Desensitized Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 Hey all, I met this girl about a week ago, and I really like her. She knows that I want to be with her, and I think she wants to be with me too. She's already told me she's interested in me and that she thinks I'm cute; she also texts me "good morning" every morning too. But when I went to make a move on her (I tried holding her hand) she wouldn't let me, because she wants to get to know me better and she says that she's a more reserved type of person. Which is cool and all, but now I'm uncertain on when to make my next move. I'm taking her on a date this Friday, so hopefully that goes as planned. It seems like she's giving me all the signs that she wants to be with me, but when is it appropriate to ask her to be my girlfriend? I don't think I've ever been with a girl that wanted to take things this slow before, so this is new to me. I do respect her enough to take things slow with her, and I told her that. I guess I need advice on when to try and hold her hand next time, since she's already told me once that she wants to wait on that... advice, please?
oaks Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 If she won't even hold your hand yet then I don't think that you should be thinking about when to ask her to be your girlfriend at all.
Author Desensitized Posted September 4, 2011 Author Posted September 4, 2011 If she won't even hold your hand yet then I don't think that you should be thinking about when to ask her to be your girlfriend at all. eh, so what does that mean? don't even go for her?
norajane Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 It means go out on dates with her until you two are comfortable with each other, find that you enjoy each other's company, and have some things in common and have fun together. If you don't do that, then becoming a couple is putting the cart before the horse. You can't hold hands and become a couple before you've even gone on a date!
oaks Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 I didn't think I was being cryptic. I just mean that if she isn't comfortable holding your hand then she's probably going to be even less comfortable with being (ie will not want to be) your girlfriend.
Author Desensitized Posted September 4, 2011 Author Posted September 4, 2011 It means go out on dates with her until you two are comfortable with each other, find that you enjoy each other's company, and have some things in common and have fun together. If you don't do that, then becoming a couple is putting the cart before the horse. You can't hold hands and become a couple before you've even gone on a date! I'm nervous; I really like her. I guess that's why I'm moving way too fast with this girl. But you're right though, I need to take her on a couple of dates first and see where that leads us. I didn't think I was being cryptic. I just mean that if she isn't comfortable holding your hand then she's probably going to be even less comfortable with being (ie will not want to be) your girlfriend. Yeah, I guess I thought that we could get to know each other while being bf/gf, but I guess it doesn't work that way ... w
Author Desensitized Posted September 4, 2011 Author Posted September 4, 2011 I feel like it's my first time dating... lol. this is embarrassing.
Casablanca Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 Just go with the flow; I wouldnt bring up exclusivity just yet, it is too soon IMO...you two need to get a good feel for each other Also on the holding hand thing she might not be a fan of PDA (even though holding hands isnt very high on the PDA list, about as low as you can go)
Author Desensitized Posted September 4, 2011 Author Posted September 4, 2011 Just go with the flow; I wouldnt bring up exclusivity just yet, it is too soon IMO...you two need to get a good feel for each other Also on the holding hand thing she might not be a fan of PDA (even though holding hands isnt very high on the PDA list, about as low as you can go) I'm trying to go with the flow, but it's very hard. She's absolutely gorgeous, and most of my friends are really surprised that she's into me. lol. So I guess it's one of those things where you don't want to screw this opportunity up. I've always been an insecure guy, and I have been making strides to better myself physically and mentally. I've lost a lot of weight; it shows. But, when you're picked on to the extent that I was in my younger years, you tend to look in the mirror and see the exact same person you were then, even though I may look different to somebody else (which I know I look different, because everybody says so) in my eyes, I look the same. I come off as confident, but it's really just a show. I need to find a way to overcome this insecurity. By the way, i'm roughly 10% body fat now, so i'm in pretty decent shape. I still think I look the same, though, as when I was about 25% body fat my perception of myself is pretty much skewed, I guess you could say.
Casablanca Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 Look at it this way, if she is into you, there is NOTHING you can do to screw it up unless you say something really creepy/stupid. There is no magical phrase, or dead line to lock up exclusivity where if you miss it, you're doomed....yeah I know its hard when its new, but trust me, dont rush it
Author Desensitized Posted September 4, 2011 Author Posted September 4, 2011 Look at it this way, if she is into you, there is NOTHING you can do to screw it up unless you say something really creepy/stupid. There is no magical phrase, or dead line to lock up exclusivity where if you miss it, you're doomed....yeah I know its hard when its new, but trust me, dont rush it Yeah, true. Thanks for the advice, mate.
SelfControl Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 (edited) Desensitized...one of the best things for your self-esteem is to be able to choose not to go out with a girl once you realize the signs she's giving you aren't genuine. By this girl not holding your hand, she is basically telling you she's not interest in you romantically. She may be interested in other things you have to offer her, such as attention. Believe it or not, some people go out on dates just for the free meal, or because they want to get out of the house, or they like being fussed over. In your case it's hard to tell where she stands because she claims she's conservative. I don't believe it, though. If you were Brad Pitt, meaning if she was really interested, she would hold your hand no matter how consevative she claims to be. What's the big deal about holding hands? So, to find out if she's conservative or if she's just going out with you for non-romantic reasons, here's what I want you to do. Go out on the date on Friday. Don't touch her during the entire time and see if she touches you. And then, at the end of the date, either try to hold her hand when you walk her to her door or try and kiss her on the lips at the doorstep before saying goodnight. The reason for doing this at the doorstep is because no one will be around, which takes the being conservative out of the equation because it won't be a PDA. Give the suggestions above a try and see what happens. If she doesn't hold your hand or turns her head when you try to kiss her, she's not interested in you. Period. The good thing is you'll be able to realize this and save yourself a lot of time and money by not going out with her anymore. And, like I said earlier, it will do wonders for your self-esteem that you were able to see this and choose not to go out with her. As far as when to ask her to be your gf, one thing at a time. Let's see if she even likes you romantically first. Edited September 4, 2011 by SelfControl
Author Desensitized Posted September 4, 2011 Author Posted September 4, 2011 Desensitized...one of the best things for your self-esteem is to be able to choose not to go out with a girl once you realize the signs she's giving you aren't genuine. By this girl not holding your hand, she is basically telling you she's not interest in you romantically. She may be interested in other things you have to offer her, such as attention. Believe it or not, some people go out on dates just for the free meal, or because they want to get out of the house, or they like being fussed over. In your case it's hard to tell where she stands because she claims she's conservative. I don't believe it, though. If you were Brad Pitt, meaning if she was really interested, she would hold your hand no matter how consevative she claims to be. What's the big deal about holding hands? So, to find out if she's conservative or if she's just going out with you for non-romantic reasons, here's what I want you to do. Go out on the date on Friday. Don't touch her during the entire time and see if she touches you. And then, at the end of the date, either try to hold her hand when you walk her to her door or try and kiss her on the lips at the doorstep before saying goodnight. The reason for doing this at the doorstep is because no one will be around, which takes the being conservative out of the equation because it won't be a PDA. Give the suggestions above a try and see what happens. If she doesn't hold your hand or turns her head when you try to kiss her, she's not interested in you. Period. The good thing is you'll be able to realize this and save yourself a lot of time and money by not going out with her anymore. And, like I said earlier, it will do wonders for your self-esteem that you were able to see this and choose not to go out with her. As far as when to ask her to be your gf, one thing at a time. Let's see if she even likes you romantically first. Hey SelfControl, thanks for the advice - I will definitely try this. I was actually overanalyzing some things she said/did the other day, and I was thinking about why she was making a big deal out of just holding hands. I mean, it's just holding hands. Granted, I only knew her for 5 days when I tried to do that, but still. She's definitely one of the more attractive women on campus, so she probably does have other guys trying to get with her. I mean, you'd assume so. But, who knows? She's given me verbal signs that she likes me romantically, but nothing physical. Perhaps a few touches here and there, but still. I don't know, i'm trying hard not to overanalyze it too much, but I do anyway. Her verbal cues are inconsistent with the physical, so it's really hard to know what she's trying to get at. But, I will definitely see where it goes on the first date; I will go from there. She seems nice and all, but she could be deceiving - wouldn't be the first time it's happened
Author Desensitized Posted September 4, 2011 Author Posted September 4, 2011 And yes, if I were Brad Pitt, I'm sure she would've held my hand xD
Author Desensitized Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 She didn't text me at all today, which I find weird... she usually texts me "good morning" or something. Hmm... I'm starting to think she's losing interest :/
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