Explain your own rebound relationship

[katie.x]

I have been with out my ex for 3 months now, I still don't feel comfortable starting another relationship, nor have a I met someone I have interest in.

My ex though is with someone 2 months after we feel out of love, it has clear signs of a rebound, though possibly may not be, but I would like anyone that has had a rebound relationship to explain how theirs went down.

 

How soon you got with the person, how you felt for how long and when it changed, and so on.

I haven't had a rebound and having talked about them a lot recently I want to know more about them. So if anyone would feel free to share their personal story i'd appreciate it.

I'm not asking for opinions on rebounds, i'm asking for personal experiences.

[katie.x]

Katie,

 

Just read through the threads... there are many people here due to being on the receiving end of a rebound relationship. (Use the search tool)

 

As stupid as it sounds, I didn't actually think to use the search tool, thanks for that Homebrew.

And i don't mean the people on the receiving end, I mean the people rebounding.

[katie.x]

You will find those too... Many of your fellow dumpees will rebound. They post about it all the time.

 

Trust me, you will find the subject of rebounding has been discussed and beat to death by both sides.

 

Cheers Homebrew. I'm looking around.

I've also emailed you if you didn't already know.

[mike588]

I met a woman who was 5 months out of a relationship, we dated for 10 months and things were great, she told me she was so happy and that she loved me. I fell in love with her. Last month she left me to go back to her ex boyfriend, she was still in love with him.

Now I'm left picking up the pieces.It really hurts, I feel used, betrayed.

Edited September 4, 2011 by mike588

[PositiveNegative]

I met a woman who was 5 months out of a relationship, we dated for 10 months and things were great, she told me she was so happy and that she loved me. I fell in love with her. Last month she left me to go back to her ex boyfriend, she was still in love with him.

Now I'm left picking up the pieces.It really hurts, I feel used, betrayed.

 

 

Oh man I'm so sorry. I'm a recent dumpee. I'm so terrified of trying to start a new relationship because I don't want to start dating someone and have my ex suddenly want me again, I would choose her no doubt... and like the OP said I don't know how I could even prepare myself to start a new one anytime soon since I doubt I will meet someone with as much common interests as my ex and I had...

[M2155]

It's tough. I would be lying if I said I can't wait to get involved with someone new! I don't want to make them the rebound-guy (as I somewhat feel like I was a rebound for my ex), but my intention isn't to find someone to help mask the pain I have for my ex, my intention is to start dating when I find someone who excites me and gives me butterflies again. I think that's a big difference.

 

I have been dealing with my emotional issues for a few weeks and yes I would need time before anything serious. But I think if it is genuine and you are upfront that you may need to work through some baggage because you don't want to bring it into something new, I think taking it slow is fine. If you have not truly come to peace with your past relationship, it would be more difficult and you need more time.

[mike588]

Yes, I feel the same way. I had 2 dates but all I saw was my ex. Just could'nt get into it. Even though it's hard waiting it's the right thing to do.

I never want to go thur this hurt ever again.

What really stings is all the,, I love yous,I'm so happy with you, Your the best to come along in my life etc etc. I know she did love me but loved her ex more. OUCH

Edited September 4, 2011 by mike588

[M2155]

Mine went back with his ex after almost 2 years. You can't compete with that history. Just let it play out and find someone that makes you forget her- that does happen, it happened to me once. When she comes back you probably won't want her anymore because of the reasons you just said. You will always wonder- at least that's what everyone tells me:cool:

[GinaM]

be prepared to wait for 6 month-1 year before to start new relationships

[mike588]

When you said, when she comes back.In your experiences do they?? Especially when they knew they were treated well, were truely loved etc.

The 1st week I would of taken her back but now no, to much damage done. Iv'e never had anyone leave me for an ex. and just want to know what to possibly expect.

Kinda want her to come back just so I can say,, NO WAY!!

[M2155]

I don't know yet but I feel the same way you do. I've talked with some of my friends and in their experience (long serious relationships we are talking) they always come back (the men anyway) a year or so later. They guy leaves them for the things that they thought they were missing, but when they jumped back with their person of comfort, whatever didn't work the first time came back to haunt them. Their ex has the upper hand in the beginning because your ex probably is more open about what's lacking in their relationship with you, but eventually the real person settles in.

 

But sometimes exes get back together and live happily ever after so there is no sure thing.

[GinaM]

.

 

But sometimes exes get back together and live happily ever after so there is no sure thing.

 

When I was 20 I had a bf he was 30 at that time

He dumped me because someone of his friend told something bad about me which was not true

My ex was jealous and broke with me

I accepted it and get busy with my University stuff.

Once he sent me our pictures from Spain. I did not reply. The other day he call me we talk but not too long...

It took ONE month from him to came to my house and ask me to date him again. So we started again

After 6 months we broke again but this time because of my initiative

[mike588]

I'm alittle confused when you said person of comfort (the guy shes with now) explain alittle. There was 'comfort" during our time together. We were friends 25 years ago then reconnected, lots of "comfort"

I'm hoping there will enough guilt on her side where she won't try.

Edited September 4, 2011 by mike588

[M2155]

Comfort= your ex went back to their ex because it was comfortable and familiar. More comfortable than being alone and looking for someone new. They can fastforward because they have history. Or there was something about them that your ex really missed that they know they got with the other person. Not neccessarily that it's enough for a relationship to stand on but we don't know all the details of their relationship.

 

You have to let it go though, we can't predict the future. If they got back together it's going to be a while for the relationship to run it's course and see if they will last or fall apart.

[mike588]

Yea she did say several times,, there was just something about him. I don't really know what to do now.Wait to date and get over her, if I wait (not for her) and she does come back then I wont have anyone to forget her/be happy with.

If I date to early then I could be setting myself for trouble?

Advise?

Oh one last thing, could she possibly be comparing him to me now since I was in her life for 10 months after their 2nd breakup and now their back together??

Iv'e already changed my phone # and am gonna block any Facebook contacts.

 

Ok thats all, Thanks for your help and advise.

Edited September 5, 2011 by mike588

[katie.x]

Yes, I feel the same way. I had 2 dates but all I saw was my ex. Just could'nt get into it. Even though it's hard waiting it's the right thing to do.

I never want to go thur this hurt ever again.

What really stings is all the,, I love yous,I'm so happy with you, Your the best to come along in my life etc etc. I know she did love me but loved her ex more. OUCH

 

I read somewhere that people whom could possibly be on the rebound usually try to overcompensate, trying to prove to themselves and the rebound that they can love again, they are able to make a relationship work.

Clear signs are the comments "you are to best thing to ever happen to me", like they need to prove their ex means nothing, that their ex is nothing - but hey if you need to prove something like that it means you're thinking about it and it is an issue on some level.

I always think that you get into a relationship with someone that compliments you, not completes you. If you need someone to make you whole then how could you possible be able to love them, you don't have love for yourself.

[katie.x]

When you said, when she comes back.In your experiences do they?? Especially when they knew they were treated well, were truely loved etc.

The 1st week I would of taken her back but now no, to much damage done. Iv'e never had anyone leave me for an ex. and just want to know what to possibly expect.

Kinda want her to come back just so I can say,, NO WAY!!

 

Do you mean that you were the rebound and you're asking if your ex will come back to you, though you were left for the ex?

I haven't thought or read about a rebounder going back to a rebound after leaving said rebound for their ex. The rebound is the bandaid, not the keeper unfortunately, well in the majority of cases. The ex goes back to their ex after a rebound or find someone new, I don't think ex's return to a rebound if that's what you're asking.

[sleepykitten]

When I left my ex husband I rebounded (2 mths later, well 3 weeks after i told him I didnt think it would work out i had already moved out a couple of mths before) with the guy who I am on here about, he left me in May, it was mainly because i was constantly unhappy, missing my ex husband hadnt dealt with my issues at all and when this now ex came along I got totally swept up in the "high" of the romance and passion and he totally validated me as he seemed to be totally in love with me. I had no self worth or true confidence of my own. I knew when we met that this would happen as i knew really i needed to take the time after my first split to deal with things properly. 2 yrs later i found myself heartbroken over someone deep down i know wasnt good enough for me but I allowed it to happen becasue i was too afraid to be alone and face deep seated issues that drove me to behave and act in certain ways. I truely believe anyone who rebounds be it days weeks whatever will eventually have a huge wake up call. I know i did but it was the best thing for me as I had to find the strength to pick myself up and work on fixing me and not relying on someone elses "love" to make me feel whole.

[M2155]

SleepyKitten's story pretty much sounds like me except my ex left me (the rebound) for what you were looking for when you rebounded. And I imagine there was a little bit of deep down like you said he knew I was too good or he wasn't ready for a relationship with me. I only wish it didn't take him 2 years to come to this conclusion.

 

I never thought of myself as the "rebound" until learning that I was the girl between his ex and going back to his ex, even though I had no clue and saw no signs of this, not to mention I believe we did start out with visions of long-term potential, so I guess I was! Anyway, seeing that he is so suddenly seriously back with his ex so fast I assume he went back for this:

totally swept up in the "high" of the romance and passion and he totally validated [him] as he seemed to be totally in love with [him].

That's what he missed. But really I think once things don't work out with her, he's not trying to come back to me either so I'm just trying to get over it. I didn't put me first and maybe that means I had some growing to do. Plus because of next point I don't trust him.

 

Like the other said, mine too was already with the new person before he left so it was easy for them to do it so fast. I couldn't live with the guilt of treating someone that way but in the end I guess it works out for the best.

Edited September 5, 2011 by M2155

[silly_panda]

I read somewhere that people whom could possibly be on the rebound usually try to overcompensate, trying to prove to themselves and the rebound that they can love again, they are able to make a relationship work.

Clear signs are the comments "you are to best thing to ever happen to me", like they need to prove their ex means nothing, that their ex is nothing - but hey if you need to prove something like that it means you're thinking about it and it is an issue on some level.

I always think that you get into a relationship with someone that compliments you, not completes you. If you need someone to make you whole then how could you possible be able to love them, you don't have love for yourself.

 

 

Kinda agree with this... My ex wrote me an email and also telling her best friend how happy she was in her new relationship (she knew this guy 3days before we broke up and got together 3days after we broke up)... She said she never felt so happy in her life... She was glad that she get into this relationship with this new guy... The feelings is so rite... Etc... Kinda feel like she is trying to convince herself more that she is happy...

[M2155]

I also sort of want that to be true. I think love takes time. My ex's ex whom he is with now is seriously pouring on the lovey-dovey and I wonder how much of that is genuine versus trying to validate. We've only been broken up about a month, so over a couple of months?

 

But then some people live happily ever after with someone they've known for only a few weeks. Hard to know. People keep telling me though it will not work out!

[proteinshake25]

I dumped my ex, and she started dating/sleeping with someone about 4 weeks in. 8 weeks in, and she had been seeing a different guy, told me that she'd hate me forever, if I ruined it. She's moved in with the guy,it's been about 6 months since they've been together. So quick rebounds can last.

[M2155]

Rebounds can definitely last. But check back in 1-2 years. Everyone seems to have a "you don't believe it now but it won't work out" story.

 

Not to get anyone's hopes up. I'm not getting mine up

[mike588]

Hey M2125,

Thanks so much fro your advise over the couple of days, it's really helped.I'm the guy suffering from my now ex g/f going back to her ex b/f.

 

Todays been the best day so far in the 5 weeks when she broke my heart,, it still hurts of course but I'm getting better.

 

I still do want her to try to come back but I will get some satisfaction by saying NO. That will justify the hell Iv'e gone thru.

Edited September 6, 2011 by mike588

[katie.x]

When I left my ex husband I rebounded (2 mths later, well 3 weeks after i told him I didnt think it would work out i had already moved out a couple of mths before) with the guy who I am on here about, he left me in May, it was mainly because i was constantly unhappy, missing my ex husband hadnt dealt with my issues at all

 

So how long were you with the rebound guy, and where do you and your ex husband stand now, as well as your love life?

 

and when this now ex came along I got totally swept up in the "high" of the romance and passion and he totally validated me as he seemed to be totally in love with me. I had no self worth or true confidence of my own.

 

Did you feel you loved the rebound back at all? Did he console you with the issues of your previous relationship or just avoid talking about them?

 

I knew when we met that this would happen as i knew really i needed to take the time after my first split to deal with things properly. 2 yrs later i found myself heartbroken over someone deep down i know wasnt good enough for me but I allowed it to happen becasue i was too afraid to be alone and face deep seated issues that drove me to behave and act in certain ways.

 

When you say you knew when you met that 'this' would happen, did you still feel happy and attracted to this guy and tried to cover knowing you were rebounding with these emotions?

 

I truely believe anyone who rebounds be it days weeks whatever will eventually have a huge wake up call. I know i did but it was the best thing for me as I had to find the strength to pick myself up and work on fixing me and not relying on someone elses "love" to make me feel whole.

 

It's good to hear you know that you have self worth without having to be in a relationship. I had such a hard time thinking I was worth anything after my ex but now i'm thinking straighter.