ja123 Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 Sex Addiction is on the rise. Dr. Patrick Carnes, a leader in the field with many books, has assembled this test: http://www.sash.net/en/am-i-a-sex-addict-topmenu-104.html
Disenchantedly Yours Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 I would guess that sex addiction is one of the leading addictions in the world.
somedude81 Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 I scored a 5. Which is surprising since I've done some crazy stuff. Guess that means I'm only normal
Author ja123 Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 I would guess that sex addiction is one of the leading addictions in the world. Yes, I went to a medical conference and a sex therapist gave a lecture about Dr. Carnes' work. Apparently, since sex is a natural human need some people don't realize when it becomes a compulsion. The therapist said it can be so powerful that it's like being on crack and heroine all at the same time. She also said that a conference in Arizona this year, the sex therapists predicted a tsunami coming given all the young people on the internet these days. Scary stuff.
Author ja123 Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 I scored a 5. Which is surprising since I've done some crazy stuff. Guess that means I'm only normal Well, I guess the point is not so much if you've done some crazy stuff, but whether you are "compelled" to do it. Being able to "choose" and being "compelled" are two different things.
UpDownAllAround Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I am a 3. Hahahaha. Far from an addict. :cool:
motive2002 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I got a 7. If my drive was the same as it was in my 20's I may have scored higher.
Elysian Powder Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Why not? Life's too short. Make the best of it by sexing it up all the way to the grave. I score a 10. Heal me, Dr. Sexually starved!
Disenchantedly Yours Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Yes, I went to a medical conference and a sex therapist gave a lecture about Dr. Carnes' work. Apparently, since sex is a natural human need some people don't realize when it becomes a compulsion. The therapist said it can be so powerful that it's like being on crack and heroine all at the same time. She also said that a conference in Arizona this year, the sex therapists predicted a tsunami coming given all the young people on the internet these days. Scary stuff. Add in the fact that with porn, you can have it come directly into your home annomously, you don't even need to leave the home and you don't have to be accountable to anyone for viewing it because it's all hush hush and behind closed doors, and it's a breeding ground of addiction. Usually men are very prideful about sex and porn and I think it's harder to get a man admit that he has issues concerning sex more then it would be getting a man to admit he has issues with drugs. And even then, people rationalize themselves out of their addictions. And a growing number of women are also struggling with this issue. I also suspect we will see more oncoming issues just as you said yourself. I already see a disconnect with the men I date that too often bring pornish stuff into the bedroom and think it's great. The internet is still pretty young. The public only really had access to it since around the 80s? And it's lonly really grown a lot and quickly in the past 10-20 years.
Author ja123 Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 ... I think it's harder to get a man admit that he has issues concerning sex more then it would be getting a man to admit he has issues with drugs. .... ... And a growing number of women are also struggling with this issue. ... ... I date that too often bring pornish stuff into the bedroom and think it's great.... During her lecture, the sex therapist said that men can be difficult to treat because some of them are actually proud of it and have a very cavalier attitude about it. She said that women have a hard time "coming out of the closet" about their sex addiction, as there is more stigma attached to women being sex addicts. It's more socially acceptable for men to watch porn, for instance - almost expected like "boys will be boys" kinda thing. In terms of men bringing pornish stuff into the bedroom - that can be ok if it is to spice things up a bit IMO - however, if they completely objectify their partners and push limits without respect, then that's a bad thing. In addition, their are some men that watch so much porn that they are incapable of having an erection with a real woman because being with her doesn't measure up to all their porn fantasies.
Elysian Powder Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 (edited) Add in the fact that with porn, you can have it come directly into your home annomously, you don't even need to leave the home and you don't have to be accountable to anyone for viewing it because it's all hush hush and behind closed doors, and it's a breeding ground of addiction. Usually men are very prideful about sex and porn and I think it's harder to get a man admit that he has issues concerning sex more then it would be getting a man to admit he has issues with drugs. And even then, people rationalize themselves out of their addictions. And a growing number of women are also struggling with this issue. I also suspect we will see more oncoming issues just as you said yourself. I already see a disconnect with the men I date that too often bring pornish stuff into the bedroom and think it's great. The internet is still pretty young. The public only really had access to it since around the 80s? And it's lonly really grown a lot and quickly in the past 10-20 years. You do realize that the fact that way too many women(and men, yah) are obese, and that it's not as easy for the majority of men to bed a woman as it is for a man who has what women want(height/looks/education/charm/muscles,) causes the men who use porn, to wield porn as a tool to satisfy their natural desires and their need for variety? Right? An addiction is an obstacle that is between you and your life. Do they live productive lives? Do they maintain a social circle? They aren't addicted to porn, sorry. Most of the men you see around(13-60)watch porn on a daily basis. I remember being a kid. The net wasn't around. Me and the rest of the kids would give money to a guy who was old enough(or looked like the part) to buy adult magazines. We'd spend our free time looking at porn. What options did we have? Chase after the girls? Why? They were only interested in older guys. I don't know about you, but logical men want to experience 2 situations: 1)Pleasure. 2)paying the minimum possible amount to access that pleasure. I know that when the men decide to retire from chasing/dating/marrying women; women are going to suffer from that. That's not our problem. When women bang around the Brad Pitt's or the bad boys, we're told that it's a stage, women have ''low self-esteem''. We accept it and do not hold a grudge or create silly concepts, used to rationalize the fact that we aren't the bigger, better deal. But somehow the porn users are defected, afraid of 'real women', 'had domineering mothers', or live with their parents? How does this double standard work? To many a man, that porn is the bigger, better deal, and it's always there for him. I'd rather have sex than doing my hand, but if the pickings are slim, and I have to work for it; I'll watch porn. I'm not afraid of women or afraid of ''intimacy''. I just want to get off. That's all there is to it. The real issue is that many women are now wanting to reproduce and a very small number of willing men are into that. That men who donate sperm are now eligible to pay 18 years of child support proves the point that women can't find mates; mates that want to pay for it. Which means that, if the men refuse to ''man-up'' and marry, and pay for the kids, the psychological community is going to be forced by the overwhelming force of women without children, and clamoring for 'real men'; to warrant 'pornography'' as mental illness and will outlaw it. Did people stop drinking alcohol when they made it illegal? In addition, their are some men that watch so much porn that they are incapable of having an erection with a real woman because being with her doesn't measure up to all their porn fantasies. About that. Young men incapable of having an erection. I talked to a friend of mine who was more into women than into porn. He had a pregnancy scare. Condom leaked. pill didn't work. Now the guy can't get an erection with a real woman - those 18 years old bills to pay sure do cure a man from ''sexual addiction'', LOL! Edited September 5, 2011 by Elysian Powder
Disillusioned Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Those who tell us "there ain't no such thing as sex addiction" are finding it tougher to be believed. I think I finally figured out why. See, our bodies still think we're living in the Middle Ages. Our bodies haven't yet figured out that we're not losing 9 out of 10 babies to smallpox and bubonic plague, so we have all these sex-obsessed men and baby-obsessed women running around, trying to make more babies. But nowadays, 9 out of 10 babies are surviving... and we have no way to cluebat our DNA. We can't turn off our horniness genes. Sadly, some of us don't want to. Believe it or not, I've lurked on a few all-male boards, and I've read plenty of posts by men who say they're afraid to get addicted to sex... and they describe it as like being addicted to heroin or cocaine. I'm not trying to be funny, they really say that.
carhill Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 The only questions I answered 'yes' to were ones regarding online dating/romance as well as magazines, since I did have a Playboy subscription as a young man and have used dating sites to seek romantic partners and have used the newsgroups to access free sexual materials. My score did not compute on the site's response curve. "We have compared your answers with people who have been diagnosed with sex addiction. Your answers HAVE NOT MET a score on basis of six the criteria that indicate sex addiction is present."
Disenchantedly Yours Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 During her lecture, the sex therapist said that men can be difficult to treat because some of them are actually proud of it and have a very cavalier attitude about it. Makes sense. Pop culture has preened men to base their worth on their sexual lust. Instead of promoting the image of good, strong men who are wonderful fathers to their chidlren and good husbands to their partners. I personally think men would like these kind of images of them presented more then the drooling-unable-to-control-themselves-lusty variety. So a lot of young men identify themselves with the sexuality that mass media sells to them rather then realizing they are better then the image media sells them of themselves. It's not only women being sold crappy messages about themselves. The trick of it all is that it wraps it up in base human desire. Sex, love, companionship...these are not bad things at all. It's how media prays upon those desire and twists them that is. She said that women have a hard time "coming out of the closet" about their sex addiction, as there is more stigma attached to women being sex addicts. It's more socially acceptable for men to watch porn, for instance - almost expected like "boys will be boys" kinda thing. Absolutely. My bet is a woman might be a touch more self aware about her issues with sex or porn addiction only because of how men and women receive these messages differently. I hate the whole "boys will be boys" thing. It's more demeaning to men and boys then anything else. And it sets a very low brow expectation for men that really breeds hostile feelings in women when they see the justification. In terms of men bringing pornish stuff into the bedroom - that can be ok if it is to spice things up a bit IMO - however, if they completely objectify their partners and push limits without respect, then that's a bad thing. Everyone has their boundries. I think instead of porn "spicing" up stuff in the bedroom, it really narrows the scope of what can abe done in the bedroom. It becomes less about enjoying each other, having fun, and having good sex and more about the dog and pony show that porn is. especially since most things in porn have very little to do with female pleasure. In addition, their are some men that watch so much porn that they are incapable of having an erection with a real woman because being with her doesn't measure up to all their porn fantasies. Yeap. And look at how some men talk about porn as if it's the thing that's there for him. It's really strange.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Elysian Powder: You do realize that the fact that way too many women(and men, yah) are obese, and that it's not as easy for the majority of men to bed a woman as it is for a man who has what women want (height/looks/education/charm/muscles,) causes the men who use porn, to wield porn as a tool to satisfy their natural desires and their need for variety? I don't understand your question Elysian. My connection to the amount of overweight people in the world was to point out how much addiction and over consumption of a product there is in the world. From food, to debt and even things like Facebook. People think that when it comes to porn that *most* people aren't facing some kind of addiction and I personally think that's skewed. I'm not saying everyone that looks at porn is addict. I'm saying that if we look at our culture in general and the battles with addiction we fight that seem to be the majority rather then the minority, when you take something like porn, my bet is that the addiction is even greater then it is with food or debt. Especially amoung men unfortunetly. An addiction is an obstacle that is between you and your life. Do they live productive lives? Do they maintain a social circle? They aren't addicted to porn, sorry. Actually, people maintain their lvies but still ahve addictions everyday. My father was a complete workoholic and alcoholic but he ran a successful business and still showed up for school events. You don't have to be living in a van down by the river to have an addiction. People with good jobs is beautiful homes have addictions too. Most of the men you see around(13-60)watch porn on a daily basis. Yes, I know men aer watching porn. Where did I say they weren't? Wasn't that the issue we were talking about lol. And that's a nother fact to consider. The average boy starts looking at porn at around 11 years of age. That's a lot of formative years he is spending with material thats pretty negative toward women. My bet is that most fathers aren't talking to their children about porn either (especially their girls). They are probably trying to make their sons feel normal for their porn looking with maybe an obligatory "well son, it's not real..but enjoy" conversation. Time to get real about whats going on Dearheart. We'd spend our free time looking at porn. What options did we have? Chase after the girls? Why? They were only interested in older guys. Err...how about hobbies? That's what so sad! You spend your free time looking at porn? How about volunteering? How about a million other things you could do. YOu have tons of options. You don't look at porn because you have no options. I don't know about you, but logical men want to experience 2 situations: 1)Pleasure. 2)paying the minimum possible amount to access that pleasure. Everyone once to experience pleasure. It doesn't mean we seek it out 24/7. As for number 2, I don't have much to say to that because that's a reflection of a culture that has porn too easily at it's finger tips. The issue here isn't what is "logical". It's about what is easy. A lot of men today are just lazy. They don't want to have to work for anything. Mommy and Daddy gave them everything growing up and when the go out in the real world they can't fathom the concept of having to work hard. When it comes to work, women or other activities. Which is why you were confused as to what to do with your free time. That's not our problem. When women bang around the Brad Pitt's or the bad boys, we're told that it's a stage, women have ''low self-esteem''. We accept it and do not hold a grudge or create silly concepts, used to rationalize the fact that we aren't the bigger, better deal. Oh Sweetie, you are holding a huge grudge against women. I also think that you chase a certain kind of girl and then get upset when you don't get that kind of girl. When there are many girls that would probably be intersted in you if you gave them a chance. I don't chase "brad Pitts" or "bad boys". I've rejected men and I've been rejected by men. And the men that have rejected me haven't been super models. The last guy I went out on a date with was 5'4ish and I really liked him and he wasn't interested in getting to know me better. So stop wallowing in your self pity and realize that women are human. Just like you. To many a man, that porn is the bigger, better deal, and it's always there for him. And that's what so sad. That you, or other men, sincerely believe that the bigger better deal is your porn. I'd rather have sex than doing my hand, but if the pickings are slim, and I have to work for it; I'll watch porn. The horrors! You have to work for something! I don't crawl up into a ball and hide in my room just because I have to work for something. It takes a lot of time at the gym to maintain my weight. But I do it. Because I feel better when I do and because it does make me more attractive. I bet you would be the first man to tell a woman to work harder at her appereance. But you..you rather just be lazy and turn to porn because hard work scares you. That's your call. But I think you're missing out on a host of experiences because of that. The truth is both men and women are better for learning to have intimacy and relationships with the opposite sex. I'm a better woman for learning how to be sensitve to a man and connect with him. But if your going to hide behind your porn because it's easier, then I don't really know what to tell you. QUOTE]I'm not afraid of women or afraid of ''intimacy''. I'm not so sure you aren't. You might not be afraid of sex and sexual fun with women. But I'm not so sure you really want to know what it takes to care about a woman on a level seperate from sex. About that. Young men incapable of having an erection. I talked to a friend of mine who was more into women than into porn. He had a pregnancy scare. Condom leaked. pill didn't work. Now the guy can't get an erection with a real woman - those 18 years old bills to pay sure do cure a man from ''sexual addiction'', LOL! Many men want kids. That's fine that you don't. Better for you to know that you don't want kids and that you can't be afather to them without seeing dollar signs in your eyes. But enough men want kids that it doesn't make them go limp.
carhill Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Like a crack addict always figures out a way to get their crack, a sex addict always figures out a way to get their sex, and an emotional vampire always figures out a way to get their validation. These people can be amongst the most charming and superficially attractive extent. Why wouldn't they be? After all, honey attracts more bees than vinegar. Nearly everyone learns that at a very young age, literally from smiling at mommy and daddy as they're being bounced on the knee as an infant. The more society chooses to value the superficial and me and now, the more such potentials as sex addiction will grow. Everyone has a choice. We don't have to listen to society and media or follow our peer group. There is power in independent thinking, though perhaps not always popularity. Social acceptance can be a strong motivator and bender of will.
carhill Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Oh, saw a typo... I meant to type 'extant' rather than 'extent'. Brain fart. These people can be amongst the most charming and superficially attractive extant.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 What I find most confusing is when virgins who like porn are considered "sex addicts." Umm, if I was a sex addict, wouldn't I actually be having sex? It makes no kind of sense to me....
carhill Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Sex can mean any sexual activity, with masturbation being amongst them. Virgins often masturbate, I've been told
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