You guys were right..

[nothingbutblueskies]

LOL, OP, I did both, first 'ending it' and later sending the 'care package'. I wouldn't know the results of those actions for another 14 years.

 

Good luck in your recovery.

 

Well now I'm curious, what happened 14 years later? lol

[nothingbutblueskies]

NBBS.... Just fyi.... I have yet to see one post so far that posterchild has said that is uplifting or helpful. It seems that this person is on a misson to make people feel worse about themselves in a hard time. So I would let most of what is said go in one ear and out the other.

 

Some people just don't get it, and apparently never will.

 

Again, I am very proud of you. I know how hard it is to come from the very pit of darkness and rise up and do something for you. Very courageous and I applaud you.

Keep up the good work. And as I said before, just guard your self for her trying to reach out to you. People will do and say anything to just get what they want. You know???

 

Please keep posting, so we know how you are.

 

I know, but he's hit upon some truths in there, however obnoxious his style of response may be. I have my own problems that I didn't mention in this thread because they're irrelevant to what I posted about. I've been rooting around the bottom of a very deep hole for the majority of my life, so naturally I got myself involved with people who are also in such a place.

 

I know there is a possibility she will try to contact me relatively soon and I'm curious to see how long it takes her to do so, or if I'll even know if she does. Her number is blacklisted on my phone so I will not receive texts or calls from her. Something tells me she may not though, in the past I never told her point blank to get ouf of my life, never speak to me again and I certainly never told her to go **** herself. She's a "prideful" person for lack of a better term, and I tore that down on multiple levels in our exchanges that day. Oh well, I'll just keep running (I want to start running marathons ) and try and bury myself in work the best I can till this is over. Luckily I have some good friends who were elated that I finally took control of the situation and did what was best for me.

[carhill]

Well now I'm curious, what happened 14 years later? lol

To many irrelevant details but, as a MM, I reached out to her at a very low point in life and M, and, over the following two years, would find out the 'rest of the story'.

 

Specifically, regarding the 'care package', it so happened that she and her H were departing on a cruise the following day and she happened to be at home when the mail came (they owned a farm but she worked in town). So, he never (according to her) saw the 'stuff'. As proof, I later saw it, generally comprised of her cards and love letters and journals I had written during the prior eight years.

 

TBH, I had totally forgotten that I had sent it until she mentioned it, and then recalled telling my wife about the situation back when we were dating but couldn't show her anything since I had gotten rid of it all. Ironically, I would also learn during this time that MW and her H separated at exactly the same time (to the month) that my exW and I started dating.

 

I guess that, along with seeing our incompatibilities with better eyes, allowed closure. It all worked out. I'm happily free of both women, my exW has had a new BF for a couple years and my former MW bought a house with her BF.

[wannabdone]

I know, but he's hit upon some truths in there, however obnoxious his style of response may be. I have my own problems that I didn't mention in this thread because they're irrelevant to what I posted about. I've been rooting around the bottom of a very deep hole for the majority of my life, so naturally I got myself involved with people who are also in such a place.

 

I know there is a possibility she will try to contact me relatively soon and I'm curious to see how long it takes her to do so, or if I'll even know if she does. Her number is blacklisted on my phone so I will not receive texts or calls from her. Something tells me she may not though, in the past I never told her point blank to get ouf of my life, never speak to me again and I certainly never told her to go **** herself. She's a "prideful" person for lack of a better term, and I tore that down on multiple levels in our exchanges that day. Oh well, I'll just keep running (I want to start running marathons ) and try and bury myself in work the best I can till this is over. Luckily I have some good friends who were elated that I finally took control of the situation and did what was best for me.

 

 

I hear what you are saying. However, I think we all have to be aware of what ppl may be going through on the site. We aren't here to blow sun shine up everyone's asses. But there is a way, to say what you feel without being offensive. Its good to make people think, but it losses a lot of its creditbility when it comes across offensive.

 

I always try to think of it as some ppl might be on here as the last resort, and even if i'm trying to make them think, I don't want to ever make anyone feel like they have been shot down when they are reaching out as a last resort.

 

I think most of us have already looked very deeply at ourselves to see what our deep issues are. Just gets to be too personal and too long to post everything. Everyone should keep in mind that these stories are seriously 10,000 ft over view.

 

You might be right, pridefull person might not call back. But you know when people are like this, a lot of times when you say basically "no you can't have me", they will try to figure out a way to make that happen. Kind of that "they always want what they can't have". I'm sure you have thought about this, but just wanted you to be prepared. Espeially since she has been mostly in control of the situation and essentially you, it might not be what she likes and might want that control again, if only at the least to try to get back at you. Just never dismiss how cruel people actually can be. I have been shocked since I took a stand agaisnt my MM how cruel he could be. A side I had never seen in 10 years. I've been blown away.

 

I'm glad you are deciding to bury yourself into work and your friends. And again, I am proud of you.

 

Your post just hit close to my heart, I too have been at the point that I thought why even be here anymore. Its just so painful, it gets to be too much. And that broke my heart for you, because it really speaks to how much pain you have been through.

 

good luck, and again, please just keep up posting. Have a great labor day!!!

[wannabdone]

Some people believe it is their duty to try and teach a drowning man how to swim. That's their thing and they do it all the time.

 

There are others here who have been drowning before you and just want to hold out their hands to save you.

 

Many hands are stretched out on LS to help you get to a better place.

 

You didn't pick a fight. It was picked for you. Others have their own agenda and come here to try and teach us poor sinners a lesson. Bless their souls... I am sure they mean well.

 

Just keep up NC,

 

YOur MW probably didn't mean to treat you like a toy. Not being on your side of the triangle, she couldn't understand how you were feeling.

 

XMM found it hard to understand why I felt like a doll he took out of a toy box and put back when he had to go home.

 

In hindsight, I can see he wasn't capable of comprehending many facets of the R. He was coming from a different perspective entirely.

 

The dynamic of the A changes as time goes on and people get hurt along the way. YOu and I know that know but not sure the APs get it.

 

Just keep away from her and stay NC... it's a good start.

 

Gentlegirl

 

GG.... that was absolutely beautiful!!! So sweet and heart felt. You are an amazing person. Truly.

[NoIDidn't]

NBBS

 

Something about your being upset about being told when you could text her or call her stuck out to me. I'm not sure what the others said to you about not being able to be friends, but it seems clear to me that you wanted to be more than friends, whether you admit it to yourself or not.

 

A friend doesn't get that upset when the other friend tells them when the best time to call is. I'm not defending your former MW, because she was doing a bit more than telling you the best time to call, but in the end you didn't like feeling second to her husband.

 

But a friend to a married person is always going to come in some place behind the spouse and family of the married person. That's just how it is and you didn't like it.

 

So she didn't seem like she understood your perspective of your relationship, but its clear you didn't understand hers either. You can't be number one over her husband. Whether friend or OM, her H still came first.

 

Also, I don't think married people should maintain friendships that their spouses can't know about anyway. A hidden friendship is no better than still being in the affair.

[nothingbutblueskies]

NBBS

 

Something about your being upset about being told when you could text her or call her stuck out to me. I'm not sure what the others said to you about not being able to be friends, but it seems clear to me that you wanted to be more than friends, whether you admit it to yourself or not.

 

A friend doesn't get that upset when the other friend tells them when the best time to call is. I'm not defending your former MW, because she was doing a bit more than telling you the best time to call, but in the end you didn't like feeling second to her husband.

 

But a friend to a married person is always going to come in some place behind the spouse and family of the married person. That's just how it is and you didn't like it.

 

So she didn't seem like she understood your perspective of your relationship, but its clear you didn't understand hers either. You can't be number one over her husband. Whether friend or OM, her H still came first.

 

Also, I don't think married people should maintain friendships that their spouses can't know about anyway. A hidden friendship is no better than still being in the affair.

 

It wasn't that. We were much more than friends, she had even mentioned getting divorced a few times.

[NoIDidn't]

It wasn't that. We were much more than friends, she had even mentioned getting divorced a few times.

 

But that's precisely my point. You weren't just friends or just trying to be friends as implied by the OP.

 

It seems you both had a different understanding of what "friends" meant, and that is why it never works.

[nothingbutblueskies]

But that's precisely my point. You weren't just friends or just trying to be friends as implied by the OP.

 

It seems you both had a different understanding of what "friends" meant, and that is why it never works.

 

The backstory is, originally when I posted here I thought I could end it and remain friends with her, but that never happened because the moment either of us realized that meant no longer saying I love you, talking dirty, have sex or whatever else we both dropped it and resumed things how they were prior. She and I even had that conversation, where I said I didn't want to be just her friend (because I wasn't) just a friend and she agreed. I didn't mean to imply I wanted to be friends with her now, the whole thing is over now. No friends, no talking, nothing. She's no longer a part of my life.

[FightClub]

Nothingbutblueskies,

 

It takes a lot of courage to let go of something that brought you happiness, even as the course of time reveals true intentions, malicious or not.

 

Reading the result of your continued contact with exMW makes me think of how things could have possibly ended badly if I had stayed around with my exMW.

 

Be proud of the choices you make, now you know without a doubt what the end result could have been, as others have said around these parts, letting go of this will help you heal and be at a more serene place with someone even greater in time.

 

Perspective & opinion change in time, I'd say you did the right thing for yourself and if there is any chance in the future that she changes, divorces or whatever, let it be because she realized it for herself, you didn't have to push or convince her otherwise.

 

Fortunately or unfortunately, it might be too late for her by then.

 

What matters is what do you with your life, just as she with hers.

 

Stay strong buddy!

 

-FC

[nothingbutblueskies]

Nothingbutblueskies,

 

It takes a lot of courage to let go of something that brought you happiness, even as the course of time reveals true intentions, malicious or not.

 

Reading the result of your continued contact with exMW makes me think of how things could have possibly ended badly if I had stayed around with my exMW.

 

Be proud of the choices you make, now you know without a doubt what the end result could have been, as others have said around these parts, letting go of this will help you heal and be at a more serene place with someone even greater in time.

 

Perspective & opinion change in time, I'd say you did the right thing for yourself and if there is any chance in the future that she changes, divorces or whatever, let it be because she realized it for herself, you didn't have to push or convince her otherwise.

 

Fortunately or unfortunately, it might be too late for her by then.

 

What matters is what do you with your life, just as she with hers.

 

Stay strong buddy!

 

-FC

 

Thanks. I always told her I don't want her leaving her marriage for me. I wanted her to leave because she was unhappy (though she admitted that to me, I don't think she's admitted that to herself). If she were to leave for me and things wound up not working out in the real world between the two of us then that's a pretty ****ty situation to leave someone in. Hopefully me telling her off will make her reassess her life and maybe try working on things at home. I have a strong feeling it won't though. I think it's probably to late for her now. Honestly though, I am trying not to care. All I can do is keep working on fixing myself.

[whichwayisup]

Thanks. I always told her I don't want her leaving her marriage for me. I want her to leave because she's unhappy. If she were to leave for me and things wound up not working out in the real world between the two of us then that's a pretty ****ty situation to leave someone in. Hopefully me telling her off will make her reassess her life and maybe try working on things at home. I have a strong feeling it won't though. I think it's probably to late for her now. Honestly though, I am trying not to care. All I can do is keep working on fixing myself.

 

You have a very healthy outlook on this and it's good that you know what you want, that you're strong and working on you.

 

It is possible she is unhappy, but with herself not her marriage or husband, you just enhanced her life, made her feel good but not enough to end things and start a new life with you.

[wannabdone]

Thanks. I always told her I don't want her leaving her marriage for me. I wanted her to leave because she was unhappy (though she admitted that to me, I don't think she's admitted that to herself). If she were to leave for me and things wound up not working out in the real world between the two of us then that's a pretty ****ty situation to leave someone in. Hopefully me telling her off will make her reassess her life and maybe try working on things at home. I have a strong feeling it won't though. I think it's probably to late for her now. Honestly though, I am trying not to care. All I can do is keep working on fixing myself.

 

 

Where is the "like" button, like they have on FB????!!!! We should get one of those on here.