jordjones Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 My story is reflected in several recent posts, but essentially my ex broke up with me after an 8 month LDR (12 months total) because she "just didn't feel the same way anymore..." and "loves me but lost passion..." My situation got me thinking: are fading feelings, loss of passion, or falling out of love the same in an LDR vs. a standard relationship? It would seem that the lack of physical interaction usually plays a huge role when feelings fade in LDRs; and this would seemingly rarely be a factor in a standard relationship. Lastly, after about 40 days NC, I have moved back to the same area as her. To my knowledge she is still single. I'm improving myself but want to reignite the flame. I would think that my chances are better since the spark faded with distance being a large factor (she even said that). What should my game plan be? Any responds would be helpful. Thanks!
silly_panda Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 I was in a 2years LDR too... And she said she can't feel that I love her... Yea... Physical contact does play a great roll in relationship and for LDR, the lack of that really plays a great impact... It really depends on the reason of the break up... Why did she lost feelings and all... If you know the reason and it's something that can be fix, then it should be all good... In your case, since she is still single and you are back in town... And you are feeling confident with yourself... I would say... Yea... Go for it... Game plan..? Just be yourself (the one that she fall in love with) plus the newly improved you... If she is still interested, you will know... Good luck...
Author jordjones Posted September 3, 2011 Author Posted September 3, 2011 Thanks Panda! I guess I am a little concerned about the timing. Following breakup, I drove back home to chase her for 10 days - we went on a few dates, she was up and down and eventually said, "passion isn't there..." She wanted to remain friends and I declined. Of course, at that time, it was assumed that I was living 1500 miles away. She contacted me once during NC to talk about job issues, I responded, delayed but supportive. She was very appreciative. I guess my confidence isn't completely back yet. The chase took a toll on my psyche, without question. Plus, she knows that I am back in the area (from my mom on Facebook). I'm leaning towards giving it a few more weeks. Should I just wait for her to contact me, since she knows I'm back? It just seems that these LDRs bring up significantly different dynamics than standard relationships.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 I wouldn't contact her right away, that would look needy/desperate. Wait a while before contacting her, this will give her enough time to contact you if she wants. set up a game plan for yourself like panda mentioned, be yourself but with your new/improved qualities. Also incorporate a plan of action if she doesn't contact you, such as: "if she doesn't contact me in X weeks/month(s), I will call her". Best of Luck
silly_panda Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Yea... Totally agree with HeartOfAPhoenix... Girls can really feel it when you are desperate or needy even though you thought you have it under control... Take some time off... Be yourself again... They always say: the best way to get back your ex is when you are completely over them... Hard to do... I know... But for the time being, don't put her as your priority... Focus on yourself and you improving yourself... Really wanna hear some good news from you... Keep us updated...
Author jordjones Posted September 3, 2011 Author Posted September 3, 2011 Thanks guys. Great bit about the game plan. I think I'm either going to wait till the 22nd, which would be the a full 60 days, or until October 1st - the date of my LSAT. Kicking the test in the balls will be as good of a confidence booster as any. I am not too concerned with her willingness to meet up - she wanted to remain friends anyhow. It'll just be interesting to see how things pan out. I think playing it cool will be of the utmost importance, which the 60 days of NC should allow me to do. My expectations won't be very high. I mean, even if we were to get back together, it would need to take place over a period of time to avoid future problems - I'm at terms that there is a long road ahead. And, of course, maybe she has checked out for good - maybe I should behave under this assumption. But she was always more into me than I was her, and I was extremely good to her. We shall see!
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