Can't seem to move on

[stillhurt]

Hi everyone,

 

Can anybody help?

 

I broke up with my ex 7 months ago and I am still not getting much better. I have tried a lot of the things I've read on these forums. I am exercising, taking classes, volunteering, going out to meet new people, but I continue to get sad and cry over him. He jumped into a relationship 1 month after we broke up and he is still seeing this woman now. We were together for 2 years and I thought he was it. (We are both in our 30's) He was actually my first serious relationship, but I was definitely not his. I know he is over me and I want to be over him too. I don't want to waste anymore time on someone that doesn't feel the same for me.

 

I have tried, but can't seem to stop torturing myself. My days are filled with thoughts and memories that don't seem to go away no matter how much I try filling in that time. I know everyone says that time will heal all, but I honestly feel that 7 months has been a long time for me to still feel low. Is there something wrong with me?

 

Does anyone have any advice on how I can get better?

 

Still hurt

[mike588]

I wish I had a magic pill I could give you to take away your pain. Yes 7 months is a long time to still feel that bad.

I'm going thru a breakup myself ( I was dumped) 5 weeks ago and it still hurts bad but not as bad.

I suggest you get some therapy, I did and it does help.

[stillhurt]

Thank you. I think I just feel so helpless and out of control and am seriously thinking that therapy might be next.

 

He did many things to hurt me. Essentially what happened was that he contacted me after a few months with the new girl and then told me he missed me and a whole lot of other things. And, after I said that I wanted to try again, he told me no and that he already had emotions with the girl and just stopped talking to me.

 

I just don't understand why he could hurt me this way. What was the whole point? I feel like he just needed an ego boost and that I was used. But, I do know I allowed him to do all this and maybe that's why I am having a hard time. I can't even forgive myself for letting him do what he did. I know I should be strong and not give him any more power.

 

I am just wondering if there is some mental trick I can practice to block out these negative thoughts

[lucylou71]

Keep posting.If you don't feel comfortable with that,just read the advice that others give to people in your situation. It's really helped me. Gives me perspective and different insight to what's happening to me. I also see a therapist once a week and she's recommended I start a journal. Writing has helped me get out all of the sadness and anger your either feeling or going to feel. Keeps me from losing my mind. Wish there was a cure for a broken heart. Trust me,I would be the first in line. Take it one day at a time. Good luck to you.

[GinaM]

Well if he jumped into new relations after just 1 month it will not last long

 

Good news is that you will be again HAPPY (hopefully with someone who deserves you)

[mike588]

Please talk to a mental health professional. There is NOTHING wrong in doing that. It helps soooo much and worth every penny. You can choose to talk to a man or woman, your choice. I chose a woman just to get a female perspective.

 

I see now why it's taking u so long to heal,, he should'nt have contacted you, it only drags the pain out longer.

Please keep us posted. You CAN and WILL get over this. I think I mentioned earlier I'm going thru my own hell now too and know I'll get over this as you will too!!!!! You are not alone!!!!!!!!!!

 

You will look back on this some day after you have healed and moved on and say to yourself, I survived,, and it was a good thing that happened cause you will be happy in your new relationship. It's a learning and growing experience . Like GINA says,, There is a good chance it wont last.

 

As far as a mental trick u mentioned,, I put a rubber band around my wrist and every time I think of her I snap it to make me I'm dwelling on this to much.

Keep us posted.

Edited September 5, 2011 by mike588

[GG3]

Sorry to hear about your pain. I hate breakups.

 

Some people will probably hate that I mention this. But have you thought about trying to find someone else even if you don't like them too much, to be a good distraction? Find someone who isn't looking for something serious? Or sign up for an online dating site and just go on dates (not to hookup) and meet people just to get out and distract yourself? I know I've done the second one when going through a breakup. It did help some.

[Graceful]

If this was your first serious relationship and you are in your 30's, that speaks volumes for part of the reason you are feeling as helpless as you are.

 

You must be a late bloomer for this to be your first relationship, and since you are older, and thought he was the one, your mourning over the loss is more full-bodied and realized than if you were younger. You pinned a lot of hope on this relationship and not only did he break it off, he seems to have done so in a very hurtful fashion. You have said nothing about the actual relationship, however, so it's impossible to give you advice.

 

Insofar as him moving on, that's his MO. He's had previous relationships, and he may be one of those people who goes for the quick "fix" replacement and can't be alone for 10 minutes -- my ex was the same way. No, make that 5 minutes.

 

Insofar as your pain, what you are doing is all tactical, in the way of keeping busy, and that's not going to make the pain disappear, if anything, you're just suppressing your pain by keeping busy and not confronting it.

 

You need to confront your pain, get to the root of it, admit it, and rebuild your self-esteem and self worth so you can move onto a more healthy relationship. This would be through counseling.

 

We were together for 2 years and I thought he was it. (We are both in our 30's) He was actually my first serious relationship, but I was definitely not his. I know he is over me and I want to be over him too. I don't want to waste anymore time on someone that doesn't feel the same for me.

While it's commendable of you to want to move on, it doesn't work like that. And you'd also be better off not using his timetable as a benchmark for yourself. You have to go at your own speed.

 

No, there is no magic formula or secret pass code, I wish there were. We'd all be using it.

 

Please make an appointment with a counselor asap. That's the best investment of your time, and a bit overdue. Take care.

[bluenightowl]

Hi everyone,

 

Can anybody help?

 

I broke up with my ex 7 months ago and I am still not getting much better. I have tried a lot of the things I've read on these forums. I am exercising, taking classes, volunteering, going out to meet new people, but I continue to get sad and cry over him. He jumped into a relationship 1 month after we broke up and he is still seeing this woman now. We were together for 2 years and I thought he was it. (We are both in our 30's) He was actually my first serious relationship, but I was definitely not his. I know he is over me and I want to be over him too. I don't want to waste anymore time on someone that doesn't feel the same for me.

 

I have tried, but can't seem to stop torturing myself. My days are filled with thoughts and memories that don't seem to go away no matter how much I try filling in that time. I know everyone says that time will heal all, but I honestly feel that 7 months has been a long time for me to still feel low. Is there something wrong with me?

 

Does anyone have any advice on how I can get better?

 

Still hurt

 

First of all, you're doing some greats things to cope. Kudos for that and there is nothing wrong with your taking 7 months. Your were hurt badly no question. 7 months isn't really a long time if this is one of biggest breakups ever. As well, I feel when someone dumps you for someone else or get right back and starts dating someone else its really stings.

 

What you can learn from these forums, as I have done, is to ask lots of questions like you are doing. I like to know what could I do differently next time. I don't think you really want to be back with this guy as much as wish events had played out differently. Again, you can learn about people and behaviour from this forum and/or seek therapy to help you. Also forgive yourself, because it will take time to process these events even though I know you want these feelings to go away immediately .

[stillhurt]

Thank you all for the advice. I have tried online dating (not for hookups) just for distractions. And, yes, it does help, but only for a little. And, I have actually made a good friend from it.

 

Yes, I was a late bloomer but I am also very conservative. I didn't start looking for anyone until my mid-20's and even then I just dated and didn't have any real relationships. It's a long story, but you guys have already given me new insight. So, hopefully, with a little backstory you can help me more. Please.

 

In the beginning of our relationship, he was the pursuer and he really convinced me that we would work. I had a lot of doubts and there were red flags, but I ignored them all. He was a pilot. He told me he wanted to marry me and start a family and I was exactly what he wanted. We were crazy about each other, but we were also very different in terms of family backgrounds. He was very independent from his family while I was not. So, when our differences started to show, and the newness had worn off, he started to pull away from me emotionally. Granted this was a year into our relationship. I was miserable because of this. I sensed that things had changed but felt helpless. In many ways, he was punishing me for not being who he wanted. But, I also sacrificed a lot for him. Due to his job, we saw each other a few times a week or sometimes not at all for weeks at a time. Most of the time I never knew when he was going to be home and it was hard for me to have a life because of this. I felt like I was an on call girlfriend. But, he never truly appreciated any of it. Because, when he did come home he would resent anytime I had to spend with my family. I tried to explain that life can't just revolve around his schedule.

 

I am very attached to my family and it took me a long time to detach from them. He had wanted me to move in really early on in the relationship, but I always hesitated because I felt that things were changing between us. By the time I was ready he had had enough and told me that he doesn't feel the same about me anymore. Through all of this my relationship with my family had also deteoriated. They disliked him and he wasn't invited to a lot of gatherings because they felt he was a bad influence on me. In reality, they were having trouble letting go of me too. But, he couldn't stick with me through all these changes. So, we ended things after being together for 2 years. Other than my family, there weren't any big issues.

 

2 days after the break up he told me right away that he still wanted to try and he regrets breaking up. And, I sent him an email saying that he has wanted to for a long time and I am just giving him what he wants. We go back and forth for a month and out of nowhere he tells me he went out on a date. And, that he is interested in this girl and that he doesn't think it's wise for us to go back. After one very embarrassing phone call from me, (sobbing and all) he never heard from me again.

 

A month or so later, I made the mistake of picking up his phone call late one night and he said he was just checking to see how I was. Now, I know, he just wanted to know if I was still available for a back up. This torture continues for another few weeks, where he chats with me, we talk on the phone and all the usual nonsense. Through it all, I had so much hope that we would reunite. He always said he missed us and that the new girl was just a distraction. He regrets hurting me. I believed it all. I made all the mistakes one shouldn't with an ex. 3 months after our break up we met up and ended up sleeping together. It was not planned. I feel so guilty to this day and I never let it happen again. But, afterwards he contacted me many times to try. This was while he was still seeing the girl. I told him we had made a mistake and that if he wanted to get back together he had to do what's right. But, he didn't. He said that we wouldn't be happy together, but we had a strong physical attraction. What woman would accept that?! He led me on until the end of June where I finally had enough and just went NC. I was never the one to reach out to him, but I would always respond. Now, he also hasn't tried to contact me. And, he's still with the girl. I feel like I was used and that I allowed it.

 

There were so many things he did wrong in the end, but I know I made the worse and unforgivable mistake by sleeping with someone who was already with someone. I am afraid that karma would strike me in my future relationship. My story is just too lame. I feel lame for even talking about it. I should just be over this guy. He treated me unfairly in the end and I took it. I was nice, courteous the whole time, up to the last second. Now, I just wish I wasn't.

 

But, I will try the rubber band trick. Maybe I should just hire someone to smack me everytime I think about them. Or you guys can give me some more advice. I know I did a horrible thing and that he alone did not commit the wrong. How do I forgive myself and him?

[stillhurt]

Again, thank you all for your replies. It's helping. My friends and family are sick and tired of my moping and no one actually tries to talk to me about it. They all feel that it will eventually go away as long as they don't bring it up.

 

I really appreciate your replies.

[visualbasicide]

My friends and family are sick and tired of my moping and no one actually tries to talk to me about it. They all feel that it will eventually go away as long as they don't bring it up.

 

Sadly I really know what that is like. The "sweep it under the rug" routine. It's called denial people.

 

About the rest of it, All you can really do is stay NC, realize that everyone in the situation might not have acted in the best manner, accept it and move on. The biggest part of forgiving yourself has to do with your determination not to make the same mistakes again. "Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it", This definitely includes our personal history as well. Anything else just leads to you letting yourself down, which will damage your self esteem.

 

Everyone has made mistakes before, Every time someone makes a promise they can't keep, someone gets hurt, even if that promise is to ourselves.

 

Once you realize that you are becoming the person you want to be, you won't judge yourself so harshly. Yes, I did this, No this is not who I am, no this is not how I choose behave, and stick to it. The rest will take care of itself.

[stillhurt]

Thank you. I hope you all won't judge me for the mistake I made. I am trying to be strong and have not contacted him at all since. I don't want to commit anymore mistakes. The sad thing is that I am afraid that I am not over him. I know he did me wrong yet I still hurt and miss him. But, I know it's not healthy and have been struggling to find peace every single day.

 

Am I somehow going about it wrong?

[visualbasicide]

Nope, not at all. Everyone thinks that since someone hurts them it somehow should nullify how they feel about that person, it just doesn't work that way. We define our love for others, not the other way around. Our feelings have everything to do with us, if we didn't care, then there wouldn't be any negative impact on our feelings, since we do, well, this is what happens.

 

I would just use a journal and write it all down, or make one on here if you like. Helps to just plow through how you feel. Time is really the only thing that lessens the impact of it all, and the length of time varies from person to person. No one that really cared about the other just snaps out of it in a few months, we aren't wired that way.

 

Take your time, stay NC, have a healthy outlet for your emotions and take care of yourself. You'll get through it just fine.

[Graceful]

Allow me to show you the proverbial red flags, right before your very eyes (no, I am not a magician, but it's nice imagery). Let's see here ...

In the beginning of our relationship, he was the pursuer and he really convinced me that we would work. I had a lot of doubts and there were red flags, but I ignored them all. He was a pilot. He told me he wanted to marry me and start a family and I was exactly what he wanted. We were crazy about each other, but we were also very different in terms of family backgrounds. He was very independent from his family while I was not. So, when our differences started to show, and the newness had worn off, he started to pull away from me emotionally.

 

You first admit that there were red flags. You saw them right away. So while it's hard to go back and admit that, it's not as though you didn't see them in the first place.

 

Getting into the fast track in a relationship is a red flag right there. People who do this usually have motives, and the motives are generally selfish. You said so yourself. He's a pilot and it's his life, his schedule, his this, and his that. At some point there was no YOU. You were expected to always be there for him when it suited him -- where was the reciprocity for you? Where was the respect? It does not sound like there was any respect for you.

 

Let me give you an example of a normal reaction to your being close to your family from a person who cares for you:

 

"It's so nice you are close to your family. I've never been very close to mine, but I always wished I came from a close-knit family like you do. I hope at some point you'll be comfortable to introduce me so I can get to know them."

 

That is what a normal, loving person would do or say. Now, let's see -- did your ex say that or act like that? NO, your ex practically caused you to have a nervous breakdown because you are close to your family. That's not normal, and that's a red flag. Love me, love my family. No one should tell you to disengage from a perfectly loving family. In the future, you walk when someone tries to get you to make a choice like that, you hear me?

 

Through all of this my relationship with my family had also deteoriated. They disliked him and he wasn't invited to a lot of gatherings because they felt he was a bad influence on me. In reality, they were having trouble letting go of me too.

Uh, listen to your family. See, they know what's best for you -- next time.

 

Other than my family, there weren't any big issues.

 

This to me, is the most provocative thing in your post. Other than your family .... see, it's not just about your family.

 

It's about him controlling you, putting guilt trips on you, making you be there but not being there for you, being disrespectful, not compromising, "his way or the highway" ---it's all wrapped up in that. That's the personality type you were dealing with.

 

Can't you see that?

 

As far as what happened following the breakup -- it's water under the bridge, now isn't it? He jerked you around, you gave him the benefit of the doubt, you were confused. He manipulated you in a supremely evil fashion. Yes, you own your behavior, but I'd like to give you the benefit of the doubt because this was your first serious relationship and this man had you tied up in knots. Come here, go away, not now, no wait, maybe, no wait, give me a minute... blah blah blah.

 

I mean the son of a gun went out behind your back and got a new GF while he was still trying to make you feel like you still had a chance.

 

He threw you more crumbs than you'd throw out for a flock of geese, for crying out loud. CRUMBS. Using you and manipulating you and doing a darn good job of it. What a jack ass. Yeesh. Wish I'd been there to give him a piece of my mind.

 

And hey look, so you slept with him that one time. You made a mistake. Since when were you pronounced perfect?? Didn't think so. So let it go, will ya please? He's never going to get you in bed again, and that's all that matters. The world did not come to an end as far as I can see, we're both still here... right?

 

Your story is not lame, and karma is not gonna getcha. That's for real dirtbags, and you're anything but a dirtbag. He's a dirtbag, no wait, he's a juicebag. You're just an inexperienced woman who got caught up with a very controlling, selfish man who said all the right words and manipulated you.

 

Maybe I should just hire someone to smack me everytime I think about them. Or you guys can give me some more advice. I know I did a horrible thing and that he alone did not commit the wrong. How do I forgive myself and him?

You need counselling. Smacks and rubber bands are not going to fix how you feel. If you don't get into counseling, prepare to feel miserable for a very long time, unnecessarily, because if you do not get this out of your system, it will stay in your system, and prevent you from moving on. I would not work on forgiving him right now. Work on yourself. That's your top priority. Take care.

[stillhurt]

Thank you Gina and Mike. Your words have really helped. I guess that is the most painful part of any relationship ending. That someone you loved and cared for so deeply can treat you worse than they treat anyone on the street. He knew what and how he was feeling when he contacted me again, but he hurt me anyway. Everything was just an ego boost for him. It was like I was just there to entertain him, to pass time, until the new person had time for him.

 

He showed no care, no respect, definitely no love, towards me. That is why he was able to do what he did in the end. It scares me that I was with someone for so long and he was able to treat me like crap. He said I was just "too nice." It makes me question myself, so being nice means you get screwed? Should I just be a mean jerk in future relationships? So, I don't get hurt again? I respected him, his family, and his career while we were together, but all I got in return was the opposite. He criticized my family, my career and me. Of course, I never just sat there and took it, but I never criticized those things about him. I tried to give him my utmost respect at all times and in all areas of his life.

 

It makes me afraid to try with anyone new. How can I ever trust anyone again? This whole thing was like a rude awakening for me. I always thought that once I got into a relationship, if I loved and respected the person the best I can, then they will give me the same back. But, I guess I suck at relationships and have no idea what I am doing.

 

I really don't want to go to see a therapist. I have a feeling that I already know what the therapist will say to me. I just wish I had enough self control and strength to get through it on my own. It's a break-up not a death. People all around me have dealt with much worse and still have smiles on their faces.

 

I have had very negative thoughts lately in regards to life and I know I shouldn't. There is so much to be grateful for. My family really has tried to be nothing but supportive during this time and I know I am lucky to have them. I just have to find the strength like a lot of you have.

[visualbasicide]

It makes me afraid to try with anyone new. How can I ever trust anyone again? This whole thing was like a rude awakening for me. I always thought that once I got into a relationship, if I loved and respected the person the best I can, then they will give me the same back. But, I guess I suck at relationships and have no idea what I am doing.

 

You will eventually realize this has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with the other person. The whole "it's not you, it's me" line alot of us get fed really has alot of truth hidden in it. It's just that the other person doesn't ever have the nerve to finish the paragraph.

 

They are selfish people that care far more about themselves than they do about anything else. It really all does boil down to that.

 

As for all the self doubt. Something we valued failed and we always ask ourselves what must be wrong with us that it has ended so. If we had done more or been more, would this have happened? The truth is always "yes". It would have happened eventually, they are who they are and we are who we are.

 

As far as being strong....I think endurance comes first and strength comes later. Just keep venting and understand that someone elses bad behavior and choices don't reflect negatively on your character.

[sleepykitten]

Hey there Stillhurt, How are you doing. I can relate to what you are going through although its been just under 3 mths for me, like you my ex was the persuer, first yr head over heels in love etc etc, then once that yr was done the changes started, gradual, lack of effort, lack of emotion, complacency etc, like you i send=sed something was off and it made me feel dreadful as i was in a place where i thought we were fine, happy etc. It turned me into a wreck, i lost all myconfidence yet knew i should leave but just couldnt. So after a lot of rows because i would always call him up on his **** behaviour he ended it. He met someone 3 days later and is still with her now yet all through june we were still sleeping together and everytime i asked him if he had met anyone he lied. I didnt find out till beginning of august and i was devastated allover again. The lying and him being with someone else so soon hurts more than the initial break up and its the one thing i am really struggling with.

I am also in my 30's and do think it is also the loss of hope tht i had for the future having already been married before.

I am thinking of some therapy too as i know this situation is triggering alot of unresolved abandonment issues, love addiction stuff etc, have had some really down days recently but its pointless beating yourself up about it, different people take ifferent times to heal, no contact is the onlyoption, its been broken many times but after my last down day monday i thought when is it going to be enough, i so want to just be over this.

[visualbasicide]

The lying and him being with someone else so soon hurts more than the initial break up and its the one thing i am really struggling with.

 

No doubt, I so much would have rather had the ugly truth than believing a beautiful lie. The thought of being worth so little to my ex that I wasn't even worth honesty is a bitter pill to swallow. In reality they do it to protect themselves and nothing more, but it sure doesn't feel that way to us on the receiving end.

[Graceful]

It makes me afraid to try with anyone new. How can I ever trust anyone again? This whole thing was like a rude awakening for me. I always thought that once I got into a relationship, if I loved and respected the person the best I can, then they will give me the same back. But, I guess I suck at relationships and have no idea what I am doing.

You don't suck at relationships, but it is true that you don't know how to set boundaries, know how to respond to red flags, or when to call it a day with someone who is treating you poorly. This relationship would have ended a year ago (and should have), potentially, if you'd had more experience, and didn't let him take advantage of you.

 

I really don't want to go to see a therapist. I have a feeling that I already know what the therapist will say to me. I just wish I had enough self control and strength to get through it on my own. It's a break-up not a death. People all around me have dealt with much worse and still have smiles on their faces.

If you don't "want" to see a therapist, then you should suck it up and see one anyway. Do you have a medical degree, are you an MD? Do you have a PhD? That's what a psychiatrist or a qualified therapist needs to hang up a shingle. So if you think you "know what they will say" then you must have qualifications that you haven't mentioned.

 

Otherwise, you are kidding yourself if you think sucking it up and shoving your feelings aside because it "makes sense" -- you don't know how to set boundaries, you don't even know what a boundary is right now.

 

And yes, you were just as responsible as he was for what happened. You owned 50% share in that relationship, he owned his 50%. It wasn't "just him" that was there, you were there, too.

 

If you don't seek help, that's of course up to you, but at your age, staying clueless as to your issues is going to cost you in the long run. And to a certain extent, indicates you don't want to learn about yourself, and that's sad, because you should be craving the idea that you have a lot to learn about yourself right now, so you can go forward with clarity and offer your next relationship a more confident woman.

In any event, best wishes. Take care. Graceful

[olivec]

Stillhurt I know exactly how you feel. I to am in my early 30's in this last relationship i had ended 5 months ago and i'm still not recovered from it. I will tell you that therapy is something you should consider as it does help. Ok when i was in my 20's I was in a relationship with a beautiful girl i met in college. It was love at first sight for both of us it lasted 5 yrs, however the last year of the relationship was extremely rocky as we began fighting over petty stuff which led to us taking a break for a bit. In that time period I was hearing things from mutual friends that my gf was hanging out with this guy. So ofcourse I confronted her about it and she denied it with a straight face and like a fool I believed it because up to that point she never lyed to me about anything during our relationship. As time passed we were slowly mending things and it seemed we getting back together. However i heard once again that she was hanging out with this guy as one of my friends saw her out at a restuarant with the same guy and they looked very cozy together holding hands. Anyway once i heard that i got really upset and the next day asked her about it. This time she didnt deny it, unfortunately it didnt make me feel any better ofcourse. After i asked the ultimate question. Did you have sex with him? When i asked that she put her hands over her face and began crying and admitted she did have sex with him and it meant nothing that it was a mistake. I was floored by that, because i loved this girl soo much and she just threw our relationship away for some fling. I got up as i was at her apt and told her i feel completely betrayed and never want to see her ever again and just stormed out. Ofcourse afterthat I went into a tremendous depression which almost resulted in me being kicked out of school due to poor grades and not showing to classes at all. I was drinking alot also to numb the pain but it was not helping and none of my friends could convince me it was gunna be ok. I hit rock bottom big time and didn't know how to get rid of my pain. I finally decided to go into counselling through the college i was attending. It helped me alot, at first I was soo damn angry at my ex and depressed, but the counsellor helped me alot. I hope this doesnt alarm you but it took me a year of counselling to come to grips with what happend with my ex. However if I wouldn't of did that theres no telling what would of happend to me and I truely believe that. I guess what i'm saying is sometimes you need to reach out to people that can help you in a professional manner. And your probably like most people including myself as I thought I was a loser for having to go to therapy and felt ashamed that i couldn't just get over my ex on my own. However once i started going it really helped me alot to answer alot of questions i had as to why things happend the way they did.

[visualbasicide]

Counseling would be epic. Of course they aren't going to help you discover anything about how you feel or what happened that you probably don't already know, that is not what they are there for. What they do is give you a game plan to overcome all the negativity. They help you focus and move step by step towards becoming a better you, instead of the running around in circles or backsliding a lot of us get stuck with.

 

I don't think I would walk into the office and all of a sudden some magic would happen and everything will be the way I want it. Doesn't work like that, but I think they offer you sound advice on how to cope, vent, view and proceed with your life that you wouldn't have otherwise.

 

They are more like sports coaches, you may already know how to play the game, but they are the ones that help you get the most potential out of it.

[M2155]

I think me and Stillhurt dated the same guy:rolleyes:

[visualbasicide]

I think me and Stillhurt dated the same guy:rolleyes:

 

Heh, from the sound of it you two could have been dating my ex wife

[stillhurt]

Graceful, your words are tough, but true. I am closer and closer to picking up the phone and calling a therapist. I have been losing control and getting choked up in public. I know I need help.

 

I did set boundaries when we were together, he just never compromised. He would pretend to back down, but the issues would always pop up. I don't know if I am responsible for 50% of the relationship failing though! He just wanted so much so fast from me and I am just more cautious. 6 months into our relationship he wanted me to move in. But, we didn't spend that much time together! And, he always wanted me to skip work and go with him on one of his work flights. I have a strong work ethic and just didn't think it was professional. He just didn't think it was a big deal since it's a family owned business. But, would he skip work for me? Hellll no! It was a big deal for me and I almost never gave in. Either way, he moved too fast and I moved too slow. But, my belief is that if he had truly loved me he would've waited. Just because I didn't do what he wanted, he began to have doubts about us.

 

I know I am just venting. It's all in the past now. None of it matters. What matters is for me to get better and learn how to be a better person. Possibly avoiding another disaster.