CodenameD Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 What follows is a fairly long background story of what happened so far. So please be patient and read through before answering. I have no one else to listen to me or help me so I'm posting it here. Can any of you help? We the happy couple: I've been with my girlfriend over 7 months now and we've been going great so far. We have our own jobs: I'm a web developer and she is a teacher. So we don't work nearby. She lives half an hour away from my home by train so we are pretty far and only used to meet on Sundays or holidays. I'm soon to be 21 and she is 6 months ahead of me in age. We don't mind that because we love each other a lot. And I have sorta an obsession over her (not in the creepiest sense). The backstory: She came to visit me last Sunday (she picks my place to meet cuz we can be more intimate there) and she really stayed too long since we were watching a movie togather. It was really late for her to get back home and had some conflict with her parents about that. Now where I come from: traditional families frown upon relationship before marriage thing. I know their dated personality sucks but she was handling it all too well and assured me her parents could never fix a marriage without her consent, giving me enough time to get a better job so we can finally live together. That gave me some relief. Things horribly went wrong when last monday she called me late at night crying and saying its best to probably stop communicating for a while, for her sake. She never explained anything right then but it did not stop me from staying awake most of the night in anxiety. I worry a lot about her since I can't be with her all the time. For the next few days she could barely call me anymore. One day all she did all day was just text me once! I was told her parents are securing her inside her home tightly. They never let her out without escort of her dad. And that she is practically banned from using her cellphone to contact any of her friends. They never saw me as her boyfriend I guess and so I was naturally included in that list. She had to go to her job without a cellphones! She never told me what really went wrong clearly so I assumed her parents were pissed off over that Sunday event. It turned out to be much much worse! Her Story: She finally recovered from her shocked state of crying and despair a little and was talking better than before. But to my horrors she finally revealed her story: She had an extremely short lasting relationship with a guy 5 year younger to herself a year back which ended prematurely. Like I said, society here frown if something 'odd' happens (like an older girl dating younger men). And 5 year was just too much to believe for parents here. The guys parents figured that out and insulted her, accused her of luring and taking over their son who I'm assuming was 14 or 15 at that time. The guys parents beat him for doing something like that but the guy revolted by attempting to cut on his wrist with a blade or something. Things went out of control and she sacrificed her feelings for him by leaving him. She was badly hurt inside and shaken after that. Her parents did not know about that back then... The Case: Now as it happened, very recently she accidentally saw that guy on the streets. Since that happened she went into a mentally unstable state as she defined as 'feeling sad to see his face again'. She began acting strangely and even tried to cut herself (stealing blades from my own room). She also became rude to her parents. Her parents found this out. On the top of her whatever little restrictions she had, her parents did what I said earlier in this post: banned her from contacting anyone else ever. She also claimed to have phoned her ex's mom (in that unstable state) who abused her on the line as well, causing her to cry all day and screw up in her exams. It was remarkable how she hid this all from me (even though I felt something bad was going on). Her reasons to hide was she did not want me to leave her after she'd tell me. Present Situation: She still loves me and vowed to wait for me till I marry her, even in that state of mind. She seems to have leftover feelings for him too which caused her to go nuts like that. She is a very sensitive and emotional girl. What hurts me is that she was crying for someone else and I couldn't do anything to help her. Even be by her side (her family is not gonna permit that until the situation cools down). To make matters worse she just called me today and said her ex's parents have a filed a case against her with charges of attempt to kidnap their son. It's an absurd claim as I know her very well. She and her father was supposed to visit a lawyer today but dunno what happened cuz she never contacted me since. Last she said she was strong and her family is fully supporting her through this crisis. My State: I currently have insomnia, lack of appetite and is anxious about what might happen next. The thought about what she is going through is terrifying me. I'm praying to some random Gods wishing she will be alright. And I'm very very worried. I just want this to be over. I want things to get back to the way it was. I have no one else to share this with so I post here. Any advices of how to continue on from here is welcomed and appreciated. Thank you for reading through all of that. And please do not say things like break up with her and all. We still love each other a lot. I'm just lost in the wake of recent events and clueless to what might happen next or what should I do. That's all I ask here.
Professor X Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 Your GF is a nutcase. Falling in love with a 15yo boy and all while she's 20yo herself. What you should do? Break up with her. Ye, you didn't wanna hear it, but it's what you need to do. If you can't bring yourself about to do it, than the next best thing you can do is prepare yourself mentally for a life full of drama of this sort; i.e. her going crazy, wanting to cut herself, extreme emotions erupting randomly, etc etc... She needs therapy to say the least, maybe you need too.
KathyM Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 What follows is a fairly long background story of what happened so far. So please be patient and read through before answering. I have no one else to listen to me or help me so I'm posting it here. Can any of you help? We the happy couple: I've been with my girlfriend over 7 months now and we've been going great so far. We have our own jobs: I'm a web developer and she is a teacher. So we don't work nearby. She lives half an hour away from my home by train so we are pretty far and only used to meet on Sundays or holidays. I'm soon to be 21 and she is 6 months ahead of me in age. We don't mind that because we love each other a lot. And I have sorta an obsession over her (not in the creepiest sense). The backstory: She came to visit me last Sunday (she picks my place to meet cuz we can be more intimate there) and she really stayed too long since we were watching a movie togather. It was really late for her to get back home and had some conflict with her parents about that. Now where I come from: traditional families frown upon relationship before marriage thing. I know their dated personality sucks but she was handling it all too well and assured me her parents could never fix a marriage without her consent, giving me enough time to get a better job so we can finally live together. That gave me some relief. Things horribly went wrong when last monday she called me late at night crying and saying its best to probably stop communicating for a while, for her sake. She never explained anything right then but it did not stop me from staying awake most of the night in anxiety. I worry a lot about her since I can't be with her all the time. For the next few days she could barely call me anymore. One day all she did all day was just text me once! I was told her parents are securing her inside her home tightly. They never let her out without escort of her dad. And that she is practically banned from using her cellphone to contact any of her friends. They never saw me as her boyfriend I guess and so I was naturally included in that list. She had to go to her job without a cellphones! She never told me what really went wrong clearly so I assumed her parents were pissed off over that Sunday event. It turned out to be much much worse! Her Story: She finally recovered from her shocked state of crying and despair a little and was talking better than before. But to my horrors she finally revealed her story: She had an extremely short lasting relationship with a guy 5 year younger to herself a year back which ended prematurely. Like I said, society here frown if something 'odd' happens (like an older girl dating younger men). And 5 year was just too much to believe for parents here. The guys parents figured that out and insulted her, accused her of luring and taking over their son who I'm assuming was 14 or 15 at that time. The guys parents beat him for doing something like that but the guy revolted by attempting to cut on his wrist with a blade or something. Things went out of control and she sacrificed her feelings for him by leaving him. She was badly hurt inside and shaken after that. Her parents did not know about that back then... The Case: Now as it happened, very recently she accidentally saw that guy on the streets. Since that happened she went into a mentally unstable state as she defined as 'feeling sad to see his face again'. She began acting strangely and even tried to cut herself (stealing blades from my own room). She also became rude to her parents. Her parents found this out. On the top of her whatever little restrictions she had, her parents did what I said earlier in this post: banned her from contacting anyone else ever. She also claimed to have phoned her ex's mom (in that unstable state) who abused her on the line as well, causing her to cry all day and screw up in her exams. It was remarkable how she hid this all from me (even though I felt something bad was going on). Her reasons to hide was she did not want me to leave her after she'd tell me. Present Situation: She still loves me and vowed to wait for me till I marry her, even in that state of mind. She seems to have leftover feelings for him too which caused her to go nuts like that. She is a very sensitive and emotional girl. What hurts me is that she was crying for someone else and I couldn't do anything to help her. Even be by her side (her family is not gonna permit that until the situation cools down). To make matters worse she just called me today and said her ex's parents have a filed a case against her with charges of attempt to kidnap their son. It's an absurd claim as I know her very well. She and her father was supposed to visit a lawyer today but dunno what happened cuz she never contacted me since. Last she said she was strong and her family is fully supporting her through this crisis. My State: I currently have insomnia, lack of appetite and is anxious about what might happen next. The thought about what she is going through is terrifying me. I'm praying to some random Gods wishing she will be alright. And I'm very very worried. I just want this to be over. I want things to get back to the way it was. I have no one else to share this with so I post here. Any advices of how to continue on from here is welcomed and appreciated. Thank you for reading through all of that. And please do not say things like break up with her and all. We still love each other a lot. I'm just lost in the wake of recent events and clueless to what might happen next or what should I do. That's all I ask here. You may not like what I have to say but I'm going to say it anyway, since I want to give you honest perspective from an impartial person. I realize you love this girl, but you owe it to yourself to look at this with respect to what is in your best interests. And look at it in terms of the long term consequences for you. Your girlfriend is an unstable woman. She had an inappropriate relationship with a much younger teenage kid. When she was an adult of 19, he was a kid of 14, not even in high school yet. There is something seriously wrong with that. Your girlfriend is emotionally and mentally unbalanced to be doing something like that. She even still seems to be in love with this kid, since she would try to cut her wrists over him and is now involved in a lawsuit against her because of her inappropriate behavior. Do you really think it's in your best interests to have this woman in your life? She is in love with this kid. Maybe she has love for you too, but she is seriously screwed up. She's mentally ill. Do you really want to take on a wife with those kinds of emotional and mental issues--especially one who is still in love with this 16 year old kid? She needs serious psychological help, and you need to establish a healthy life for yourself. If you continue to be with her, you will never have peace. I know you do love her, but if you think about this with your common sense and not your heart, you must realize this situation is toxic for you. Don't screw up your life. Once you marry this girl, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of emotional havoc. Don't you want something better for yourself? For your own good, and for hers, drop her and stop contacting her. Allow her parents to try to get her on track and allow them to help her get her life straightened out. She will not make a good wife. She is emotionally unstable. Think of your future children if you do marry her. They deserve a mature, emotionally healthy mother who can take care of them. This woman is not able to be that.
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