IceIceBaby Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Boyfriend and I had a little argument about how much time we spend together. He works very long hours and usually his days off are Sunday and Monday. I work Monday-Friday so Sunday is obviously our only full day together. We were supposed to see each other tonight and tomorrow and possibly Monday (I have off for the holiday). He ended up having to work today so he tells me it'll just have to be tomorrow and Monday morning that we'll hang out. When I ask why just Monday morning he says he's going golfing with his dad and his brother. In the past, any other boyfriend I have had would have passed on golf to hang out with me. Not because I expect him to only hang out with me, but because we see each other so little and this would be another day together. And plus he moved home right before we started dating, so he sees his brother and dad every day when he gets home from work. The conversation keeps developing and at one point he says to me "I treat you like everyone else in my life" in response to me saying sometimes it feels like he doesn't want to spend time with me based on the things he says/does. He said this like it was a good thing. I responded saying maybe that's a problem because I've never treated my significant other like everyone else. They've always been a little bit more special to me and that's how I treat him. He seemed to really think about that. And I can't help but wonder if this is part of our problem. Thoughts? Do you treat your significant other like everyone else in your life?
Zaphod B Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 I can understand a guy wanting his space, but to say he treats you like everyone else? Well then obviously he has the wrong attitude if he wants a girlfriend. A girlfriend should get special treatment and he should be willing to make some sacrifices, just as long as you allow him his space too. It's about give and take right? Sounds like he just wants you around when it suits him. I bet when he wants you to be somewhere he'll expect you to give him top priority. If he hasn't got time to invest in you, then why waste time with him? Why should you be the one who has to fit with his schedule all the time? Move on to someone who will place more value on their relationship with you and give you more respect.
Professor X Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 Boyfriend and I had a little argument about how much time we spend together. He works very long hours and usually his days off are Sunday and Monday. I work Monday-Friday so Sunday is obviously our only full day together. We were supposed to see each other tonight and tomorrow and possibly Monday (I have off for the holiday). He ended up having to work today so he tells me it'll just have to be tomorrow and Monday morning that we'll hang out. When I ask why just Monday morning he says he's going golfing with his dad and his brother. In the past, any other boyfriend I have had would have passed on golf to hang out with me. Not because I expect him to only hang out with me, but because we see each other so little and this would be another day together. And plus he moved home right before we started dating, so he sees his brother and dad every day when he gets home from work. The conversation keeps developing and at one point he says to me "I treat you like everyone else in my life" in response to me saying sometimes it feels like he doesn't want to spend time with me based on the things he says/does. He said this like it was a good thing. I responded saying maybe that's a problem because I've never treated my significant other like everyone else. They've always been a little bit more special to me and that's how I treat him. He seemed to really think about that. And I can't help but wonder if this is part of our problem. Thoughts? Do you treat your significant other like everyone else in your life? From his response I'd say he's using you for sex - doesn't seem like he's emotionally invested in you or something. And by the way, you are absolutely right when you said: "They've always been a little bit more special to me".
Pasttense Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 A great many people consider their close family (mother, father, brothers and sisters) extremely important to them. Apparently the OP doesn't understand this view.
Hot Chick Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 I think that's pretty fair, you get to spend the whole day Sunday with him as well as Monday morning, then he is spending time playing golf the rest of the day on Monday. Don't try to take away a guy's golf time with his dad and bro. Obviously this is something he wants to do. I'm sorry but yes, you are his girlfriend, and girlfriends come and go, but he will cherish the time spent with his dad and his brother. I can't believe you're upset that he wants to spend some time playing golf with his dad and brother.
thatone Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 i don't understand the view that they are automatically more important than everyone else, especially in the case of parents after you're grown.
Elysian Powder Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 You got good taste in men, OP. This guy is clearly smart; he understands that relationships tend to be temporary, so he'd rather built on something that is ever lasting. His love for his family. Either accept that the guy got his priorities straight, or find another boyfriend, someone willing to devote more of his already limited time to you. Hm, guys, I don't see how he's using her for sex? He could use his free days to sex her up. He ain't doing it. Besides, I'm sure she enjoys the sex. No one is being used.
goldenboy7115 Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 When it comes to your girlfriend, yes, she should take priority over a golf game. If he doesn't see it this way, go somewhere else. It kind of says he doesn't think you're so special..just one of the guys; Red Flag in my book.
goldenboy7115 Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 In addition to my last response. I think blood should come first always, but if you were planning on being together and have limited time, don't diss the girlfriend. It ain't healthy.
camper15935 Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 Did he ask you to go along golfing? Would you have gone? If he didn't invite or offer to include you thats what would bothered me.
visualbasicide Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 Maybe he invested a lot of emotion and time into a previous relationship and got burned? He does make time for you. In the long term it might not work out and maybe he views his family as something solid. Then again as time goes on he may start to invest more of himself in you when he sees there isn't anything to protect himself from. Maybe he was raised with "tough love" and doesn't know how to express himself as you are used to? who knows. It doesn't sound like either of you are treating the other poorly though, just cautiously. Only time will tell really.
Mr. Savage Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 OP I could see if you had something planned to do with him other than just hanging out then he should skip his golf outing but he only has 2 days off a week and going golfing with family will take what 4-6 hours maybe? I think he was wrong in not realizing that he should treat you as being a little more special than others if he loves you. He didn't phrase his words very well. In this situation it sounds like you are both being a little selfish. Some compromise would help.
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