How to be supportive of an ex when she has a new guy but she doesnt know that i know?

[mindgame13]

My ex split up with me because i wasnt showing her enough of my love she would always do everything for me. Now i realise what a mistake i have made i was with her for nearly 2 years. She had moved onto her new guy few days after we broke up. I know this i a rebound relationship, this has now been going on now for around 3 weeks, she has kept it very quiet and noone really knows about it. One of her best friends told me as they had a fall out. I love this girl enough not to get pissed off with her as if i were in her boat. i would of done the same. I want to be supportive of it, like im not jealous about it really hard to be believe. Everyone may think i am being stupid. I am in the process of n/c atm i have been no contact with her for around 11 days and i she got a second chance letter i sent her couple days ago. I am debating on what i should do next i am really willing to do anything because we worked so well and the reason we broke up was my fault. Any thoughts people thanks

[silly_panda]

Man... Your story is so much similar like mine... Was my fault for not caring, she left, found a new guy a few days after... The only difference is that she actually told me she accepted this new guy...

 

My humble opinion, don't bother about her... Go full NC and move on yourself... Yes... I know you really wan her back... You probably blaming yoursself for all the stupid little things you did that contributed to the break up... You are thinking that if you change those things then it will really work out... You might get that second chance and you might not...

 

The reality is... She is now with another guy... And she is not with you... What does that mean..? Rite now, she is more happy being with the new guy than being with you... If not you wouldn't have broken up in the first place...

 

While she is having the time of her life and you being there to support her..? Uh uh... Not a good idea... In fact that's the worst thing that you could do... It's a rebound relationship... So what..? Rebound relationship does work... Just not a very high probability...

 

Try reading other post here on rebound relationships... And you will know why hanging around is a really bad idea... Well... I really hope you get back your girl man... I really know how you feel... But rite now... She chose him over you... Means you are number 2 now...

 

Go NC, work on yourself... Move on... Keep this in your mind: you don't know if she is ever gonna come back, but, take it as she will never come back... Just don't think about her anymore... The more you think the more you will get hurt... What she does is none of your business... Love yourself... Hang in there man...

[mindgame13]

yeah im still not giving up hope tho i sent her the letter and the earlier she would of got it would have been thurs, im gonna leave it couple weeks for me to work on myself and then im gonna try and contact her in couple weeks

[silly_panda]

Yea... Concentrate on yourself first...

 

One more thing... Contact her only when you are ready alrite..? Keep us updated...

[wyrllish]

Also in a similar situation and it is so much more tricky than if you were the needy/clingy one and got dumped. General rule there is NC and play it cool. That is SO EASY imo and has worked for me in the past.

 

Here you have to juggle between NC/LC and kind of hope for the best. With another person in the picture it complicates so much more. What really matters is if the person is finding anything real with the new person. Obviously it is all situational but this is the biggest hurdle.

 

I'm debating whether or not to send her a letter and her bd gift I was making before all this happened. If I do send it I had planned on letting things be after that. If no response then I would do NC I suppose.

 

That's what I'm planning on doing at least.

[silly_panda]

I really don't know if you should send that out man... For me rite now... I love myself more than I love her... I will let myself heal and move on first...

[pd8mxq]

Hello there,

 

I havent been on here for a few months now and I saw your post. Thought I want to send a reply.

 

Every breakup situation is more or less the same. Your and mind are very similar and I am sure it is very similar to all other dumper's stories. For your reference, my breakup of a 8 year relationship happened 9 months ago. And he found someone new a few days after. You can call it a rebound, but look, they are still together after 9 months....

 

I agree with panda, you are probably thinking if you change a few things, you'd get a second chance. But the point is, your girl now is with someone else new. I don't want to say you are number 2. It is your choice whether to be a number 2 or not and I do not think your ex (at this moment) is debating whether to choose between you or the new guy. She left you and has not indicated since then about the possibility of you two. So technically, she is not being unfair.

 

In terms of hanging around, I have been doing that. To tell you the truth, when I think sensibly, I think I have been stupid and it is not the right move. But when you are the person involve, it is hard to use your sense. Because you love her so much, your heart very often overrights what your head thinks. I am not saying your head is always right but for you to get better, you should do what your head says.

 

Your heart probably tells you, as you hang around, she can see your change and if they do not work, you can be the first guy there. Now, this is your assumption, it might not be hers. Even though if her current situation does not work, she might not still want to come back.

 

So for you not to be hurt, I do not recomend sticking around because you will find out things, stories about them two. And it kills when you do. As 9 months went by, I have been hurt from time to time of the things that my ex does. He did not do them delibrately but the fact that I am around, I just happened to find out and it hurts.

 

I am happy to discuss a bit more and I would try and help. But just be strong, it is going to be fine as time goes.

[mindgame13]

i havent been on her for a while been pretty good recently, i no she with a new guy now but she hides it all on facebook so i cant see it, i did try and speak to her around two weeks ago if she wanted to meet up and she said she would let me know, she never got in contact and i havent spoken to her since, but when i was over my mates couple days ago. his girlfriend is her best mate and even though she is happy with her new guy, she said she hopes hes a rebound ? i havent ever heard of suitation like this ?

[antz2411]

you disappear. thats how you be supportive

[R32]

What sort of reaction are you REALLY expecting from sending out the gift? You ****ed up, she's moved on let it be.

 

If you really want to be supportive, disappear. By sending her this stuff, or being around you're causing unnecessary drama for yourself and her relationship.

 

I doubt you're going to send that stuff out, and be fine with no reaction.

 

Learn your lesson from this relationship, and apply it to the next.