watermelonjuice Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 I'm not comfortable sharing photos with people I don't know. But I know that at some point in online dating I have to allow others to see what I look like so we don't waste each others' time. My question is what kind of photos would you, more particularly guys since I'm a girl, like to be sent? Please don't say sexy or nude photos. I'm contemplating not-so-close shots that still show my face. Would that fly? I don't really want to disappoint in person since I sometimes look better in photos even though my friends think I look the same. Also, are photos showing hair better or wrapped up in ski hats?
thatone Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 i think you're looking too much into it. for me, i only wanted to see a recent photo to make sure i wasn't talking to a transvestite or someone who was 400 pounds. use whatever photos you have that are accurate. you can't gather enough from photos to make a decision about someone, you have to see them in person.
carhill Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 If I reviewed my responses to OLD ads over the past 15 years, I'd say a that, predominantly, I respond positively to an ad with an expressive head shot and 3/4 to full body shot which matches up well to the ad text provided. The combination of the pictures and text give a strong clue as to the person's personality and how they 'come across'. I'll use an example of a picture sent long ago, back when OLD was young. I traveled a good distance to meet the lady and was not disappointed. The picture reflected her gentle nature as well as devotion to her family. The smile wasn't faked for the camera and was generally how she was. I would strongly suggest using a modest and candid photograph in your original ad. You'll get responses regardless, but you will miss out on some respondents, myself being one of them. Why? I'm selective and like to view the entirety of who the person is, as much as technology allows. I'm more likely to respond to a lady who offers candid information about herself and engages the viewer, both visually and through her writing. In a sea of responses, the dearth of mine might be inconsequential; it all depends on what kind of man you prefer. Good luck.
grkBoy Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 My thoughts: 1) Show a photo of just head and shoulders. Look the way you normally look, but nicely. So no hats unless you typically wear hats, same with glasses. Have your hair hang long...simply because it looks nice. 2) Show a full body shot. Just shot of you complete. You can pose and such, just use this image to give the other person the ideal of your size. We can play around all day on "shallow" or "not shallow", but too many with mass try to hide this in photos...when they should just come out and show it. Lord knows a guy or girl who hides that they're a hippo is only going to face the hard truth when the first date happens. 3) Show any other photos that flatter you. I personally have no issue with it, but I know others freak out when they see a person holding a drink or anything. Silly IMHO. Don't have any shots with guys...because insecure people get scared.
FitChick Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 For both sexes you need a current head shot. For men, no hats because women assume you are bald. A current full length shot wearing clothes that fit you well. They don't have to be skin tight. Wearing baggy clothes leads people to think you are hiding rolls of flab (which you are). No backlit photos with your face and body in shadow. Always face the sun or your light source. You'd think this would be common sense. As for "I'm too embarrassed to ask a friend to take my picture. I don't want him/her to know I'm doing online dating." Go to a tourist or beauty spot and ask a stranger. You can pretend you are a tourist. They will probably ask you to return the favor. Take lots of photos and then pick the few good ones. It's not rocket science, people!
Casablanca Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 My thoughts: 1) Show a photo of just head and shoulders. Look the way you normally look, but nicely. So no hats unless you typically wear hats, same with glasses. Have your hair hang long...simply because it looks nice. 2) Show a full body shot. Just shot of you complete. You can pose and such, just use this image to give the other person the ideal of your size. We can play around all day on "shallow" or "not shallow", but too many with mass try to hide this in photos...when they should just come out and show it. Lord knows a guy or girl who hides that they're a hippo is only going to face the hard truth when the first date happens. 3) Show any other photos that flatter you. I personally have no issue with it, but I know others freak out when they see a person holding a drink or anything. Silly IMHO. Don't have any shots with guys...because insecure people get scared. This works for me too
Author watermelonjuice Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 I was actually contemplating posting a photo of me skiing, therefore with a ski hat. So that's voted no?
carhill Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Something like this would be fine as an action shot, but typically winter skiing has people bulked up with winter clothing, wearing a ski hat and sunglasses and gives little to guide the viewer in setting the person out from the crowd. It's not real 'personal', though entirely appropriate to show one's interests adjunct to other pictures.
oaks Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Photos that aren't blurry are always a good start. Preferably taken outside in daylight by someone else (or at least, the camera should be further away than the length of your arm). I keep seeing fuzzy, poorly lit photos taken either by a webcam or in front of a mirror (typically with the toilet in the background - classy!). Half the time I assume the out-of-focus pics are deliberate to hide the wrinkles, and the other half the time I assume the person was just too lazy to have a decent picture taken. Nothing wrong with a skiing photo or other action/sport photo, so long as that isn't the only photo. It illustrates that you like sports or that you're active and adventurous (which will be attractive to some, and will put off others).
Author watermelonjuice Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 Something like this would be fine as an action shot, but typically winter skiing has people bulked up with winter clothing, wearing a ski hat and sunglasses and gives little to guide the viewer in setting the person out from the crowd. It's not real 'personal', though entirely appropriate to show one's interests adjunct to other pictures. I was bulked up but since I'm a size 2, I don't look that big. I only have a ski hat, no sunglasses. I'm rummaging to see if I have any other doable photos.
oaks Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I'm rummaging to see if I have any other doable photos. If you can't find one within an hour, just take your camera to the park and ask someone to take a few photos of you.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 If you prefer not to have photos on OLD, that is an acceptable choice. When I was doing OLD, I pulled mine because I got tired of sifting through reams of useless emails... I also am very firm about wanting a man who is not looks obsessed or even pre-occupied. Although, I agree with carhill's post about pictures giving someone a sense of one's personality. I'm probably in the minority in feeling that doesn't HAVE to be displayed for the general public. The tradeoff is that you will need to be the initiator since alot of men have a general 'rule' about not reaching out to women without pictures. Understandable, but I also think they need to relax a little. Not everyone is doing it because they have something to hide. I certainly do agree to send pictures within an email or two. If the guy responded to my email and seems nice enough, I'd send photos in the very next email... To your question... It is good advice to show yourself in a variety of settings. I usually send at least three. Close up (with or without makeup), a full body shot in something that fits (but not tacky or revealing), and maybe something showing me doing something I 'advertised' in my profile. Some with family. This was very effective. I met some nice men that way. MUCH better than my other way when I posted pictures.... It allowed me to focus on one man at a time too. Ultimately, I decided OLD isn't for me. I'm not a fan of multi-dating and the 'culture' of OLD doesn't suit me. If I ever did do it again, I'd do it exactly the way I described. No pictures for the general public. Be the initiator. Show pics to people I like. Meet men one at a time, then only go for the next one after eliminating him as a potential.
Author watermelonjuice Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 If you prefer not to have photos on OLD, that is an acceptable choice. When I was doing OLD, I pulled mine because I got tired of sifting through reams of useless emails... I also am very firm about wanting a man who is not looks obsessed or even pre-occupied. Although, I agree with carhill's post about pictures giving someone a sense of one's personality. I'm probably in the minority in feeling that doesn't HAVE to be displayed for the general public. The tradeoff is that you will need to be the initiator since alot of men have a general 'rule' about not reaching out to women without pictures. Understandable, but I also think they need to relax a little. Not everyone is doing it because they have something to hide. I certainly do agree to send pictures within an email or two. If the guy responded to my email and seems nice enough, I'd send photos in the very next email... To your question... It is good advice to show yourself in a variety of settings. I usually send at least three. Close up (with or without makeup), a full body shot in something that fits (but not tacky or revealing), and maybe something showing me doing something I 'advertised' in my profile. Some with family. This was very effective. I met some nice men that way. MUCH better than my other way when I posted pictures.... It allowed me to focus on one man at a time too. Ultimately, I decided OLD isn't for me. I'm not a fan of multi-dating and the 'culture' of OLD doesn't suit me. If I ever did do it again, I'd do it exactly the way I described. No pictures for the general public. Be the initiator. Show pics to people I like. Meet men one at a time, then only go for the next one after eliminating him as a potential. I guess I'm a little paranoid, wondering what they may do with my photos and what if they know me. Yup, I don't know why people always jump to the conclusion that those that don't post their photos have something to hide. I write to men with no photos as long as I like what I read about them. What do you mean by OLD?
carhill Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 OLD = on line dating IMO, if a woman chooses to not post pictures in her ad, her prose *must* be well thought-out and descriptive. In other words, she needs to draw a picture with her words; a picture of herself. Visual men will pass over the ad since it has no picture but men who see pictures through words can infer aspects of compatibility through her prose. Of course, there are some men who blanket answer any ad but those are easy to control for.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 FYI... I somewhat purposely send pics that don't show me quite as good as I look in real life. Not unflattering, but also not a 'glamour shot' or one that is such an outlier photo that I couldn't measure up. I have some very recent photos where I look at it and think DAMN!! I look good. Not sending those I'd prefer they be pleasantly surprised when they meet me rather than the other way around. Yes, I routinely got the comment... You are so much prettier in real life Then again, most of them were probably just trying to 'get some'. Still, when you hear that comment alot, then it is probably true. Maybe another reason I don't post pics. I don't consider myself particularly photogenic.
carhill Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I will add, in dozens of datapoints, and most LS'ers know how I write, no woman has ever responded to an ad I've placed where I didn't post a picture. The number of responses, in total, still remain on two hands. However, the majority of those datapoints were acquired between 1996 and 1999, so perhaps when OLD was in its infancy. One of the two women I dated since choosing to divorce did contact me, but that was with a picture ad and her first comment upon meeting was that I looked just like my pictures and that was a relief to her.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 OLD = on line dating IMO, if a woman chooses to not post pictures in her ad, her prose *must* be well thought-out and descriptive. In other words, she needs to draw a picture with her words; a picture of herself. Visual men will pass over the ad since it has no picture but men who see pictures through words can infer aspects of compatibility through her prose. Of course, there are some men who blanket answer any ad but those are easy to control for. Completely agree. On balance, if pictures aren't included, then alot more thought needs to be put into the profile. Even if someone has pictures, a well-written profile unfolds someone's personality without using alot of adjectives.
Mr Right 101 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Put a pic that you look hot in, but natural. Dont just put a head shot, because they probably think that you dont want to show your body, because your overweight and trying to hide it. And don't wear anything to revealing or sexy, becomes you dont want to come off slutty, they might think you are just after one thing. Put a full body shot, so they can get an idea of how tall you are n how ya dress and style and stuff. Show off your hair in one of the pics it will look more feminine and sexy. You sound more like a tom boy sorta girl and with the snow pic shows your personality so put that in too. Dont think of giving them what you think they want Just be you!
Author watermelonjuice Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 FYI... I somewhat purposely send pics that don't show me quite as good as I look in real life. Not unflattering, but also not a 'glamour shot' or one that is such an outlier photo that I couldn't measure up. I have some very recent photos where I look at it and think DAMN!! I look good. Not sending those I'd prefer they be pleasantly surprised when they meet me rather than the other way around. Yes, I routinely got the comment... You are so much prettier in real life Then again, most of them were probably just trying to 'get some'. Still, when you hear that comment alot, then it is probably true. Maybe another reason I don't post pics. I don't consider myself particularly photogenic. That's actually quite sensible. Though I think I look better in photos than in person even if my friends reassure me that it's not the case.
oaks Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I used to have a rule about not contacting women without photos, but I've learned that good photos aren't a guarantee of meeting a good looking woman anyway. My current rule is to only contact women where there's something attractive in her profile, which could be words. Haven't ever had a reply from a photoless woman, though, (and if they respond at the same rate as women with photos then I should have had a few replies by now) so I might not bother in future.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I used to have a rule about not contacting women without photos, but I've learned that good photos aren't a guarantee of meeting a good looking woman anyway. My current rule is to only contact women where there's something attractive in her profile, which could be words. Haven't ever had a reply from a photoless woman, though, (and if they respond at the same rate as women with photos then I should have had a few replies by now) so I might not bother in future. What if she were the initiator? Would you automatically assume she is refusing to post pics because she is hiding something or being dishonest? In my profile, I usually put some explanation... one of my reasons was because I teach a class or two at a local university and didn't want my male students surfing through my OkC questions/pictures. Could happen! When I had pics posted, I got emails from 19 yr olds and others much younger than me... some of them associates from RPI.
Disillusioned Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I'm not comfortable sharing photos with people I don't know. But I know that at some point in online dating I have to allow others to see what I look like so we don't waste each others' time. My question is what kind of photos would you, more particularly guys since I'm a girl, like to be sent? Please don't say sexy or nude photos. I'm contemplating not-so-close shots that still show my face. Would that fly? I don't really want to disappoint in person since I sometimes look better in photos even though my friends think I look the same. Also, are photos showing hair better or wrapped up in ski hats? I can tell you what kind of photos I don't want to see: 1. a woman leaning between a couple of her drunk friends in some nightclub (it seems like every other profile has them) 2. a woman making a goofy grin like a Barbie doll Why not just put on a nice party dress and tights, make a pretty little closed-mouth smile, hold a small bouquet of flowers, and take a full body shot like that? Dress like you would if a guy was going to treat you to a nice restaurant. At least I won't think you're a barfly or a ditz.
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