M2155 Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 People break up all the time an end up in relationships that are 10 times happier. I can't compare myself to some of you who've had deep 5-8-10 year relationships to see the person walk out on you-I am sure that take much longer to come to grips with, but I'm finding my emotional perspective changing toward looking forward more than back. When we first broke up I was angry and how he did it, angry for not giving us a chance, hurt that he could be so cold, hurt that he didn't care about how I felt, hurt because I was now alone, sad because I didn't have him next to me and I missed him, jealous that another woman had his attention, desperate because I was lonely and in denial that he would change his mind, etc... I cried for days, told everyone I knew what a jerk he was and those thoughts settled in about how now I have to start over and would never find anyone as perfect as him... (and I still have that latter thought). But after a few days I accepted and struggled to push forward. I recently broke NC with my ex and had a few small pieces of the conversation you should have when you break up. I listened and it stung like crazy to hear your own faults, even if they are minor or well-intentioned. Even thought his wrong-doings and lack of effort led to the demise more than anything, if your partner isn't happy/attracted/feeling "it"/needed/respected etc...you probably played a part in them leaving (yes of course there are reasons that have nothing to do with you, but I'm talking a genuine "it's not working" here). To my surprise here comes the tears again but double-time and I can't stop it for days. Well I finally realized I am no longer sad for HIM but sad for what I wanted with him. Sad for the realization that I have flaws that played a role here. Sad because I needed to fix them before I can have a good relationshsip with him or anyone. This has kind of helped ease the "missing him," as I start to feel it is more about me time. That this experience is for me to grow into the person that won't make the same mistake when Mr. 10x Better comes along. I can't say I won't be back to square-one one the next lonely weekend staring at the phone and missing when he was here. I can't say I don't entertain the thought that one day he'll come back or will be sorry he didn't. But I'm starting to think more about me, and the pain of not being the best me is starting to be more important than the pain of losing him. Taking this perspective is really helping me feel more optimistic about the future.
mike588 Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 Wow, That was great, I feel better already. I was just recently dumped and this has helped.
Buttercup84 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 People break up all the time an end up in relationships that are 10 times happier. I can't compare myself to some of you who've had deep 5-8-10 year relationships to see the person walk out on you-I am sure that take much longer to come to grips with, but I'm finding my emotional perspective changing toward looking forward more than back. When we first broke up I was angry and how he did it, angry for not giving us a chance, hurt that he could be so cold, hurt that he didn't care about how I felt, hurt because I was now alone, sad because I didn't have him next to me and I missed him, jealous that another woman had his attention, desperate because I was lonely and in denial that he would change his mind, etc... I cried for days, told everyone I knew what a jerk he was and those thoughts settled in about how now I have to start over and would never find anyone as perfect as him... (and I still have that latter thought). But after a few days I accepted and struggled to push forward. I recently broke NC with my ex and had a few small pieces of the conversation you should have when you break up. I listened and it stung like crazy to hear your own faults, even if they are minor or well-intentioned. Even thought his wrong-doings and lack of effort led to the demise more than anything, if your partner isn't happy/attracted/feeling "it"/needed/respected etc...you probably played a part in them leaving (yes of course there are reasons that have nothing to do with you, but I'm talking a genuine "it's not working" here). To my surprise here comes the tears again but double-time and I can't stop it for days. Well I finally realized I am no longer sad for HIM but sad for what I wanted with him. Sad for the realization that I have flaws that played a role here. Sad because I needed to fix them before I can have a good relationshsip with him or anyone. This has kind of helped ease the "missing him," as I start to feel it is more about me time. That this experience is for me to grow into the person that won't make the same mistake when Mr. 10x Better comes along. I can't say I won't be back to square-one one the next lonely weekend staring at the phone and missing when he was here. I can't say I don't entertain the thought that one day he'll come back or will be sorry he didn't. But I'm starting to think more about me, and the pain of not being the best me is starting to be more important than the pain of losing him. Taking this perspective is really helping me feel more optimistic about the future. I wish I had your strength and wisdom.All the best xxx
intigo Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 its been about 40 days since she broke up with me and had my closure 3 days ago. I have these sudden moments, where i find my old self. its not that i feel happy i just feel like myself, im not over her and i dont think it will be easy, but day by day i pick my pieces and try to accept it. I wish you the best.
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