threebyfate Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 He already text me to tell me he just got to his hockey game and he was glad we talked.He didn't have to do that. So why did he? For me, I think I needed this closure. I can't see the two of us ever going back and having a relationship again.Glad to hear that it gave you closure. From the sounds of it, you needed to hear from his own lips how he acknowledged messing up and not being there for you when you needed him. Unless he makes some massive changes within himself, getting back with him wouldn't be a wise idea. A partner is one who you can lean on when you're feeling weak. And I know you're strong enough for a partner to lean on when he's feeling weak so asking for this from someone else isn't asking too much.
0hpenelope Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 D, you know... I remember your posts and how things were and where you were mentally, emotionally... I'm thinking this guy is really, really lucky that you even spent that much time with him and I'm amazed that you held yourself together pretty well considering what he did to you. Did you do anything afterwards? Were you able to talk to a girlfriend or did you go out or did you just opt for taking a quiet, reflective time for yourself?
Nexus One Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 In my opinion it actually went rather well. Both of you were able to get things off your chests and that must give some sort of relief, perhaps a relief on the long term, but a relief nonetheless. I'm both in shock and I can't deny seeing him has messed me up quite a bit. I'm still crying. Awww, D-Lish. It's going to be alright.
Nexus One Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 He didn't have to do that. So why did he? She proposed a friendship with him in her e-mail, perhaps that's why he thought he could send her that text.
Author D-Lish Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 You know what is crazy? I've won on 2 lottery tickets in the past week. I won 20$ on Lotto 649, and then checked my Lottomax ticket this morning and won $50! I've been starting to feel better these past few days, and today I really got dolled up to go out and go shopping (because I was feeling good). So when he text me asking me to meet- I was looking my best (thankfully). I've also lost weight since he last saw me (pregnancy weight obviously- almost 15 lbs). It felt good to answer the door knowing I was looking my best. I made us both a sandwich while he was here- his weight loss is pretty noticeable. He has been taking Creatine to bulk up since before we met and he said he went off of it a few months ago. I did used to tell him I was concerned about him taking it because I'd researched the side effects.
threebyfate Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 She proposed a friendship with him in her e-mail, perhaps that's why he thought he could send her that text.Whether it's for friendship or more, he does appear to want to retain some form of connection with D. What? You made him a sammich? Did you also smack him with your frying pan?
0hpenelope Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 You know what is crazy? I've won on 2 lottery tickets in the past week. I won 20$ on Lotto 649, and then checked my Lottomax ticket this morning and won $50! I've been starting to feel better these past few days, and today I really got dolled up to go out and go shopping (because I was feeling good). So when he text me asking me to meet- I was looking my best (thankfully). I've also lost weight since he last saw me (pregnancy weight obviously- almost 15 lbs). It felt good to answer the door knowing I was looking my best. I made us both a sandwich while he was here- his weight loss is pretty noticeable. He has been taking Creatine to bulk up since before we met and he said he went off of it a few months ago. I did used to tell him I was concerned about him taking it because I'd researched the side effects. Talk about eerie timing!
Author D-Lish Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 He didn't have to do that. So why did he? Glad to hear that it gave you closure. From the sounds of it, you needed to hear from his own lips how he acknowledged messing up and not being there for you when you needed him. Unless he makes some massive changes within himself, getting back with him wouldn't be a wise idea. A partner is one who you can lean on when you're feeling weak. And I know you're strong enough for a partner to lean on when he's feeling weak so asking for this from someone else isn't asking too much. Don't worry, even sitting here now, only sniffling instead of sobbing, I know he's not right for me. I know getting back with him would be a terrible idea given our history. Would I have slept with him had he not had to go to his hockey game? Yeah, I think I would have. He text his buddy to see if he could skip the game but they didn't have enough players so he had to go. That's a blessing in disguise I think. Temptation eliminated. I knew the thought was crossing his mind and he touched my knee a few times. D, you know... I remember your posts and how things were and where you were mentally, emotionally... I'm thinking this guy is really, really lucky that you even spent that much time with him and I'm amazed that you held yourself together pretty well considering what he did to you. Did you do anything afterwards? Were you able to talk to a girlfriend or did you go out or did you just opt for taking a quiet, reflective time for yourself? I came right onto LS to vent the moment the the door closed behind him. I feel lucky in some ways myself- that listening to a lot of what he said has eliminated a lot of the self blame I've been feeling the past 4 1/2 months- which has kept me "stuck" with regard to getting over him. In my opinion it actually went rather well. Both of you were able to get things off your chests and that must give some sort of relief, perhaps a relief on the long term, but a relief nonetheless. Awww, D-Lish. It's going to be alright. It will be alright, I know that. If so many of the things we said to one another tonight had have been a part of our break up talk- I think I would have been over him by now. The one issue that started him crying was the fact that he'd told me initially that he didn't want the baby- and he knew I did. When I MC'd and went into a tailspin of sadness- he said he felt so guilty for wishing the pregnancy had never happened- I compounded his guilt by starting a fight with him when he chose to go out with his buddies 2 days after I had the MC. I was so upset that he chose to leave me to go out with his friends, I did text him that night that to accuse him of "celebrating". He said that he originally saw it as blowing steam after a particularly tough period and was sooooo mad at me for accusing him of that- but that text I sent him made him feel so guilty that it made him question if he was celebrating.
Author D-Lish Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 Whether it's for friendship or more, he does appear to want to retain some form of connection with D. What? You made him a sammich? Did you also smack him with your frying pan? Yeah, I made him a sammy. He came just before 5 and I was hungry, so I made him one too. I know there is an element of "why the hell did you even answer this guy and let him into your life again after what he did"... And I agree with that. I got my closure- and I promise you I won't get back together with him
daphne Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I'm glad you got your closure. It sounds cathartic. He owed you a big, fat apology and it sounds like you got it. It's unfortunate that he had to learn from others that his behavior was egregious. But at the very least, he's capable of owning up to mistakes. I am relieved to know you won't be getting back together. Maybe now you can close this chapter and open a new one with someone better suited.
Arikel Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I'm glad you got closure D-lish, and even happier that you realize that the relationship is over for good, and you can move on. I hope one day you will find the right man for you, who will be with you through thick and thin!
Author D-Lish Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 I'm glad you got your closure. It sounds cathartic. He owed you a big, fat apology and it sounds like you got it. It's unfortunate that he had to learn from others that his behavior was egregious. But at the very least, he's capable of owning up to mistakes. I am relieved to know you won't be getting back together. Maybe now you can close this chapter and open a new one with someone better suited. I just have to be strong. I think we're going to have to have a talk about cutting ties, He text me after his game to tell me they had won 6-4 and he had scored 3 goals, followed by a smiley face.
Arikel Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Does nothing get between men and their sport?
Duckduckgoose Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I lurked on your coping thread, so when I saw this my eyeballs about dropped from my head. At least he apologized for all the **** he did. You got the closure and to see him at his worst, something most of us can only dream of. Don't get back with this guy
daphne Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I think tbf was right. He is looking for something more than redemption. I think you're also right that he's probably depressed if he's lost a lot of weight like that. I just don't think that in a situation like the one you were in, you can ever really go back. Especially when they acknowledge they have issues and aren't actively working to fix them. Even if he did, it could take years to figure it out. You are strong. You got through the worst of it. Be good to yourself this weekend.
Author D-Lish Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 I think tbf was right. He is looking for something more than redemption. I think you're also right that he's probably depressed if he's lost a lot of weight like that. I just don't think that in a situation like the one you were in, you can ever really go back. Especially when they acknowledge they have issues and aren't actively working to fix them. Even if he did, it could take years to figure it out. I think he's fishing to get back together. His "we won" text is just like old times. I didn't answer. If I can be completely honest with people- I think he has issues regarding his sexuality. I plan to see him one more time (in public this time to avoid the temptation of sleeping with him). He just texted again asking if I wanted to do brunch tomorrow. I said I would- I feel okay about it. All of a sudden I am in control again. I'm meeting him at 11am at our old breakfast place we used to go to. I think I can handle putting an end to everything for good. I think I have to.
threebyfate Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I know there is an element of "why the hell did you even answer this guy and let him into your life again after what he did"... And I agree with that. I got my closure- and I promise you I won't get back together with him I'm sorry. You don't need to justify anything to me. I just want you to be happy in the way that you want to be happy. If it's down a different road than I'm suggesting, you are you and I am me, so that's okay. ((hugs))
carhill Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I wish you well in executing your decision.
xoxoDaniellexoxo Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I just have to be strong. I think we're going to have to have a talk about cutting ties, He text me after his game to tell me they had won 6-4 and he had scored 3 goals, followed by a smiley face. I know you can do this! I am happy to know you are doing a little better and I am hoping that you did get the closure that you needed. I never got closure in some situations and I wish I did. Just keep being strong like you are now.
Art_Critic Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I'm sorry. You don't need to justify anything to me. I just want you to be happy in the way that you want to be happy. If it's down a different road than I'm suggesting, you are you and I am me, so that's okay. ((hugs)) Art endorses this post
You'reasian Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 D-lish, your story sounds like mine (from the girlfriend's perspective though). You claim to be in your 40's, so that's one difference. The other is that she is not a blonde and has a much different figure. Lastly, your stories seem like they are bits an pieces of other stories fused together. Anywho, I haven't contacted my recent ex because I have no interest in doing such or getting back together with her. I love beautiful women, but more importantly women who have good hearts and who love and take care of their men like their men take care of them. Keep track of your communications with your exes. I would compare what was communicated electronically versus what you are saying. I feel for you. If you were my actual ex, I would wish you best of luck.
Author D-Lish Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 I'm sorry. You don't need to justify anything to me. I just want you to be happy in the way that you want to be happy. If it's down a different road than I'm suggesting, you are you and I am me, so that's okay. ((hugs)) I know I don't ever have to justify anything to you- but you're right, and I'm right- he's not my future. You're often giving me advice as "me" without the cloud which is why I always listen to, and respect your advice. I'm not getting back together with him. It was just liberating to finally have that closure so few of us get. I wish you well in executing your decision. Decision made C- I'm bringing you my Kia Tuesday so you can trick my ride- then I am going to find myself someone that is compatible with me. I know you can do this! I am happy to know you are doing a little better and I am hoping that you did get the closure that you needed. I never got closure in some situations and I wish I did. Just keep being strong like you are now. I'm not strong Dan, I would have slept with him had he not been able to get out of his hockey game. He was willing to not go to his game despite the fact that they would forfeit if he didn't go. I told him to go. I'll have a clearer head tomorrow, and I'll set things straight.
Zaphod B Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I think he's fishing to get back together. His "we won" text is just like old times. That's the impression I got when I read your report on this. Now it's going to be a test of just how strong your resolve is to resist him. I don't think I could be that strong if it was my ex fishing to get back together.
Author D-Lish Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 That's the impression I got when I read your report on this. Now it's going to be a test of just how strong your resolve is to resist him. I don't think I could be that strong if it was my ex fishing to get back together. Well, he said EVERYTHING tonight that I've been wanting to hear for months. At the moment I feel calm because I feel like I finally got that closure I have been looking for and been unable to find for myself. All I have done is blame myself. The thing is- I am sure we could get back together, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to be "bitchy" once and a while, I'm going to be imperfect forever. I don't see him as the type of guy that will ever be okay with who I am through and through. I think his little talks with his friends gave him hope that I'm going to be "perfect girl" again after having the hormones leave my body.
You'reasian Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 (edited) I'd recommend going No Contact, if possible. Moving on is a good thing. Edited September 5, 2011 by You'reasian
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