Queen of Hearts 10 Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 For a year I have asked him to change his phone number. He knows that's what he needs to do. I'm not capable of the NC rule. He now has a new GF but slept with me 3 weeks ago. So now he said he is committed to her but yesterday he said he would call and maybe he could see me this week. Today he broke me with saying not to call he was leading me on! He said there is nothing to say very cold and distracted. He will put a restraining order on me if I keep calling and texting. He said its over why do you still call. I told him I can't let go we slept together I do have feelings ! He was driving with his son and put him on the phone to tell me to stop calling ! I'm in trouble send help ! Can I get in trouble for calling and texting to much ? He shuts his phone off anyway when I call. I told his son which he is 16, to spend more time with him instead of the GF and her kids ! I know I have to step out of this. I just have my low points and call. It would all be over with if he changed his # Queen of Hearts 10
Author Queen of Hearts 10 Posted September 4, 2011 Author Posted September 4, 2011 You need another BEER ! Thanks a lot ! Everyone on here has the same stuff I don't candy coat my pile of sh*t. I need him to change his phone # and then he can have his freedom and I will have the wall that I can not get past. I will not bring my problems to my family we are not that close. Counseling doesn't make me quit loving someone ! You are as mean as he is ! Queen of Hearts 10
carhill Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 After scanning the OP's past threads, I'll join Homebrew in suggesting professional counseling. I've seen this dynamic up close. I recall a particular phone call in the early early AM from the lady sitting in her car outside her ex'es house with him threatening to call the police on her. All I could do was talk to her to keep her in the car and off his property so as to keep her out of custody. Such an event wasn't uncommon. Decades ago, as a young man, I experienced this kind of insanity myself, an abject inability to accept reality and move on. The result was a depression which lasted for a few years. As I hid the dynamic, no one thought to suggest counseling. Having been through the counseling process more recently, I kick myself for not engaging it all those years ago. Get help OP. It'll get better. There's no need to get a police record over this man. Inevitably, if you remain on this path, that's going to happen. Being a woman doesn't exempt you. We're all adults responsible for our actions.
Nohbody Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Queen of Hearts, It's not an issue of being made to not love someone, it's an issue of you not being able to deal with this by yourself. Help is just help, it's not men in white suits coming to take you away. You are telling yourself "If he will only do X, then I will be ok." Today it's change his number, but tomorrow it will be something else. You need to be ok without regard to what he is or is not doing, and maybe a professional can help guide you to that place.
BlindRage Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 For a year I have asked him to change his phone number. He knows that's what he needs to do. I'm not capable of the NC rule. He now has a new GF but slept with me 3 weeks ago. So now he said he is committed to her but yesterday he said he would call and maybe he could see me this week. Today he broke me with saying not to call he was leading me on! He said there is nothing to say very cold and distracted. He will put a restraining order on me if I keep calling and texting. He said its over why do you still call. I told him I can't let go we slept together I do have feelings ! He was driving with his son and put him on the phone to tell me to stop calling ! I'm in trouble send help ! Can I get in trouble for calling and texting to much ? He shuts his phone off anyway when I call. I told his son which he is 16, to spend more time with him instead of the GF and her kids ! I know I have to step out of this. I just have my low points and call. It would all be over with if he changed his # Queen of Hearts 10 Hey Queen of Hearts, I know what you mean. But eventually not talking to that person will become second nature. See it as an addiction you have to beat. It's hard, I won't lie (personal experience) it feels like the hardest thing you'll ever have to do. Just remember, you can do whatever you set your mind to. Make it an everyday challenge, start simple. Say, I won't call or text today. Then do it! Or at least try the hardest. Once you get the hang of it, up it to two days then three and so forward. It sucks if you're being threaten with a restraining order. You don't want that to follow you and make you feel more foolish in the long run.
giuliano-3 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 QOH 10, this isn't going to end well if things keep progressing the way they are. If you know where he lives then that "wall" you speak of isn't going to keep you back. If he changes his phone # you'll probably feel angry/hurt/shamed and then your mind will race about figuring a way to communicate with him. He's got you hooked, completely wrapped around his finger. He's controlling you. The only way to break these bonds is to change yourself. To want to change yourself. To not want to be controlled. Whether the help is inside/outside - friends/family/doctor - you need it. Here's to hoping you find that light.
ConfusedT Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 if he is threatening you with a restraining order that should be a clear sign to LET IT GO. how about you put a block on your phone so you cant call or text him? making him do something is pointless, if that worked, you'd still be with him. you have to find some strength and having other people do things to fix things isnt the right way. counseling sounds like the best option, because you seem a bit obsessed (nothing wrong it happens to the best of it) and you need help before it gets out of hand!
reimeivn Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 why cant he change his phone number? tell you what he is not changing it, he doenst have the right to tell you to stop. you cant. i hope you will feel better soon. i am in no place to say anything. but a guy like that is not the one you want to have a family with. not a good father to your kid. i hope that thought helps you out a little bit.
stopthemadness Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 For a year I have asked him to change his phone number. He knows that's what he needs to do. I'm not capable of the NC rule. He now has a new GF but slept with me 3 weeks ago. So now he said he is committed to her but yesterday he said he would call and maybe he could see me this week. Today he broke me with saying not to call he was leading me on! He said there is nothing to say very cold and distracted. He will put a restraining order on me if I keep calling and texting. He said its over why do you still call. I told him I can't let go we slept together I do have feelings ! He was driving with his son and put him on the phone to tell me to stop calling ! I'm in trouble send help ! Can I get in trouble for calling and texting to much ? He shuts his phone off anyway when I call. I told his son which he is 16, to spend more time with him instead of the GF and her kids ! I know I have to step out of this. I just have my low points and call. It would all be over with if he changed his # Queen of Hearts 10 I agree with everyone on here that says 2days word is therapist!!! And NO it doesnt matter how many times you give into him and have sex with him. At the end of the day, you guys are broke up!! This is SOOO ture so pay attention!! I know a lady (very pretty lady) who right now as i write this has a restraining order on her from her ex based on texting, phone calls and emails!!! My breakup kinda happened when hers did. So I watched and learned what NOT to do. Ive had a very hard time with my breakup too. Soo I feel your pain. Its been a little over a year and Iam telling you smtimes it feels like yesterday that we brokeup!! I knew I couldnt do this alone (was 2gether 8 + yrs) So yes I saw a therapist for seven months. I learned coping skills from her that I use to this day. In fact my ex is trying to reach out to me!!! Ya!! how the tables have turned. You hang in there..This can be done..I did it. Find smone to talk too REALLY!!!! good luck....keep posting it helped me.......
Author Queen of Hearts 10 Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 Thank You ALL. I work 7:00 to 7:00 at night so I missed all of the messages that we're written here. I got in this morning at 8:00 to find the advice and friends, that have also been torn up by LOVE. I found on the internet info about Obsessive Love~~! It says to replace it with a hobby, friends, NC, (my downfall) and help. I'm scared of never seeing him again. I picture him with her and the new love they are now sharing between them. Makes me sick ! When waves of hurt hit me I could fall to the ground. the article I read did say "Always remember that there is nothing more important in the world than yourself. Let your life be about YOU !" I love to deeply and idolize my men way to much ! I lost myself along the way, and he was my Quick Sand draining me !!! I hope to survive this some how, now over the next long year or so . If blindrage can find peace, then we all can ! Ha ! Ha ! (he's looking for a little snake ) ! Queen of Hearts in need of Repair 10
antinko Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 The fact is that you're selfish and you refuse to accept responsibility for your actions. Your ex should change his number so that you cannot call him? Right, and I really believe that you won't then try finding a way of contacting him through some other means if he did this... Besides, what happens next time someone enters into a relationship with you and things go wrong? The same again? It'll have to be they who must take action for your inability to control yourself? You need help. Sorry if that sounds mean, but you really really need to see someone about this otherwise you're going to suffer more and more, and likely inflict suffering on others. To be quite honest, your ex is perfectly within his rights to ask for a restraining order...because you're clearly unable or unwilling to restrain yourself.
Author Queen of Hearts 10 Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 Here let me help you out. He uses women steels money from them, didn't work for 2 years or look for a job. Didn't pay his child support. Bill collectors after him. He had 2 DUI's I helped him through all of this. Now he has moved on and I ask him to change his number because I love him and I have an obsession. To damn bad for a small inconvenience to his world as I hurt every day. I just spoke to him and he said he is changing his phone number tomorrow. I paid for it any way and everything else. A wolf in sheeps clothing ! Since the new GF mother is so great he can do this for her too ! Then she knows I won't be calling him ! So he did it for her not me ! Here is his # (720) 877-8162 This is a good looking man(dog) that Lies, cheats, steels, and uses women and says he has a right to because he's a MAN. He has hurt his own kids with his selfishness. I was stupid and saw a well mannered package and was out to help and fix his life. All that he did is take me down. I still love him~~~~UNCONDITIONALLY I need to get well and help others ! The PAIN is tremendous to be hurt and betrayed by someone you love !!!!! Queen of Broken Hearts !!!
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