ihavelotsofcoconuts Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Ok so here's the deal. I'm currently in a relationship (2 years) with this girl...and she's great. We get along, she's good looking, the sex is good, and this year she's coming to the same college I go to. But I think I'm attracted to someone else. There's this girl...a former classmate of my girlfriend that just blew my mind. I can't get her out of my head. She likes sports and working out just as much as I do (whereas my gf doesn't that much), she has the same music tastes as I do (again, my gf doesn't), and from what I understand we have similar behaviours (assertive, outgoing, confident, ambitious, etc). I'm torn here. One one hand my I can't really break up with my current gf over nothing...she really has been patient and she says she loves me and that she's glad to have me. But do I still feel the same? The fact that I'm actually asking this question, suggests that no...I don't. But I can't break her heart like that. I mean she thinks it's all good, she's coming to the same college as me, and <<poof>> I come out of nowhere and shatter her world. I'd feel terrible and like a douchbag. And on the other hand there's no guarantee that this other girl would be interested in me. After all, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush right? Ah what the hell am I doing? I just can't get this other girl out of my mind. I constantly find myself looking endlessly on her facebook profile...I'm slightly obsessed with her. But I couldn't bear to break my gf's heart like that. Help a brother out guys/girls. Please?
alexandria35 Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 You can't break up with your gf over nothing?? Losing feelings for your gf and developing feelings for another girl isn't nothing, it's something and it's enough of a reason to break up with someone. You don't sound mature enough to be in a serious committed relationship right now. Thats okay but maybe your girlfriend is and maybe you should let her go so that she can find someone who is ready to be fully committed to her. Breaking up with someone is never easy or painless. Your gf will be hurt and you have to be brave enough to face that. Be compassionate when you tell her but don't give her false hope or string her along. Also you should tell her right away so that she already knows the score when she arrives at your college. Whatever you do, don't have her come there and then start seeing both girls at the same time behind their backs. That would be cruel and it would make you slimy.
spice4life Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 (edited) Ok so here's the deal. I'm currently in a relationship (2 years) with this girl...and she's great. We get along, she's good looking, the sex is good, and this year she's coming to the same college I go to. But I think I'm attracted to someone else. There's this girl...a former classmate of my girlfriend that just blew my mind. I can't get her out of my head. She likes sports and working out just as much as I do (whereas my gf doesn't that much), she has the same music tastes as I do (again, my gf doesn't), and from what I understand we have similar behaviours (assertive, outgoing, confident, ambitious, etc). I'm torn here. One one hand my I can't really break up with my current gf over nothing...she really has been patient and she says she loves me and that she's glad to have me. But do I still feel the same? The fact that I'm actually asking this question, suggests that no...I don't. But I can't break her heart like that. I mean she thinks it's all good, she's coming to the same college as me, and <<poof>> I come out of nowhere and shatter her world. I'd feel terrible and like a douchbag. And on the other hand there's no guarantee that this other girl would be interested in me. After all, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush right? Ah what the hell am I doing? I just can't get this other girl out of my mind. I constantly find myself looking endlessly on her facebook profile...I'm slightly obsessed with her. But I couldn't bear to break my gf's heart like that. Help a brother out guys/girls. Please? You owe it to yourself and your gf to be completely honest. If your feelings have changed then you need to tell her. Sure, she wll be hurt, but she will heal and get over it. Staying would mean you are stringing her along and it doesn't allow her to move on to find someone who loves her for who she is. This sounds hard, but the best gift you can give her is letting her go...by doing so, you give her back her power of choice. This also gives you the space you ned to explore your options. You have the right to do that as well. But, holding on to someone while doing so is not fair. Don't let your fear of causing pain cloud your judgement. Breaking it off is the most humane thing you can do for her, even if it is painful initially. She will eventually heal and find someone who is a better fit for her. It gives you that option too. Edited September 3, 2011 by spice4life
MissBee Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 (edited) You're young, you sound like you should be dating around versus being in a committed relationship. I am not THAT much older, but I do believe that some teens and young adults tie themselves down and play pretend serious relationships, when they should be learning and growing. Yes it isn't fun to break someone's heart, but she will get over it. As long as you explain your need to be single (I suppose you can leave out the pursuing of another woman out of it)...she may be hurt, angry, upset etc for a while but will eventually move on. But to secretly want another woman the whole time you're together is pointless. It is torture for you as you pretend to be so involved in this relationship and not fair to her as she is building castles in the sky with a guy who doesn't feel the same. I am assuming she is in high school and will be a college freshman....trust me, she will get over it. You live love, grow and move on before you settle down in college. There is no point in wasting your time or hers to have a pretend commitment. You're not doing her a favor, trust me. Who knows, maybe she secretly is interested in other men too but is scared to hurt you, you never know until you put it out there and are honest about your feelings and desires. I am not belittling college relationships as some do go on to marry and many provide room for growth, but on the other hand I have seen many in which people throw their lives away, their freedom to date others, freedom to be single and disengaged and make choices that don't involve another, for something that wasn't going to be long term or something built when they were fresh out of high school and still naive to the world. It's not a crime to have a relationship in college but I do think people in general are often too quick to play the rituals of monogamy and commitment, having no clue what it means, when maybe for them that is not what they should be doing at that moment. It is such a transitional time for you that it's best experienced IMO without those types of obligations... Edited September 3, 2011 by MissBee
fooled once Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Ok so here's the deal. I'm currently in a relationship (2 years) with this girl...and she's great. We get along, she's good looking, the sex is good, and this year she's coming to the same college I go to. But I think I'm attracted to someone else. There's this girl...a former classmate of my girlfriend that just blew my mind. I can't get her out of my head. She likes sports and working out just as much as I do (whereas my gf doesn't that much), she has the same music tastes as I do (again, my gf doesn't), and from what I understand we have similar behaviours (assertive, outgoing, confident, ambitious, etc). I'm torn here. One one hand my I can't really break up with my current gf over nothing...she really has been patient and she says she loves me and that she's glad to have me. But do I still feel the same? The fact that I'm actually asking this question, suggests that no...I don't. But I can't break her heart like that. I mean she thinks it's all good, she's coming to the same college as me, and <<poof>> I come out of nowhere and shatter her world. I'd feel terrible and like a douchbag. And on the other hand there's no guarantee that this other girl would be interested in me. After all, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush right? Ah what the hell am I doing? I just can't get this other girl out of my mind. I constantly find myself looking endlessly on her facebook profile...I'm slightly obsessed with her. But I couldn't bear to break my gf's heart like that. Help a brother out guys/girls. Please? You can break up with your GF for any reason! How about the fact that you aren't into to her anymore? You both are young. Heck, maybe not being with you wont shatter her world like you think. Maybe she stays with you out of boredom or just not meeting anyone else right now? You two have so much life ahead of you. There is no reason to stay with someone if you aren't happy. Heck, you and new girl will fizzle out after time most likely. Stop thinking you are at the end of dating. I bet in 1 year you won't be with either girl!
Gentlegirl Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Sounds to me like you are over your girlfriend and she's just become a comfortable habit. Give her the gift of your honesty. You can break up if you have lost interest. YOu aren't married to her. Just tell her the truth. Pursue the other one by all means BUT do the break up first. Don't have any secrets from anybody. Good luck Gentlegirl.
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