4 weeks no contact. i'm going to break it monday

[Dblock10]

And my reasons are that, once you go no contact, people move on, they forget about you. I have been trying to forget her but cant. when she leaves she will forget about me faster than you can say love shack.

 

I dont want to sit around thinking that, if i stay NC and then try and initiate contact down the line that she may be single or even that she had been thinking about me. It would be far to late and naive of me to do so. she would be a different person perhaps.

 

yeah its going to hurt not being able to be with her since we broke up. But I always knew she was going travelling, she never hid that from me.

 

its a shame she didn't want to work it out whilst she goes and it hurt, i cant get my head around why as I know we could have worked fine, she just didn't want it i guess and said we would argue and that when she is back she cant promise me that she would do anything near me...

 

I am going to break no contact in order to know where she stands with me on this not talking to each other now. I could get further rejected or hurt. but maybe i need that... i am hurting anyway.

I'm not going to try and win her back, just want answers as to why she broke up with me so early before she leaves and why she hasn't spoken to me since, if you cared about someone and you broke up because you had to ultimately leave the country for 6 months and you felt it wouldnt work and you couldnt promise them anything once back, why wouldnt you talk to them now to see how they are etc..

 

at least then if she doesn't want to be in contact with me i'll no for sure and needn't worry about thinking that she contact me again..

 

i know ive done well to last 4 weeks, and ive given her plenty of space and time to reflect on things etc as it got a bit heavy all the talk about her leaving etc. but i had at least hoped that by now that she would have contacted me... And guess what. she hasnt... and she probably wont. meaning she wasnt fussed about me or the relationship right?

 

or am i being weak and desperate which is making me want to do this? or is this the right thing to do. i just don't know.

 

i think i'll call my friend tomorrow and get her take on it.

 

feels like there are unanswered silence's here.

[wilsonx]

was your breakup in April and you are only 4 weeks NC?

 

What do you have to say that needs to be said? The point of NC is for you to break the emotional ties to her. Its for you not her

[Dblock10]

it was 4 weeks ago today, but also through july i never quite fully knew where it was going or what was going to happen due to the situation we were facing.

 

yeah i get the nc thing and why people do it. just i dont want to live with the bitterness that she didnt contact me and that further down the line i wont get a chance to talk to her or even meet up with her. although i cant 100% say these things will be true, it seems likely.

 

i dont understand why she broke up with me 4 weeks ago yet she leaves end of sept.. wouldnt you want to make the most of it with someone?

 

she clearly didnt love me or even care much about my feelings. my nan passed away 2 weeks after i saw her and broke up. yet she hasnt spoke since through any medium.

[antinko]

See other thread for my thoughts on the matter. But cliff notes version: Save yourself and don't do it.

[Dblock10]

yeah part of my brain says staying in contact with her whilst she's away would be difficult anyway. even if i were to stay in contact for now. wow this is one of the hardest decisions ive ever had to come across with my life regarding relationships

[Queen of Hearts 10]

D

 

I'm all for the Love that is said, and not kept quite.

 

But they are RIGHT. I have never been able to do NC for more than

two months. I call and he silences me with no answer. Or when I reach

him he lies to me. They have nothing to say! Their actions speak louder

with their nothingness in return. If they loved us there would be no

silence. I'm standing out here in the open field looking at the wreckage

no one is around and nothing will come out of it. The pieces are scattered

in fragments all over the ground. I've walked away from it and returned to

it time and time again.

 

One thought before you do this Love and pain are hand in hand that is the

Risk you take. High stakes on this game. Good Luck ! Queen of Hearts 10

[Dblock10]

hey thanks for the message.

 

i just really dont know whats best. of course staying nc and leaving her be, letting her get on with her travels etc is best.

 

however i dont want her to forget me and just move on, then later down the line i have to deal with seeing she is with some one, obviously she is free to make that choice, but i feel it wasnt fair this happened to me and the way it did.

 

its the fact she hasnt spoken to me since that makes it worse for me.

[antinko]

hey thanks for the message.

 

i just really dont know whats best. of course staying nc and leaving her be, letting her get on with her travels etc is best.

 

however i dont want her to forget me and just move on, then later down the line i have to deal with seeing she is with some one, obviously she is free to make that choice, but i feel it wasnt fair this happened to me and the way it did.

 

its the fact she hasnt spoken to me since that makes it worse for me.

 

She's not right for you mate and in time you'll learn that she doesn't deserve you.

 

You deserve someone who will love you completely and who wants to stay with you. This girl clearly doesn't have 'relationship' high on her agenda right now. Yes, she will probably hook up with others during her travels but I highly suspect that these people will only be temporary.

 

You're at university and the majority of girls and guys there are trying to gain as many life experiences as possible because it's the one time in their life where they can afford such freedom so easily.

 

I know it sucks, but you can't begrudge her her freedom especially when the cards were laid on the table from the beginning. At least she was honest with you - that shows she respects you. It doesn't sound like she led you up the garden path or anything like that.

 

Unfortunately, you cannot control how you feel, but hopefully you can gain some perspective and allow your heart to mend.

 

If she's affecting you this much after 7 months, then I think you just need to cut her out of your life.

 

If you look at my updated journal, you'll see a letter that I would just love to send to my ex, but I won't. I know I can't send it because it'll hurt me far more than anything else. I also know that, even if on the surface she even laughed at it, it'd hurt her.

 

Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for someone is just let them go. You're a young man like me and we have to start becoming men at some point.

 

You can do it if I can.

[Diatribes]

she clearly didnt love me or even care much about my feelings.

 

Dude, listen to yourself if you're not going to listen to others. Stay away from this girl. You're going to put yourself back to square one real quick if you contact her. If she wanted to work things out with you, she'd be doing it. You're never going to get any clarity either. It sucks, but apparently she doesn't care enough to even give you that. Post here instead of contacting her.

[Diatribes]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t295632/

 

Read this^. Contact her and it's going to be deja-vu

[Dblock10]

thanks for the advice homebrew and antiko also diatribes. replies to all of you.

 

homeb yeah if they wanted to be with you they would this is true. sucks how thats not the case because it isnt possible.. sigh

 

27 threads ! jeez i am mad. yeah i over think everything far too much its like my worst trait, oh and girls....and getting attached. Yeah clear as mud by the lack of anything from her.. shes obviously cutting me out of her life but why :S

 

yeah if i dug up the relationship with her then no doubt it would push her further away for sure, she would think gahh get me on this travelling NOW. but doesnt 4 weeks of nc make a difference? ha yeah probably another 27 threads about reaching out no doubt!

 

its true, its her job to win me back. but seems like when we said goodbye "she" meant it..

 

 

antiko

 

She's not right for you mate and in time you'll learn that she doesn't deserve you.

 

i hope your right there mate, wonder how long that will take me :S

 

You deserve someone who will love you completely and who wants to stay with you. This girl clearly doesn't have 'relationship' high on her agenda right now. Yes, she will probably hook up with others during her travels but I highly suspect that these people will only be temporary.

 

yeah this i agree with. She wants to be herself for a while, no ties to anyone. still, confuses me as to why she would commit to a relationship then knowing this was going to come up.... and i too doubt anything she will get involved with now will materialise.

 

I know it sucks, but you can't begrudge her freedom especially when the cards were laid on the table from the beginning. At least she was honest with you - that shows she respects you. It doesn't sound like she led you up the garden path or anything like that.

 

yeah i cannot begrudge her from freedom, i agree she should travel and i do hope she enjoys it. i am sure she will... i know i would love to be going. She was honest with me sure. And i was about to repeat what i stated above, still, confuses me as to why she would commit to a relationship then knowing this was going to come up....

 

but looking back, it was me who made us official... i doubt she would have taken that step unless i had been the one to do it? maybe she didnt deep down want to make it an official serious relationship but just went along with it as she liked me, and it suited her at the time.... thus, wanted to avoid conflict and loosing me if she felt i really wanted a serious committed thing between us and wouldn't want anything less :s? it did feel like she was a bit casual at times, in fact most the time.

i took it too seriously then?

 

thing is, when we broke up i mentioned how i was always serious about our relationship and where it was going. she was like "oh and i wasnt serious?" in a defensive way ... :S why?

 

Unfortunately, you cannot control how you feel, but hopefully you can gain some perspective and allow your heart to mend.

 

this is true. and talking about it does help i guess. just miss her and what i had.

 

If she's affecting you this much after 7 months, then I think you just need to cut her out of your life. its not been 7 months. i was with her 7 months from x mass onward. its been 4 weeks of nc and since we officially broke up.

 

If you look at my updated journal, you'll see a letter that I would just love to send to my ex, but I won't. I know I can't send it because it'll hurt me far more than anything else. I also know that, even if on the surface she even laughed at it, it'd hurt her.

 

i will look at your post after my dinner bud, but yeah you obviously realise it isnt worth sending? is she with anyone else then? i seriously think if you break nc and it isnt all too full of emotions and hurt then it shouldnt be a problem speaking to them... :S

 

Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for someone is just let them go. You're a young man like me and we have to start becoming men at some point.

 

so maybe she did it for me, but more likely herself given what she said. it was her feelings she was concerned about and her travel. not me or my feelings.

 

You can do it if I can.

 

i will.

 

 

it is hard. very hard.

 

my friend told me that "the ball was left in her court, if she doesn't contact me then she isnt worth getting in contact with. simple. considering my nan and the fact the relationship lasted for 7 months the least she could have done was end the relationship maturely.

 

 

i told him that she did speak to me in person, and she probably just didnt' know what she wanted to do until looking at it logically and emotions aside

 

he said well she still could have realised that breaking up is different to facing difficulties. she could have at least acknowledged that there was difficulties ahead like i had, and spoke about them better. not just leaving it and then have the pressure crumble down on me.