Resentment

September 3, 2011

I am in a relationship with a man who is married and is in an open marriage. We were friends for a long time and a few months ago, we finally met, it was , that was in March of this year. I knew, understood and accepted the "rules" of this relationship. well, I moved to the same home town he lives in, NOT because of him, I was planning on moving there anyway.

Here is where it gets weird, when i moved here, he and his wife and i have become great friends, his kids and i also get along great as well. She and I have "joint custody" we switch off weekends, one weekend he is at her house, then the other weekend he is at mine. This has worked out until just recently.

Now, a huge part of the problem, is he and I have crossed the "friends with benefits" line about 2 months ago, and our relationship has gone from that to we love each other. He is staying with her because f his kids she is staying with him because of the kids, and they have both told me if it wasnt for the kids they would split up.

He and I have talked abut this and I know the scoop, he said for now this has to be the way it is and I have accepted this, first mistake.

Here is where the problem comes in I miss him, he is OTR truck driver and is usually home on weekends, but last weekend, which was my weekend he had to work, this is her weekend, and she said if he gets all of his honey do list done she doesnt care if he comes over here.

Well, I saw him last night for awhile over at her house and when I lfet he walked me to my car to say good night and I was a total bitch, zi havent been sleeping and i get very emotional when i dont sleep, yes he has something to do with it, but there are other reasons I am not sleeping.

Anyway, when we are together we are not alone, we are either over her house, the kids our at my house or she and the kids are at my house. I keep telling him we need to figure out a way for us to be completely lone for a weekend and he agrees, but doing and saying it are 2 different things.

I don't want to break it off because we get along so well, and it isnt just the sex, which is the best I have ever had in m life, it is everything, we like the same tv shows, movies, author, we get along so well. He is in an open marriage, but we are not in an open relationship, he sees no one else, neither do I, she has about 6 guys she sees. When she has her dates even if it is her weekend with my boyfriend, he goes and he and the kids come over here. the kids know I am Daddy's girlfriend and they have no problem with that.....

I just am starting to feel resentment, towards him, towards her and i feel like absolute **** because I thought I could do the whole :friends with benefits thing" and i fell in love with him and never intended that to happen.....

how do I deal with the resentment that is starting to build?

September 3, 2011

Hi, welcome to LS

Actually your situation sounds a little better than most in that at least you're not involved in a bunch of lies and you don't have to deal with the crushing guilt that usually comes from knowing that the betrayed wife doesn't know what's going on.

In this case, it seems like everyone is on the same page and you all get along.

Since you get along and talk about everything, would it be possible for you to sit them down (without the kids) and tell them what you would like and see about maybe drawing up a schedule that will enable you to have at least a few days alone with your bf?

Do you think that would be possible or would his wife get huffy? It seems to me like you all talk freely to one another, maybe you should give that a shot.

September 3, 2011

You are right, we do all get along with each other, but she would get huffy, i think, I don't know, right now, emotionally I am just not in a good place. he reason I say I don't know is because of this one thing that happened about a month ago. She had a date with this new guy and he and I both thought that she was going to be gone over night, well she showed up at my place round 11:30 and the kids were with him and I and when she was leaving he sad to take the kids with her, because he wanted us to spend time together alone. She did but it was a little tense. I had no idea he was going to do this and when i asked him why, he said because wanted us to spend time alone together.

The other problem, is he is for a lack of a better word, very submissive to her, in the sense he does and puts up with stuff to keep the peace, and of course noting he says or does is ever good enough, which also puts another spin on this because I have a ringside seat so to speak to all of this and once his and my feelings were told to each other, it put a different light on how she treats him. See, a big part of the trouble is she may have an idea but doesn't realize that he and I have crossed the line with our feelings. She is constantly tying to hook me up with her sex partners. Which is not going to happen, because one I am not like and two I am committed to my boyfriend.

For example she and I have a mutual friend who was going to be in town for the weekend and was going to stay in a hotel. I spoke to my boyfriend and he said offer him the couch, she knew this and gave both of us a hard time about she said what makes you think he would sleep on her couch, he said because i know that is how she (meaning me is), and she said to me and to him that if he was at her house he sure as hell wouldnt sleep on the couch. Which is fine for her, the other thing that he finally understands is our bed is our bed and i would not nor could i bring another man into it. she on the other hand brings other men into her bed, which is fine for her and if it works then great but i am not like that.

She has even suggested I stay there with him and the kids when she has a date, she has no problem with him and I sleeping in her bed, but I do and my boyfriend understands that and respects me for that ......

I just don't know, which is worse, and open one or a secret one .

September 3, 2011

I think open and honest communication is the key to any successful intimate R, and when you get involved with someone in an open M that often means communication between the three of you. So that's what I would recommend - that you communicate your needs and frustration to both of them.

Sounds like you are concerned you will not get what you want because you say he is submissive and his W will get huffy. That is certainly a possibility - you communicate openly and don't hear what you want to hear. Not sure there is another way though as I think trying to get what you want through other strategies such as manipulation typically don't work out in the longer term.

Is all you want more alone time? If so, what do you think the W's objection will be? You mention that she doesn't know the feelings that have developed between you two (which doesn't sound like an open M) - are you afraid these will come out in the discussion?

If you have an idea of why the W may object to more alone time between her H and you, then you might be able to think of ideas to address those objections.

September 3, 2011

I am in a relationship with a man who is married and is in an open marriage. We were friends for a long time and a few months ago, we finally met, it was , that was in March of this year. I knew, understood and accepted the "rules" of this relationship. well, I moved to the same home town he lives in, NOT because of him, I was planning on moving there anyway.

Here is where it gets weird, when i moved here, he and his wife and i have become great friends, his kids and i also get along great as well. She and I have "joint custody" we switch off weekends, one weekend he is at her house, then the other weekend he is at mine. This has worked out until just recently.

Now, a huge part of the problem, is he and I have crossed the "friends with benefits" line about 2 months ago, and our relationship has gone from that to we love each other. He is staying with her because f his kids she is staying with him because of the kids, and they have both told me if it wasnt for the kids they would split up.

He and I have talked abut this and I know the scoop, he said for now this has to be the way it is and I have accepted this, first mistake.

Here is where the problem comes in I miss him, he is OTR truck driver and is usually home on weekends, but last weekend, which was my weekend he had to work, this is her weekend, and she said if he gets all of his honey do list done she doesnt care if he comes over here.

Well, I saw him last night for awhile over at her house and when I lfet he walked me to my car to say good night and I was a total bitch, zi havent been sleeping and i get very emotional when i dont sleep, yes he has something to do with it, but there are other reasons I am not sleeping.

Anyway, when we are together we are not alone, we are either over her house, the kids our at my house or she and the kids are at my house. I keep telling him we need to figure out a way for us to be completely lone for a weekend and he agrees, but doing and saying it are 2 different things.

I don't want to break it off because we get along so well, and it isnt just the sex, which is the best I have ever had in m life, it is everything, we like the same tv shows, movies, author, we get along so well. He is in an open marriage, but we are not in an open relationship, he sees no one else, neither do I, she has about 6 guys she sees. When she has her dates even if it is her weekend with my boyfriend, he goes and he and the kids come over here. the kids know I am Daddy's girlfriend and they have no problem with that.....

I just am starting to feel resentment, towards him, towards her and i feel like absolute **** because I thought I could do the whole :friends with benefits thing" and i fell in love with him and never intended that to happen.....
how do I deal with the resentment that is starting to build?

I think feeling resentment is a sign you should listen to....the resentment itself isn't the problem, the situation causing the resentment is. The situation surrounding that is what should be dealt with, not finding ways to not be resentful, IMO.

I don't think those types of relationships are for everyone and I think it does take rare people, who have their bearings about them and actually have certain rules and boundaries, to engage such scenarios in a low-damage way. There are folks here in open relationships and from what I have heard, their primary relationship is strong and the outside people are just an "aside", and there is no talk of leaving the marriage, so the rules and boundaries between the outside relationship and the marriage are clearly defined. In your situation, that doesn't seem to be the case and it also doesn't seem to be the usual case that in open marriages, the outside person is a part of the kids' lives...which is a strange dynamic to me. But in any case....

The things you have listed for why you don't want to lose him, are not amazing things. I say this with all sincerity and I have also come to learn that relationships can't just be built on common interests like liking the same books, food, shows, etc and they can't be built on sex, and those are the reasons you've cited for wanting him around. A real, loving relationship requires respect, care, trust, honesty and a compatibility of one's CORE VALUES. If you do not have that with someone, then you may be attached to them, you may be fond of them, you may date them, and even marry them, but the relationship has already been built on faulty premises.

I think you should think about what YOU want for yourself, what would be your ideal relationship and situation and see if this really meets that. Thus far, your resentment seems to be saying NO! I truly don't see the situation mysteriously working itself out soon where you will get him how you want him and the relationship you desire...surely, if the kids are the cause, they aren't going anywhere anytime soon. Be truthful with yourself about what you want and what you can and cannot live with, for a comfortable life. Yes it is scary to let go of something that isn't serving you, but is even more of a tragedy to carry on for an indefinite amount of time in a situation you don't fancy, especially if after all that compromise you still don't get what you TRULY want.

Ask yourself: if NOTHING changes for the next 5 years, will I be happy? Will it be the ultimate? Will I not have resentment? Is it possible for me to find something better?

September 3, 2011

Thank you. You have given me a lot to think about. Yes all the things i said re surface things so to speak. He is a wonderful man and it is just not surface things, I have the utmost respect for him and the feeling is mutual. I trust him completely, which is something I have not been able to do since my divorce, which has nothing to do with him, or our relationship. I think a big part of this whole weird thing is not being able to spend lone time with each other, which we are working on .....

But you are absolutely right about one thing ...do I want to wake up in 5 years and have the situation the same way

Thanks like I said I have some serious thinking to do....

September 3, 2011

thanks, yes part of my fear and his as well is that the true feelings he and I have will come out and then who knows what would happen........he and I communicate all the time, hell we spend more time on the phone when he is out on the road, then they do and I guess i should just quit complaining because we at least that alone time lol

September 3, 2011

I am in a relationship with a man who is married and is in an open marriage. We were friends for a long time and a few months ago, we finally met, it was , that was in March of this year. I knew, understood and accepted the "rules" of this relationship. well, I moved to the same home town he lives in, NOT because of him, I was planning on moving there anyway.

Here is where it gets weird, when i moved here, he and his wife and i have become great friends, his kids and i also get along great as well. She and I have "joint custody" we switch off weekends, one weekend he is at her house, then the other weekend he is at mine. This has worked out until just recently.

Now, a huge part of the problem, is he and I have crossed the "friends with benefits" line about 2 months ago, and our relationship has gone from that to we love each other. He is staying with her because f his kids she is staying with him because of the kids, and they have both told me if it wasnt for the kids they would split up.

He and I have talked abut this and I know the scoop, he said for now this has to be the way it is and I have accepted this, first mistake.

Here is where the problem comes in I miss him, he is OTR truck driver and is usually home on weekends, but last weekend, which was my weekend he had to work, this is her weekend, and she said if he gets all of his honey do list done she doesnt care if he comes over here.

Well, I saw him last night for awhile over at her house and when I lfet he walked me to my car to say good night and I was a total bitch, zi havent been sleeping and i get very emotional when i dont sleep, yes he has something to do with it, but there are other reasons I am not sleeping.

Anyway, when we are together we are not alone, we are either over her house, the kids our at my house or she and the kids are at my house. I keep telling him we need to figure out a way for us to be completely lone for a weekend and he agrees, but doing and saying it are 2 different things.

I don't want to break it off because we get along so well, and it isnt just the sex, which is the best I have ever had in m life, it is everything, we like the same tv shows, movies, author, we get along so well. He is in an open marriage, but we are not in an open relationship, he sees no one else, neither do I, she has about 6 guys she sees. When she has her dates even if it is her weekend with my boyfriend, he goes and he and the kids come over here. the kids know I am Daddy's girlfriend and they have no problem with that.....

I just am starting to feel resentment, towards him, towards her and i feel like absolute **** because I thought I could do the whole :friends with benefits thing" and i fell in love with him and never intended that to happen.....

how do I deal with the resentment that is starting to build?

You deal with the resentment by dropping him. You are getting a bum deal out of this. You are sharing a man with somebody else--only getting part of him, and having to take care of another woman's children. Pretty poor deal for you. Don't you deserve a man that would belong only to you? Why would you settle for being just a side dish and alone at least half the time? There are men out there that can give you the whole package, but as long as you devalue yourself by giving yourself to this MM, you won't get anything better. It's time to start respecting yourself and having normal expectations in a relationship. Time to dump this guy that wants to have his cake and eat it too. And if they are staying together just for the kids, I really pitty those children, growing up with such a screwed up lifestyle and poor role models. Must be very confusing for them.

September 3, 2011

It sounds like they have come to an agreement for the kids sake and have found a way to be open and honest about having other partners. How is their relationship? Is it based on a strong emotional bond? What is YOUR ultimate goal in this situation? Do you want him all to yourself eventually meaning, taking her place as the primary?

There is certainly a lot to think about here, especially since you have crossed an emotional boundary. The way I see it, if you can't accept what you have, then you need to address it with the both of them. Since she is in the picture, you need to go about it in a way where she doesn't feel threatened. You have to be honest about how you feel about him. And, it has to be made clear that she will not lose her primary status in the relationship.

Unless of course you have another agenda in mind? if that is the case then you need to think long and hard about what it is that you really want. If you want more and it means she is at risk, then it is probably best to call it a day, heal and move on. She is afterall, sharing her husband with you, so she deserves complete honesty. That also means you need to accept responsibility for agreeing to be in this relationship. If you want to change the rules, it has to be in a very honest and above board way.

I have to gie you credit though. This is not a situation I could accept. No way. I'm a one guy kinda girl and would not want to be plan B...it's plan A or nothing! That doesn't mean I would have a problem with an exW (especially if kids are involved), it just means there would be boundaries in place.

September 3, 2011

thanks, yes part of my fear and his as well is that the true feelings he and I have will come out and then who knows what would happen........he and I communicate all the time, hell we spend more time on the phone when he is out on the road, then they do and I guess i should just quit complaining because we at least that alone time lol

So, it sounds like you are worrying about balancing the desire to keep some part of the nature of your R secret from his W, with trying to get the W to agree to more time alone. What consequences do you worry about if the true nature of your R was not kept secret? Do you think the W would want it to end? What do you think MM would do? End it? Take it underground?

From the above it seems you think the status quo of not really getting what you want but getting more than you would otherwise is the best solution. If you read on LS, you will see in most cases it doesn't work well to suppress your own needs and desires and squelch your resentment. I'd recommend figuring out what you want and then going for openness and honesty.

September 3, 2011

He is in an open marriage, but we are not in an open relationship, he sees no one else, neither do I, she has about 6 guys she sees. When she has her dates even if it is her weekend with my boyfriend, he goes and he and the kids come over here. the kids know I am Daddy's girlfriend and they have no problem with that.....

Ewww. She's fooling around with numerous guys which basically means that THEIR sexual history is now yours too, because your married 'boyfriend' is probably still fooling around with the wife (whether he admits it or not to you). Jeez.

So how come when it's your weekend to have him, you get stuck with his kids, too? WTF? Sounds to me like all you're really doing is providing a babysitter for HER so she can screw around with her harem of guys every other weekend while you're stuck playing step-mommy. Screw that. I'd rather be celibate.

ETA: and I have to say, these two are imbeciles. They stay together in this dysfunctional marriage "for the children," then subject them to this utter bullsh*t and nastiness of them having 'boyfriends' and 'girlfriends.' The state should step in and take these kids away from these two deviants.

Edited September 3, 2011 by Woman In Blue

September 3, 2011

Well. The honesty and open aspects I applaud.

BUT - I think there are serious boundary issues all over the place between you 3, not to mention all the other parties involved (her boyfriends, the kids, the "mutual friend").

You only just MET this guy a few months ago - and look at the incredible enmeshment you've found yourself in among a plethora of people! People you have JUST MET!!

I promise you that your friendship with his wife may indeed be "great" as you say it is, but you have JUST MET HER; this relationship between you and her is only in superficial stages now and much more will be revealed.

WHY is she entrusting her children to your care when you've just come on the scene? No insult to you intended, but you are a new person in her life.

On top of all of that - he's an OTR trucker! My fiance is one - or, was one when we met. I KNOW what that is all about. Those guys are stretched SO thin if they have any kind of home life at all. Your boyfriend is home weekends (he's lucky if he is actually home EVERY weekend, most are not) and he has a home, a marriage (regardless of its status), kids and their needs, AND a girlfriend to maintain and nurture in a mere handful of hours per month.

Truckersgirl, I think it is an IMPOSSIBLE situation, and I'm exhausted from even reading about it.

There is a lot to say, but I guess for me it boils down to: you have boundary issues galore here, and you are contorting yourself to fit into a situation that's already broken. It can't work this way.

Just for the record, I met my fiance online and knowingly got involved with an OTR trucker. That being said, if we didn't have the "good luck" of his falling and breaking his collarbone immediately after our first date - and needing to take 6 weeks off work because of that - AND his subsequent decision to stop driving long haul and to be home almost every night (at a great financial sacrifice), despite my feelings towards him, I do not believe that we would have been able to establish the bond and the depth to our relationship that we have.

Do you have close friends and/ or family you can talk to about this? You really need to find a way to backpedal OUT of this entanglement with all the other parties and just focus on your relationship with the man, if it's possible. "Open relationship" or not, there is no room for anything in such close quarters.

September 3, 2011

ETA: and I have to say, these two are imbeciles. They stay together in this dysfunctional marriage "for the children," then subject them to this utter bullsh*t and nastiness of them having 'boyfriends' and 'girlfriends.' The state should step in and take these kids away from these two deviants.

I'm afraid I'll have to agree with you on this. "For the children" - yet the husband's brand new girlfriend moves into town and immediately becomes stepmommy? Does not sound like the children's best interests are considered at all.

It DOES sound like the wife is sick and tired of being a single parent / single woman married to an OTR trucker, and is making him pay for it.

September 3, 2011

You either need to accept things as they are and be okay/happy sharing him with his wife or walk away. That's the bottomline here, so sooner or later you may need to make a decision, especially if you want marriage, children and a life built with someone..Sadly in your case, it doesn't really seem like he's actually going to divorce his wife and be with you full time.

September 3, 2011

I am in a relationship with a man who is married and is in an open marriage. We were friends for a long time and a few months ago, we finally met, it was , that was in March of this year. I knew, understood and accepted the "rules" of this relationship. well, I moved to the same home town he lives in, NOT because of him, I was planning on moving there anyway.

I take it you were 'friends online' but hadn't met face to face? this is how you've made it seem, first time you "met" him was about 6 months ago.. You really don't know this man well..

September 3, 2011

Ewww. She's fooling around with numerous guys which basically means that THEIR sexual history is now yours too, because your married 'boyfriend' is probably still fooling around with the wife (whether he admits it or not to you). Jeez.

So how come when it's your weekend to have him, you get stuck with his kids, too? WTF? Sounds to me like all you're really doing is providing a babysitter for HER so she can screw around with her harem of guys every other weekend while you're stuck playing step-mommy. Screw that. I'd rather be celibate.

ETA: and I have to say, these two are imbeciles. They stay together in this dysfunctional marriage "for the children," then subject them to this utter bullsh*t and nastiness of them having 'boyfriends' and 'girlfriends.' The state should step in and take these kids away from these two deviants.

Didn't even think about that....but yes that is indeed a part of the equation. If the wife is fooling around with 6 men sexually, that can't be good, and if he still has sex with her and the OP with him...wellll.....

September 3, 2011

Ewww. She's fooling around with numerous guys which basically means that THEIR sexual history is now yours too, because your married 'boyfriend' is probably still fooling around with the wife (whether he admits it or not to you). Jeez.

So how come when it's your weekend to have him, you get stuck with his kids, too? WTF? Sounds to me like all you're really doing is providing a babysitter for HER so she can screw around with her harem of guys every other weekend while you're stuck playing step-mommy. Screw that. I'd rather be celibate.

ETA: and I have to say, these two are imbeciles. They stay together in this dysfunctional marriage "for the children," then subject them to this utter bullsh*t and nastiness of them having 'boyfriends' and 'girlfriends.' The state should step in and take these kids away from these two deviants.

Ditto.

And sorry but he isn't your boyfriend. He is a married man.

Why not just tell the wife you two are "in love"?

The damage being done to these kids is sickening ! No o e here gives a gamn about them so all of you stop using them as an excuse. The parents are abusing their children by making them think it is NOrMAL for mo. And dad to screw other people. Both parents need parenting classes big time.

September 3, 2011

I think what is making it so hard is she doesn't want him, period, there is no good emotions or good feedback ...she has told me over and over how he and I make such a great couple and that if she had to pick someone for him, she wouldn't be able to pick a better person then me, because she knows I make him happy and she trusts me with the kids. She doesn't have a problem with being replaced in his affections, she has a problem with him not giving her his whole paycheck, doing things around the house and she has said over and over again, they can't afford to get a divorce, because neither has the money

September 4, 2011

yes, we were friends on line/phone/text for about 2 years before we actually met face to face in March

September 4, 2011

I think what is making it so hard is she doesn't want him, period, there is no good emotions or good feedback ...she has told me over and over how he and I make such a great couple and that if she had to pick someone for him, she wouldn't be able to pick a better person then me, because she knows I make him happy and she trusts me with the kids. She doesn't have a problem with being replaced in his affections, she has a problem with him not giving her his whole paycheck, doing things around the house and she has said over and over again, they can't afford to get a divorce, because neither has the money

This still doesn't change things. They've chosen this life and you either accept your role in his or break up with him and walk away. Painful but things will be MORE painful for you if you choose to stay.

Fact still is, you don't really know him that well. She does. History, kids, a life built together isn't easy to give up for someone he barely knows, even if he feels "it" for you.

September 4, 2011

I took my time and I read… even went back a couple a times to make sure I was seeing correctly. My perspective on the situation is that you are being USED. Not by one person but two. He is using you and his wife is using you. To be in the open marriage game you have to have an open mind and you might think you were capable but now you know you are not. You are NOT a woman who is a f*ck buddy. This is not friends with benefits. You are being USED… You are the house playing wife, the house maid, the babysitter, his and hers dispenser….the concubine without benefits.

This situation is only going to get worse. You have two selfish individuals who are sucking you dry and trust me he is not worth it. Believe me I can find a man in your home town that can work it better than he can. No matter what you think you can handle you are risking playing the waiting game. They both agree that they should not be together but they will be for the sake of the children. A child who knows of your existence can cope with being in a new environment because as young as they are they have already been exposed. That reasoning he has used is worthless. Mommy has 6 boyfriends and daddy has 1 girlfriend. Trust me honey those kids know more about life than you do. Love him, fine. Love yourself and your children more before his wife magically passes an unfriendly STD your way.

September 4, 2011

I ask you very sincerely:

Aside from your love for this guy, what about this situation is actually GOOD for you?

What else do you have going on in your life besides this truly dysfunctional situation?

September 4, 2011

I'm afraid I'll have to agree with you on this. "For the children" - yet the husband's brand new girlfriend moves into town and immediately becomes stepmommy? Does not sound like the children's best interests are considered at all.

It DOES sound like the wife is sick and tired of being a single parent / single woman married to an OTR trucker, and is making him pay for it.

I agree with all of this...esp the part about the wife clearly being sick of having the kids all week.

But, if your guy is away all week, wouldn't he want to have his kids on the weekend?

And were the kids sent home with mom unexpectedly at 11:30 at night?!

It sounds like both parents are dying to shove the kids off on the other

I kind of see this like you are dating a single dad (albeit with an odd living arrangement). The kids are going to come first. Assume that his kids will be around unless he makes other arrangements for their care. Assume that the flaky mom can NOT be counted on for their care (not all that uncommon in divorced relationships). If you want time alone, hire a babysitter and have a nice evening out.

If you want a weekend alone, date a guy without kids. This guy and his kids are a package deal.

September 4, 2011

Sleep more peacefully, date someone who does not inspire resentment and resolve that there are plenty of other men out there who are not in this 'family' situation with whom you can have 'great sex'.

Given his home life, if he's anything like the men of my generation I've known over the years who drive, he's got a black book and a little 'comfort' wherever his travels take him. Think about that. As a man, why would I be celibate during the week while out on the road when my wife is having 'relations' with multiple partners?

OP, what is your 'arrangement' with him? Are you exclusive? How does he feel about you dating other men?

Anyone can afford to get a divorce. The court will even help with the costs and provide human help in some cases. BTDT. We even got free mediation and settlement preparation from a local law school.

Myself, I'd have some marked resentment for this apparent polygamous lifestyle, no matter how it is 'explained'. YMMV.

September 5, 2011

First I would like to thank all of you for your input and the time taken for responding....and also thanks to all for the great advice....it has certainly made me take a hard look at this so called relationship I am in.

Yes, he and I are exclusive, he has no problem with me going out for coffee or lunch or even dinner with others, however, he also knows that I won't and never in my life have had multiple sexual partners, although the eeewwwwww factor has been brought up and even though he and I are exclusive and she is not, so if ya think about it, I do have multiple partners. Although she has told me she uses condoms and he and I do as well. No excuse, it is what it is.....

As for being used, yep, I sure am, I know when you get involved with someone who has kids, it is a package, I have three srepkids, 2 granddughters and a brand new grandson, even though my husband and I split, they still call me Mom and grandma. So I have been down the road with kids, but I am a babysitter and Mom to his kids, because even when it is suppose to be our weekend together and one of her guys gets in touch with her on a Saturday morning, she drops the kids over here and then when she picks them up the next day she will come y around 11 and hang out till 6 or so, which means they are always around. Perfect example is right now, we had plans for the day around 1 I was going to pick him up, we wee gonna go hang out for a bit at the beach, then come back here......I texted him at 140 and said do you have any idea what time you want me to pick you up nd he sid not yet because he is busy, busy, cleaning her house. It is now 3:40 and so I figure I will pick him up around 6, so there goes the walk on the beach, we will eat dinner and watch some tv, then off to bed, because he needs to be at his truck by 5 a.m., which I will drop him off then he is back on the road for the rest of the week.......so yeah I do feel like I am being used and by both, we have seen each other this weekend over there and he keeps asking me if I am mad.......well I am damn mad now and I am not not only mad at him right now but mad with myself because, when I knew things were going over the line of just friends with benefits, I should have put a friggin stop to it, but I didn't. Now, I think it is time too, this is making me more miserable then I ever imagined and I just need to make the final decision it is going to hurt more to say good bye or is it going to hurt more to stay in this relationship with him .........

Again, thanks to everyone who has given me advice and taken the time to do so........it really has opened my eyes and I think I m seeing things a lot more clearly

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