richardwordoff Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 I have a question about social interactions. I wasn't hitting on this girl or anything, just having a conversation. I've been eating at a local restaurant the past two weekends. I was walking around my college campus this week and actually ended up walking past one of the hostesses, who smiled at me. When I went there to eat today I waited to be seated and when she was taking us back to the table I said "did I see you in the student union the other day?" to which she replied "oh yeah, I thought I knew you from somewhere". Anyway, when I was leaving she was reading one of the appetizer cards or something and I said "are you so bored you're reading that?" She laughed and said "no, we actually have to memorize this stuff so I'm doing a little studying." I then asked her if she ever went to one of the local movie houses and proceeded to tell her about some of the stuff we had to memorize/do when I worked there. I was in mid sentence when some customers came in and she had to go seat them. I wanted to finish what I was saying so I waited a few minutes for her to get back (sitting down on the bench messing with my phone, etc.) and then said: "anyway, what I was saying was" at which point another group came in and she kind of motioned at me to wait a second, to which I responded with a very casual "apology" since she was busy working. Then I sat there for a few more minutes to try again. When she came back I tried to talk to her again but she did not hear me initially and then yet another group came in. At this point I just got up and left. Like I said, I wasn't trying to hit on this girl at all. While she was friendly and didn't act weirded out by me at all, I don't think she was showing signs of interest beyond that. All that being said, did I do anything socially inappropriate? Should I have left after the first break in the conversation? Should I have left after the second break in the conversation? I imagine sitting there waiting for her to come back for too long would be kind of weird even if I still had my cool (wasn't acting nervous or appearing to be flirty; just finishing what I was saying and then saying bye). Thanks.
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 (edited) Having been a hostess (and also server)... I would say it was inappropriate. I've had men slip me their numbers or leave them on their table with unnecessarily large tips or ask me when my shift ends, what I'm doing later or if I have a break coming up soon. Something like that may have been more tactful (if you wanted to converse with her more and better have her attention...) Although, some places encourage their employees to engage in conversation with the customers but... if it can't be something that's multi-tasked and kept light and short (unless it's a regular but even then, multi-tasking it is best [unless things are slow]), it's better to wait until the work shift is over/paused. That's just my opinion though... Edited September 3, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall
D-Lish Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Let's just clear up the fact the you weren't hitting on her- you were trying to- you are interested right? The fact that when you were leaving she stuck her face into a menu and pretended she didn't see you leaving isn't a good sign. If I was attracted to someone I'd make eye-contact as they were leaving to give them the green light.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 It all sounds innocuous to me. I wouldn't assume she buried her face in a menu to escape you. You seemed to have a conversation that became unsustainable because her duties called. If I'm not mistaken you left after it appeared you'd be in the way. You didn't hit on her, so, nothing to worry about.
D-Lish Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 It all sounds innocuous to me. I wouldn't assume she buried her face in a menu to escape you. You seemed to have a conversation that became unsustainable because her duties called. If I'm not mistaken you left after it appeared you'd be in the way. You didn't hit on her, so, nothing to worry about. Yes he did- he sat on a bench waiting for her to come back trying to engage her. Yes- duty calls, but she stuck her nose in a menu when he was leaving- not a good sign from a woman's perspective. I would have made eye contact as he was leaving if I was attracted to him- and let's face it, she gets hit on all the time in her position...
robertdawson Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 (edited) That looks bad dude. Edited September 3, 2011 by robertdawson
Author richardwordoff Posted September 3, 2011 Author Posted September 3, 2011 (edited) You aren't listening. I was not hitting on her, I was having a conversation with her. Today when I was there I got the call buzzer from her and didn't even speak to her or look her way while I was waiting to be seated. Like I said, I only commented on seeing her on campus before the other conversation. It may very well have come off that way but all I was trying to do was wrap up my conversation. Where did you get that she buried her face in a menu? She was leaning up against the wall next to the hostess table when I was walking up the front and I commented on her reading one of the cardboard stands they have on the tables. It's not like I was on my way out the door and she stuck it up in her face when I walked by. If that is what she did then it wouldn't have made any sense why she would have smiled at me on campus or smiled at me when she walked by the table where I was sitting. I don't think she was acting unfriendly OR acting interested. Anyway, if waiting for her to come back was bad, what should I do next time I eat there? I HATE women thinking I was hitting on them when I wasn't trying to. I guess all I can do is just get the call buzzer and wait like normal and just say bye to her on the way out. D-Lish: I don't want to jump to a conclusion about you, but you seem like the type of girl that thinks any time a guy even speaks to her he is flirting with her, which isn't true. If I'm interested in a girl I'm talking to I will ask personal questions (not "where do you live" kind of creepy questions). If I'm just having a conversation I'll comment on something and that will be it. For example, if I had finished up my sentence with this girl today I wouldn't have tried to drag the conversation out by asking her about other stuff. At another restaurant about a month ago I was talking to a hostess and waited like a minute for her to get back after seating people and she came back and talked to me for 5-10 more minutes. She even went as far as getting the other hostess to seat the next group (whether it was because she wanted to talk to me or just didn't want to seat someone again I don't know). It didn't seem weird to this girl and she wasn't interested in me physically/romantically because I asked her out the next time I saw her and she didn't want to do anything with me. This time I WAS hitting on the girl, but it should have been obvious to her because I asked her for her name, about her major, her high school, etc. (all in the flow of normal conversation that is, not randomly). Edited September 3, 2011 by richardwordoff
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 (edited) You aren't listening. I was not hitting on her, I was having a conversation with her. Today when I was there I got the call buzzer from her and didn't even speak to her or look her way while I was waiting to be seated. Like I said, I only commented on seeing her on campus before the other conversation. It may very well have come off that way but all I was trying to do was wrap up my conversation. Where did you get that she buried her face in a menu? She was leaning up against the wall next to the hostess table when I was walking up the front and I commented on her reading one of the cardboard stands they have on the tables. It's not like I was on my way out the door and she stuck it up in her face when I walked by. If that is what she did then it wouldn't have made any sense why she would have smiled at me on campus or smiled at me when she walked by the table where I was sitting. I don't think she was acting unfriendly OR acting interested. Anyway, if waiting for her to come back was bad, what should I do next time I eat there? I HATE women thinking I was hitting on them when I wasn't trying to. I guess all I can do is just get the call buzzer and wait like normal and just say bye to her on the way out. D-Lish: I don't want to jump to a conclusion about you, but you seem like the type of girl that thinks any time a guy even speaks to her he is flirting with her, which isn't true. If I'm interested in a girl I'm talking to I will ask personal questions (not "where do you live" kind of creepy questions). If I'm just having a conversation I'll comment on something and that will be it. For example, if I had finished up my sentence with this girl today I wouldn't have tried to drag the conversation out by asking her about other stuff. At another restaurant about a month ago I was talking to a hostess and waited like a minute for her to get back after seating people and she came back and talked to me for 5-10 more minutes. She even went as far as getting the other hostess to seat the next group (whether it was because she wanted to talk to me or just didn't want to seat someone again I don't know). It didn't seem weird to this girl and I could tell she wasn't interested in me physically/romantically. This time I WAS hitting on the girl, but it should have been obvious to her because I asked her for her name, about her major, her high school, etc. (all in the flow of normal conversation that is, not randomly). what compelled you to wait multiple times then? Just to finish a light conversation, that's it? You sure you're being honest with yourself? If you are... then who cares if she thinks you were hitting on her. If you know you weren't, what does it really change? Eat where you want to eat. I could see avoiding it if you feel awkward and "rejected" but... otherwise... even then... (also, sometimes girls will smile at guys because they're nervous and or because it's their job. Not because they're attracted to someone / interested in conversing with them outside of their job etc...) also... I would say you should have left after you apologized... regardless of your intentions... Edited September 3, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall
D-Lish Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 D-Lish: I don't want to jump to a conclusion about you, but you seem like the type of girl that thinks any time a guy even speaks to her he is flirting with her, which isn't true. So what was your intention in waiting on the bench then while she was obviously busy? Just looking to add her to your friend group for no reason? Go ahead and jump to the conclusion- any guy that sits at my work and waits for a moment to engage me in any way is trying to get somewhere with me (or her in your case). If it's simply an insignificant meeting- why start a thread on the internet over it?
Author richardwordoff Posted September 3, 2011 Author Posted September 3, 2011 Well, as odd as it sounds actually all I was trying to do was add her to the "friend" circle. I'm basically in a mode now where I'm just practicing talking to women and honing my social skills. If she was at all interested physically/romantically at that point I think I would have noticed something. Well I started the thread because I started to think about it and was questioning whether or not it was a bad idea so I can do better in the future. OnyxSnowfall: As odd as that sounds, yes I was just trying to finish my sentence. I know it doesn't make any sense. I care what she thinks because I don't want every girl I talk to to think I'm hitting on them and am desperate for their attention. Even though I don't want to, I'm just working on being friends with girls so that every time a girl talks to me I don't start thinking "oh man, she's gonna date me!" Also, if I talk to enough girls I'll have a better understanding of what interested ones do and what friendly ones do. What do you have to say about the other hostess I was talking about, how I waited for her and she came back and kept talking to me? The next time I went in there she brought up that I had mentioned I knew a guy she knew so she had remembered who I was and was friendly.... at least until I asked her out. This doesn't apply to today, but if you ARE hitting on a girl (like the hostess) what is appropriate? Is waiting a little bit appropriate? What do you do? If you were talking to someone how would you be able to tell if they were interested?
Feelin Frisky Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Yes he did- he sat on a bench waiting for her to come back trying to engage her. Yes- duty calls, but she stuck her nose in a menu when he was leaving- not a good sign from a woman's perspective. I would have made eye contact as he was leaving if I was attracted to him- and let's face it, she gets hit on all the time in her position... I tend to err on the side of the postive. I called it as I saw it. You called as you did. No thang. Surely servers get hit on, but unless I misread, these two had something in common outside of that setting that made for casual conversation. No harm done. Perhaps he didn't split as quickly as might be ideal, but I don't see that he made a nuisance.
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