petie123 Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Ok i just really felt i needed to let this out so this is my story... My name is Peter and im 21 years old and im from the UK. Around 3 years ago i met this girl from the Netherlands on a internet game and we sort of got into a internet long distance relationship with eachother, i didn't think it was possible myself for such a thing to happen but for some reason my heart just beated for this girl, at the time i was 18 and she was 17 both living with our parents etc, for 2 years we spent talking about how we would love to meet up and be with eachother. At first she was really emotional and just always wanted to speak to me as much as she could, she felt really in love but i wasn't so into it as it was over the internet but anyway she wanted me to book a ticket and fly over to her. As i wasn't really sure about this kind of thing, i was only 18 at the time, everytime i said no she would get upset so i kind of lied and said ok to it eventually but i didn't really do anything, in the end she did find out and she was upset, i explained to her i was afraid of doing something this big, in the end she decided she would fly out instead. So the day came she flew out to me and i was extreamly scared, when i saw her coming through at the airport i just thought... wow... she is the most beautiful girl i had ever seen and it turned out she was one of the sweetest and kindest girls i ever met aswell. I really liked her so much, her first trip was only a week long so she went back quite quickly but 2 weeks later she was back to move in with me, i thought i had found the girl of my dreams.. atleast for a whole year i did think that. Iv been really struggling to find my first job as i dont have hardly any work experiance so iv just been scrubbing off my family and benefits from the goverment, we got through things ok though , i would do anything for her and i loved making her happy. She didn't want to do anything though, she wouldn't socialize with my family or want to go to collage, she had quite low confidence like me so we spent most of our time just enjoying ourselves like, going out to eat, cinema's and playing video games, Id do everything for her, go buy her whatever she wants, if there was something she needed id borrow money to get it and i would show her so much love and she would show it back to me. She would sit and and talk about building dreams with me. Halfway through the year she was forced to go back bcos of a funeral, her grandma had died so its quite normal for her to have to go back, at the time i didn't have a passport so i couldn't go with her. While she was there i would spam text her and want to call her nearly all the time because i missed her, i think this really annoyed her but for some reason i just couldn't help it, i feel so in love with her and it felt like she didn't, she wouldn't hardly text me or phone me or anything and she would keep saying she wanted to spend time with her family. I was also scared at the fact that she might not come back to me as she always seemed so unsure. So long story short we got through that and she came back anyway. Few months later she wanted me to go meet her family and to possibly even live there so i got my passport and we went, i met her family and to be quite honest i didn't really like them very much. They would speak there own language around me when they could perfectly speak english and then look at me and stare at me and laugh and i found it quite intimidating. They were also into drinking and drugs and that wasn't my scene. Towards the end she decided she didnt even like being back home so we got on our flight and came back. Few weeks after being back she would talk about how she misses her dad and she then started to talk to her sister soo much on facebook and it was like her family was trying to convince her to move back to Holland and even if that meant leaving me behind. She then started saying she wanted to move there and wanted me to come with her. I told her it wasn't a option for me to move there as i cant speak the language and i have 0 work experiance, its not the wisest thing to do. Then came the news that her mum was getting married so she had to go back to her mums wedding, i wasn't going to stop her but i didn't really want to go so i said i dont want to go, i said to her please dont get convinced to stay , i told her to promise me and she promised, she didn't even take all her stuff. Now she is over there and after half a day/1day into being there she has already said to me that she isn't coming back and that if i love her and want her i should go live there with her, which is basically her family talking. She has a flight booked for thursday and its only friday night she reveals this to me... do you guys think theres any hope of her coming back? Iv said to her im getting us a appartment and im close to getting a job so life would improve here but she seems to not care and just want to do what she wants. Im really heart broken as i love her but i dont think i can go to live out there, so its either i move or we break up, what do you guys think? am i being the bad guy for not moving there to try it?
antinko Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Want my honest opinion? Here it is: you're very young and whatever you do now, won't really matter that much in the long run. If you feel you really love each other, go over there and have fun. It'll be character building. Usually I'd say to let her go, but since you're both at the beginning of your working lives, you've got very little to lose. you can always move back if it doesn't work out at a later point. You will also pick up the language eventually just by being exposed to it: in fact, it could be very useful for you from a CV perspective. I say to go through with following her because, well, you'll probably think "what if?" if you don't. At least if it doesn't work out in the long run, then you at least tried and you'll learn from it. Obviously you have to do what you want to do, but personally, I'd want to push outside my comfort zone and go for it. Best of luck. P.S What I learned from my break up is that you just have to grab life by the horns. Take every opportunity. Take some risks. Live. It's so liberating. Don't be too quick to cast judgements and allow new experiences to happen to you.
Author petie123 Posted September 3, 2011 Author Posted September 3, 2011 Thanks for the reply Antinko, one problem i find though is that how she can change her mind and blackmail me into going over there, is that normal behaviour from someone thats supposed to love me?
silly_panda Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 She is still young and could easily be influenced... So of her changing her mind and all is not so hard to understand... Well... If you really do go over, it's a great opportunity to explore new things and maybe you could even find something you like there (job, places, etc)... Yup... If you get to learn their language, it will be good for your resume... You are still young... Go experience life... But at the end of the day... The decision is all yours... Maybe you should also ask your parents opinion on this (about going there and start a career)...
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