clancampbell Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 About a month ago I started a contract job in another state (1 hour away by plane). I flew home last weekend after staying there for a 2 weeks. I flew home again this weekend since it was a long weekend and our anniversay was Sept 3. In any case, since I am away my wife takes care of all the domestic issues and the kids (both teenagers). She works retail full time and is pretty spent when the day is over. Being this is a holiday weekend, she doesn't have any days off this weekend. So last week I bought her a nice bracelet at Tifanny's...nothing outrageously expensive, but something I thought she would like. Last night, after she got home from work, I let her rest and relax. I had reservations at a nice steakhouse (casual dress) in town and woke her up about 45 minutes prior to. When she awoke, I had a single long-stem rose and a nice card ready for her. She liked it. At dinner, I waited until the wine came to the table and gave her the nice little blue box containing the bracelet. She liked it. Dinner was pleasant and for the most part, a fine evening with her. Aunt flo was visiting, so I knew after dinner it would just be a relaxing night of just hanging out. She works early, so it was pretty much lights out at 9pm. So here it is the next day...and I think about yesterday. It was nice evening with her. BUT, I didn't receive anything from her. I initiated the "Happy Anniversary" greeting to her. I didn't receive anything but a thanks. It's kinda festering me...I mean, really, is there no time in the day or week to at least get me a card? Not expecting the world, but now I feel rather empty by the lack of anything. Is it me?!?
Woman In Blue Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 Hell, if she works in retail, it's a good bet she's REAL close to a store that sells cards. Yeah, it was pretty lame that you were the only one making an effort. But in all fairness, you're only working during the week - she's also working PLUS she's doing the housecleaning AND the cooking AND the laundry AND dealing with teenagers AND paying the bills AND doing the food shopping AND driving the kids to after-school activities AND all the thousands of OTHER time-consuming chores that make up the average woman's day. I'm willing to bet my right arm she's probably doing at least TWICE the work you do on any given day (most women do when they work full time) or probably more. She's just plain tuckered out. But I still admit it was kind of lame that you were the only one who made any effort. I'll bet you had loads of time to make that effort, though (unlike her).
xxoo Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 What is the bigger picture? Does she normally do more on anniversaries, or is this typical? If so, has it ever bothered you before? Do you generally feel a lot of love from her, or were you hoping that the anniversary would bring out some lacking affection? Our anniversaries are pretty one-sided, but that is how it's always been. He shows his love materially....and I show it physically (why does aunt flo mean no loving at all??)
Author clancampbell Posted September 4, 2011 Author Posted September 4, 2011 Agree it's lame, esp when the date is static. I know she now does a lot more than me at home...I don't deny that at all. However, it's still no excuse. There are cards in the store she works in...I don't care if they have a gold sticker on the back, but 0% effort?!? It's funny...my 12 YO son was the one that mentioned it to her and she mentioned him saying something at dinner last night. I didn't want to spoil the evening, so I switched gears right away. Hell, if she works in retail, it's a good bet she's REAL close to a store that sells cards. Yeah, it was pretty lame that you were the only one making an effort. But in all fairness, you're only working during the week - she's also working PLUS she's doing the housecleaning AND the cooking AND the laundry AND dealing with teenagers AND paying the bills AND doing the food shopping AND driving the kids to after-school activities AND all the thousands of OTHER time-consuming chores that make up the average woman's day. I'm willing to bet my right arm she's probably doing at least TWICE the work you do on any given day (most women do when they work full time) or probably more. She's just plain tuckered out. But I still admit it was kind of lame that you were the only one who made any effort. I'll bet you had loads of time to make that effort, though (unlike her).
Author clancampbell Posted September 4, 2011 Author Posted September 4, 2011 I guess the big picture is that I want more (love/attention/intimacy) than I currently get. I try and think outside the box and with occasional initiation (usually sexual), I have to always be the one to plan and make arrangements. Last year for our anniversary, we went to a local resort and golfed for a couple days. I made arrangements with her work and arranged someone to watch house/kids. Mind you, I don't mind doing it, but not 100% of the time. So yes, this is typical and it has bothered me before. The last 2 years have been kinda rough...she is going through charges that some 40-something women do. She wants to "live" more and on occassion she has missed family events due to that. I could go on, but yeah...would love extra affection. What is the bigger picture? Does she normally do more on anniversaries, or is this typical? If so, has it ever bothered you before? Do you generally feel a lot of love from her, or were you hoping that the anniversary would bring out some lacking affection? Our anniversaries are pretty one-sided, but that is how it's always been. He shows his love materially....and I show it physically (why does aunt flo mean no loving at all??)
Osiris1234 Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 She wants to "live" more Pretty much a midlife crisis. Ive seen these things turn out REALLY REALLY BAD and couples end up getting divorced. Ive also seen it turn out really good and couples became stronger. If she says she wants to "live" again it means she yearns to experience the single life again which can turn out extremely bad or good. In my case ive seen it turn out bad. She likes to go out more, wants to hang with her girlfriends every weekend. Is out really late. Comes home drunk. Doesn't return your calls. ETC. And in alot of cases from what I have seen, it always turns out that they cheat because they wanted to know If they still have it which i find extremely retarded to do. Its usually with someone younger as well. i suggest you watch her carefully. im not gonna say your wife will, but you never know.
soserious1 Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 About a month ago I started a contract job in another state (1 hour away by plane). I flew home last weekend after staying there for a 2 weeks. I flew home again this weekend since it was a long weekend and our anniversay was Sept 3. In any case, since I am away my wife takes care of all the domestic issues and the kids (both teenagers). She works retail full time and is pretty spent when the day is over. Being this is a holiday weekend, she doesn't have any days off this weekend. So last week I bought her a nice bracelet at Tifanny's...nothing outrageously expensive, but something I thought she would like. Last night, after she got home from work, I let her rest and relax. I had reservations at a nice steakhouse (casual dress) in town and woke her up about 45 minutes prior to. When she awoke, I had a single long-stem rose and a nice card ready for her. She liked it. At dinner, I waited until the wine came to the table and gave her the nice little blue box containing the bracelet. She liked it. Dinner was pleasant and for the most part, a fine evening with her. Aunt flo was visiting, so I knew after dinner it would just be a relaxing night of just hanging out. She works early, so it was pretty much lights out at 9pm. So here it is the next day...and I think about yesterday. It was nice evening with her. BUT, I didn't receive anything from her. I initiated the "Happy Anniversary" greeting to her. I didn't receive anything but a thanks. It's kinda festering me...I mean, really, is there no time in the day or week to at least get me a card? Not expecting the world, but now I feel rather empty by the lack of anything. Is it me?!? Your wife has full charge of teens and the household while you're out of town, she works in retail, worked Friday and is expected to work everyday during the long holiday weekend? You people have obviously been married awhile, why on earth didn't you say to your wife "hey wife, our anniversary is coming up but our lives are crazy with me being out of town and you working that weekend, let's just have a quiet dinner at home and you can take charge of planning something great for us when we both have the day off, then we can both relax and really enjoy ourselves" You could have had pizza delivered, watched tv, drank wine, reconnected with her & the kids, no pressure on anybody and as a bonus, the onus would have then been on your wife to plan an anniversary celebration for later, preferably at a time when Aunt Flo wasn't around.
Avery Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 It's hard to feel romantic when you're so exhausted. She is essentially a single mom, and in the middle of working a 3 day shift, your anniversary probably felt like another job. Another thing she HAD to do. Inbetween working, cleaning, laundry, cooking, helping with homework, driving suzy to soccer, and bobby to football.. What would have been more romantic would have been if you had run her a bubble bath, handed her a glass of wine and said "Don't worry, Hon, I got things around here. You relax". Then ordered take out (if you didn't want to cook), ran a load of wash, run the sweeper, and let her enjoy dinner in bed, then turn in early and get a good nights sleep. Then YOU run suzy to soccer and bobby to football the next morning so she could sleep in before work. If she could catch up on sleep, see that you appreciate her and are willing to be a PARTNER and pull your weight, she might feel more romantic. Just a thought.
Author clancampbell Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 Not sure what I did wrong. Our oldest son had 4 wisdom teeth removed on Friday. I watched him while she worked on Saturday-Monday. While at work Saturday, I took youngest to practice, did some laundry, cleaned the house, and tended to the kids. Nothing unusual, as I often would have the house/kids one day a weekend anyways. She came home, fell asleep on the couch until I woke her up for dinner. While she was sleeping on Saturday, I took youngest with me to go get her a rose/card. She mentioned at dinner Saturday that my youngest said to her "mom, did you get dad a card?", which she replied to me "I told him I didn't have time". Well, I say bullcrap! She had the time to go to a movie while kids were at school on Tuesday and she had time to go see a pre-season football game on Thursday with a friend of ours. She also works at a grocery store...come on, it takes 10 minutes... It's hard to feel romantic when you're so exhausted. She is essentially a single mom, and in the middle of working a 3 day shift, your anniversary probably felt like another job. Another thing she HAD to do. Inbetween working, cleaning, laundry, cooking, helping with homework, driving suzy to soccer, and bobby to football.. What would have been more romantic would have been if you had run her a bubble bath, handed her a glass of wine and said "Don't worry, Hon, I got things around here. You relax". Then ordered take out (if you didn't want to cook), ran a load of wash, run the sweeper, and let her enjoy dinner in bed, then turn in early and get a good nights sleep. Then YOU run suzy to soccer and bobby to football the next morning so she could sleep in before work. If she could catch up on sleep, see that you appreciate her and are willing to be a PARTNER and pull your weight, she might feel more romantic. Just a thought.
Stung Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 You're obviously upset about it, yet when your wife actually brings it up to you (and my assumption is that was her way of fishing to find out if you were upset), you "change gears" and drop it. Is that a routine behavior in your communication with your wife?
Avery Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I went back and read your other threads. It sounds like this is an ongoing problem with your wife. I don't know what to tell you.
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