gbadboy Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 My ex is having issues with his family so he's been staying at one of my best friends place for a few weeks now. He is having a lot of family issues so that's why he's there. It might continue onwards for a good period of time. My ex and I are not on speaking terms at the moment because we broke up in Feb but had this weird "friendship/relationship" weird thing going on. In July he asked me back out but I declined only because at the time we were in the midst of an argument over his ex bf who he was dancing up with at a club on his birthday night (i was invited to the birthday too and I thought it was disrespectful). After I declined, he was very very very upset and a week later I called him back as I realized I made a mistake but he was too hurt and angry - he said he followed his heart and asked me out again and I refused and therefore he now has to protect his feelings and he's done- hence anger built up in him from July until now.... It doesn't bother me that he's staying at my friends place as my ex really doesn't have any true friends to bond with aside from my friends he met during our relationship. And him and my friend get a long real well. But...I suppose the fact that we weren't on speaking terms does bug me as I suppose im a bit jealous. Last night I ended up at my friends place and saw my ex........after 2 months of basically having no contact (aside from sporadic arguments here and there and bumping into him 4 times at social events as we are in the same social circle)....... and for the first time, we had a good conversation. It began with some arguing but honestly I was shocked, it was very peaceful cordial arguing with no yelling at all! When I told him I loved him he said he felt I didnt love him and that I instead only love certain "aspects" about him (i.e. the fact that he's cool with my family and friends, the fact that we have the same upbringing etc.) I told him he was wrong..I love him as he is - period. But I think the biggest breakthrough made was when I APOLOGIZED and admitted my wrong. ******And that is my advice to most ppl on here. If you truly love someone, then sacrafice your pride even if you know you're right -because Love is more important than pride. Yea, it might shoot your ego down but it will make your lover/ex lover happy. And what's wrong with that? Anyway, after I began to apologize (and in my case I DID mean the apology) we started making a lot of headway. In fact, he started to make fun of me with jokes - play kicking me, making fun of my hair style etc. cute stuff. He told me he thinks I need to get some help and work on myself and that one day we could be friends - but the time to be friends isn't right now because he's afraid he'll get sucked back in and get hurt. I respect that completely. He said he's still upset at me but I could tell my apologizes were making a lot of breakthrough because for the first time in 2 months we were joking around with each other. From our interactions alone, I can tell the love is still there - but its buried under hurt. He asked me to stay over at my friends place so that we could help my friends roomate/xbf pack as he was moving to a new apartment. While I was tempted like HELL to stay over, I didn't only b/c it would have been awkward. So we hugged good bye and I basically broke down [warning - sad part!] This was the first time in like 2 months we truly and properly hugged and it was a genuine fully embraced hug that meant so much to me. He kept asking me if I'm ok and he called me "puppy dog!" which was so adorable..[MUSHY part].........it was an amazing feeling and while I was crying, he held my face and wiped the tears from my eyes. I told him that I love him and this time his reply was, "I know". At that point I left. I won't life, at the end of the day I want more than ever to reconcile with him, but I know that time is not now and that I need to become that person he first met before he could even consider - PROVIDED he would even consider me in the future......its unsure. Friendship is definately in the cards in the future and while I can't see my life without him - I wonder if I could be able to handle a friendship with him in my future. Anyone been in a situation like this? Thoughts?
Nohbody Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 Sounds very complicated. Unfortunately, you have to let him make the next move in regard to reconciliation. Focus on yourself and making yourself happy. Make sure he is missing out on some good stuff. Same old advice, but it's good advice.
Author gbadboy Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 Thanks very much - you are right , I need to focus on myself and improve that first.
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