GinaM Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 I had been dating with my b/f during 2 yrs. It was distant relations in the beginning. I fell in love. In the beginning he was just the best. We did a lot of travelling first 1.5 yrs. Then we decided I should move on so I quit my job (though it was me who has a better career), I enrolled into business courses in his country. I relocated this summer and spent there 3 months. I adapted quite well to a professional life though my personal life had been ruined. Nothing worked out as we had a lot of conflicts. Though I have a complicated nature I was supportive and caring towards him, I never flirt with other men, I was concentrated on studies, I was hard working and independent. I managed to find short-term job to get extra money even my business school did not allow to combine work and studies. FInally I left for vacation to my country. He was supposed to go to LA to enjoy vacation as well. He never even offered me joining him. During my stay with him for 3 months I ve noticed he changed a lot mostly because we ve been in permanent conflicts. Once he exchanged phones with a girl he knew, I did not understand what was it cause I do not speak his language fluently, he flirted with all girls around starting from waitress and ending with his friends when I was near. Once in a night club one drunk guy came to me and kissed and he didnt react except saying dude it is my g/f. He permanently yelled on me for no reasons and couldnt control himself. I felt whatever I do it irritates him. Then I found myself studying hard, working and living alone almost all time in the studio we rent and him staying almost all the time in the hosue of his parents doing nothing. He continued to meet friends, going out, etc. All the time I asked if he could spend time with me he answered Can I have time for myself? One week after my arrival to my home country he broke with me by skype. He was a classical dumper with all this "Lets stay friends", "I will always regret",etc In the beginning I felt panic, I cried everyday, I could not sleep properly. He made calls to me on a regular basis to ask how am I. Once -twice a week. All our conversations led to arguing and my reproaches which was stupid of me. Though I never contacted him first once I sent him: I miss you. After that I decided to begin NC. I blocked him on FB mostly for me not to check his profile often. I blocked skype. I arranged everything not to remind me of him. WHen he discovered he got mad, calling me 5 times a night and sending few messages. I did not answer. After that I came to skype and he contacted me asking if I found a new boyfriend. He thought that was a reason for me to block him on FB. I tried to talk about my things because I left his country not knowing I never going to return. He promised me to send it to me back and continued to blame me for finding new b/f so fast (though it is not true) Since then I continued my NC. Once he call me and his phone was not identified and I picked up. We had a conversation he was asking how I am bla bla...After that he texted me saying a lot of good things about me and that "he regrets he could not give me all love I gave him but he hopes he will grow up from our relations"... I answered "yes I was a good girlfriend and I have nothing to feel guilty for". Now he continues to stalk me texting "I still love you, I am dying"...I do not reply I need some advices to be strong and to overcome this difficult period. I need some power because I also still love him. Though I start to feel close to a recovery since it is already 1 month we broke. Thanx
Author GinaM Posted September 4, 2011 Author Posted September 4, 2011 Also he has a B day this week Shall I text him happy birthday I am afraid if I dont do this all his family would think I am a bad person(((
Author GinaM Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 I am upset no one replied to my posts, now the story has a continuation and I really need some opinions...as I feel completely lost.... my ex wrote me: "I need to talk to you... I ****ed up, I was lost in my head... Now I understood I was in love... I should be more close to you... I made a mistake... I love you I ****ed up everything... Do you still love me?I have a stress and a heart pain. I feel guilty and I need to prove myself that I am a good man and also I want to give you love you deserve... We need to try again... I still love you my girl... I dont want to let you go with other man" I asked him: " What can we do? Do you want to try again?" He answered " Yes. Do you want?" I said: "I need to learn how to trust you again.... you need to think what can we do now in this situation...I feel hurt and I am trying to forgive you. I can give you one more chance as I feel there is still love between us..." 1)I do not know if he is playing games with me or no. 2) If I return to him I do not have guarantees he will not dump me again 3) Shall I wait for actions from him as I do not trust his words anymore. WHat actions it should be?" Please help me
coltsfan1 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 my advice is to date again, learn to enjoy each others company prior to returning to a serious relationship. When you are with someone it should be fun and you BOTH should enjoy the time you spend together. Gina are you actually talking to your ex or is everything being discussed in text?
Author GinaM Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 yes, he calls me... today he call after texting for 30 min, but I was in a centre of the city with my mom and could not talk...I told him lets discuss everything in the the afternoon... though we can not meet in person for now (distance is 3.5 hrs by plane) in the beginning when we were talking I could not say anything except reproaches and bad memories, he never fight just accepted it and said: "yes, ok, you are right, sorry" for now I feel better I do not make reproaches and we do not fight at all...I feel I trust him that he still loves me but I feel scared he will dump me for the second time
coltsfan1 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 for now I feel better I do not make reproaches and we do not fight at all...I feel I trust him that he still loves me but I feel scared he will dump me for the second time This is why you all have to date and have fun again, that way you both will look forward to spending time together. If you feel like you can trust him then start to date again and DO NOT put your heart fully into it. Just spend fun time together.
sun_moon Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Gina, He has to prove to you he is sorry and really wants you back through his actions not his words. You cant tell him that, its something he has to prove. You cant go back to living with him, because in the beginning everything will be alright, then all the bad habits will return and you will begin to fight again. Is tht what you want? He needs to fight for you because HE MESSED UP, HE DUMPED YOU! At the same time you have to ask your self these VERY important questions: Do I want to go back to someone that flirts with every walking being around me? Do I want to be taken for granted when I have given up EVERYTHING for him, my country, my family, my career, my former life to be with him in a strange country? Would he do the same for me? Can I trust him? If you are uncertain and see that one of these answers doesnt suite you, then I really do think it's best to try to move on and find someone who deserves your love and will cherish you. Thats my opinion on it.
Trovador Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Make the ****** suffer... that is, if he loved you, something I doubt very much... He just misses having someone to adore him, someone whom he will punch so he can be free of stress and in a good physical form, a human punching bag if you will... Dump him NOW! Do you really think he will change?
Author GinaM Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 well, after 1 month he gave me a call almost crying and saying he still loves me... he said he regrets he did not pay more attention to me, that he did not care about me enough, that he was lost in his mind when he told me he lost love now he "realized that he is in love", he told me he wants to show me that he is a good man, that he will spend more time with me...that we could have a family and even babies... when I explained that now he shall prove it and shall make plans how we can be together again he promised he would think over it after 1 week he broke with me again saying he can not offer me anything and that I shall go and find another man.....that if I need something I can always talk to him and that his mother saying hello to me....he continues to text me asking how I am...what news I have... I just texted back that he broke my heart and I am not interested in this "friendly talk"... I just wander how can someone be so cruel and heartless? Finally after 1 month I found a peace in my heart and stopped thinking about him, he made me believe we can be together again and dumped me for the second time...now I feel my heart completely broken
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