waiting here until they're done. That thought makes me feel so awkward. One simply does not wait for people to finish f*cking. Are you done D-Lish? We want to get on with our lives. I mean how many times do you need to climax? Do you feel like you are back in college waiting for your roomie??? If so then welcome to the first two years of my college life!! Lucky me I always had my iPod and laptop!
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