aquaon Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 My boyfriend and I dated a month before I found out he was doing things behind my back. It was the two days after our first kiss, and I broke up with him in the beginning of June. He told me "I'll try to stop my problem by the end of summer...Im not saying I can but I'll try. Would you consider going out with me again if I can stop?" I said yes. After a couple weeks my friend (his best friend) asked him if he was going to go out with me again. He said he wasnt going to. But during the summer he texted me a little, and he communicated with me on facebook a bit. I saw him a couple times during youth group and he always came up to me and started a convo. Then school started.....We talk and are friends so everything is cool and not awkward. Then he started to text me a little and even offered to help me with a friend problem. So we spent our lunch period together. He throws stuff at me during class and stares at me too. When we talk he uses my name alot and he still comunicates with me on facebook. But now he's kinda ignoring me. He's very off and on about it. Do you think he likes me?
silly_panda Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 Did he fix his problem..? If he ignores you, ignore him back... Don't go chasing after him... This will give him the power over you... If he really likes you, he will come chasing you... Not the other way around... "I'll try to stop my problem by the end of summer...Im not saying I can but I'll try. If I really love my girlfriend, i will not TRY to fix my problem... I will make sure I DO fix my problem... If the problem is fixable and it's in my control, why would I TRY..? I will just change and become a better me for the girl that I love... Remember... Don't go chasing after him... Let him come to you... If he doesn't, then you know how much he actually 'like' you...
Author aquaon Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 Thanks for the advice guys! He invited me to a movie with him and his guy friend so maybe I do have a chance haha but thanks for your advice!
DenumChkn Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 So basically he broke every rule of NC and chased after you after YOU dumped him and you want to take him back now? I'm lost, this whole situation runs contrary to my understanding of 'how to get her back'. Also, silly panda, isn't the dumper SUPPOSED to be the one who chases the other person if they want to get back together? They are after all the ones who effectively told the other person to Eff Off. I'm lost now..
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 So basically he broke every rule of NC and chased after you after YOU dumped him and you want to take him back now? I'm lost, this whole situation runs contrary to my understanding of 'how to get her back'. Also, silly panda, isn't the dumper SUPPOSED to be the one who chases the other person if they want to get back together? They are after all the ones who effectively told the other person to Eff Off. I'm lost now.. NC is geared more towards relationships that have passed the honeymoon phase of a relationship. Her relationship was very short so she would have the opposite approach which is initiating contact and teasing (push pull method). With a long relationship you use the same fundamental steps, there's just a certain period of NC before you hit those fundamentals. If you were to NC a partner from a short term relationship there is a very good chance that they will forget you, because there wasn't enough time for a stable foundation of you to set in. With a short term relationship like this, just remember the honeymoon phase of a relationship and think about all that time you want to spend with that special someone. Whereas, with a long relationship it is more likely for the dumper to not want anything to do with the dumpee and that is why NC works in this sense (there is a foundation set in place, they will miss you). My boyfriend and I dated a month before I found out he was doing things behind my back. It was the two days after our first kiss, and I broke up with him in the beginning of June.
silly_panda Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 So basically he broke every rule of NC and chased after you after YOU dumped him and you want to take him back now? I'm lost, this whole situation runs contrary to my understanding of 'how to get her back'. Also, silly panda, isn't the dumper SUPPOSED to be the one who chases the other person if they want to get back together? They are after all the ones who effectively told the other person to Eff Off. I'm lost now.. Hey DenumChkn... Everything really depend on how the break up occur... In this case, the dumpee actually is the one at fault... The dumper (OP) got disappointed so she dumps the guy... I wouldn't say there is totally no fault on the dumper's side but the bigger problem comes from the dumpee... Something that the dumpee did caused the dumper to loss trust, interest, etc... I had seen some of this case of break up... And they actually got back together after the dumpee proof to the dumper that they had made changes and improvement... And they gained the dumper's trust again (provided the dumper still has strong feelings for them)... And all of the cases that I see is that the dumper remained single throughout the process and was actually giving the dumpee a chance to proof themselves... My break up is in the same category too... I took my ex for granted, she had enough, she dumps me... The difference is that she got into a realtionship with someone else within a week after our break up... So proving myself to her at this point will not be that effective (maybe she don't even care if I change or not)... But I'm changing and improving myself because I wanna and it's all for my own good and not for her at this point... So for my case, the best thing for me is go NC and let myself heal and move on... I hope this helps... It's not always the dumper has to be the one coming back begging... It depends on what caused the break up...
Author aquaon Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 Sorry everyone, Im new to this so I dont know how to quote but Silly panda I forgot to anwser your question..... I dont know if he's stopped.. I havent asked him yet. Im waiting till I know for sure he likes me. He's still being weird and ignoring me/ talking to me and hes invited me to another movie with his friends but I dont know whats running through his head >_< DenumChkn: Yeah I know this is totally different from what all the dating advice stuff says, but we had a weird break up and decided to remain friends so yeah haha its weird
silly_panda Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 aquaon... To find out if he still likes you is a good thing... But, remember... If he didn't get his problem fix, he is still the same person with the same problem... You will end up breaking up again (if ever you get together) for the same reason... This is what they always say about people who got together... Both parties need really communicate and identify the problems that lead to the previous break up and work it out together... If not they will just end up splitting again... Alrite..? Take it slow... I know you still love him a lot... But don't rush on things... He did something wrong that lead to the break up... So be careful not to get yourself hurt again by the same thing...
Author aquaon Posted September 9, 2011 Author Posted September 9, 2011 Silly_panda you are totally right and I know you are. Im waiting to see if he likes me before I if he fixed his problem. If I were to ask that right now things would get awkward and complicate our friendship. I wont rush like you said and Ill definetly take it slow. Right now I just want to know if he still likes me and then go from there. Thanks for your advice! Its really helpful~
silly_panda Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 No problem... I'm happy for you too... Really... And you are taking it slow and steady... Great... Hope to hear good news from you...
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