jordjones Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 A 24 yo girl I used to date in high school and have remained reasonably close to has been hanging out with a 55 yo coworker of hers for almost a year now. They both teach at the same high school and hang out on a very regular basis. She told me that she stays at his apartment some of the time, they're just best of friends, and that she is not the least bit attracted to him. I believed her for a while because she is a very cute girl and he is very fat, old, and has no money. Before the school year began, they went on a vacation together. I teased her that he was going to make a move, and sure enough he told her that he loved her and would marry her on this trip. She swears that he didn't make a move physically, but I know that on this trip they shared hotel rooms and such. But ever since the trip, she has seemed depressed and less happy. I care for this girl and wish her the best. I know her and the old man still hang out and she insists that they're just friends, but I feel that she is at best wasting her time and at worse using this guy. I mean, how can a guy - regardless of age - still hang out with a girl who he would marry, unless he is getting some sexual gratification? I ask only because it would be utterly shocking to me if this particular girl fooled around with this particular old man. Thoughts?
Author jordjones Posted September 4, 2011 Author Posted September 4, 2011 (edited) Additional Details This girl has described this man as a "father figure" Her dad died when she was 8. This girl has only ever dated decent guys in her age range. Edited September 4, 2011 by jordjones
frenchtelephones Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 If your friend says there's no sex then there probably isn't. Well, unless she's in the habit of lying about such things. At any rate, I can come up with a few other possible reasons for why the old guy is sticking around. If he's desperately in love with her (which, if he wants to marry her, he most likely is) he probably, despite having been shot down, can't shake the hope that he can change her mind. Also, love is a bit like an addiction, so even if he knows he has no future with your friend he has become addicted to being with her, and those kind of habits are really hard to break. As for your friend using the guy. Hmmm. Well, if he pays for the meals and the vacations then I suppose she could be said to be using him financially. Not that I've even been in the same situation, but I'm 21 and I can sort of see the appeal of hanging out with an older guy. If he's mature and funny and comfortable with himself your friend might see him as a nice break from the more insecure and immature guys her own age. He probably, until the whole marriage idea came up, gave her more or less unconditional appreciation and support.
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