beatnikki Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 (edited) At the beginning of July, a guy from an online dating site kept messaging me even when I would not reply to his messages (mainlybecause of an 11 year age difference, him being younger). I sent him a note saying that I thought he was cute and sweet but too young and wished him well. A couple of days went on and again, he started with the messages asking me togive him a chance. He seemed sincere and as we got messaging I found him to bemore mature than I had expected so I entertained it. At one point I asked out of curiosity why he wasn't interested in girls in his age bracket. Now I realize they were probably just lines but he told me that he would get bored easily as he would know what to expect from them and couldn't stand that girls his age are always on their cell phones texting and that they like playing mind games. He also said that most of the girls his age (23) want to always go out and he's looking for something laid back which he thinks an older lady could give him, rotfl! So stupid me, gave him my #. He called me that evening and every day onward, texting me constantly, then we met up. Our meeting went well, a little too wellif you know what i mean. Certainly no regrets here, lol! I resigned to the fact that we probably wouldn't be seeing each other again, that it was more likelyto be a one-night-stand. But to my surprise, he came on stronger after that. For an entire month we spent almost every night together. I let him make all the calls and texts. He'd send me sweet messages on the dating site as well. We cooked for each other, he loved playing with my dog, we'd go out for drinks to local pubs, went clubbing, watched movies and downloaded stupid Youtube videos. He would make the bed in the mornings and tidy up. In the evening he would stop off to get fruits and goodies and cigarettes for me whenever he’d come over. I met a couple of his friends. If his friends called while we were out together, he'd tell them he was with me. When he'd call me while he was out with his friends (usually to make plans to come and see me), he was so happy and expressed how much he missed me. Around the first week of August I started to notice some changes in his behaviour, not towards me but more to do with his lifestyle. He stopped working, he wasn't exercising as much, he was smoking (cigs and pot) and drinking a lot and complaining that his energy levels were not the same. His phone had also got disconnected around this time. He called me from his brother's phone one evening to talk, and sent me a few messages on the dating site to let me know what he's been up to and seeing how me and my dog were doing. I didn't answer these messages as I felt he could have tried to call me using a payphone or a friend’s phone. Then around the second week of August, he didn't contact me fo r3 days, this after him sticking to me like glue for an entire month. I didn't do or say anything to him mainly because i had no other way to contact him other than through the dating site and I wasnt keen on using that source, it just seemed wrong since we were beyond that site now. Low and behold he sends me a sweet message indicating how sorry he was and that he misses me and assured me that he really cares for me and hoped I wasn't upset with him but that he was preparing for his trip for that weekend and that he would be in touch signing off with hugs and kisses. I replied to this one stating that I wished he had called me to tell me this instead of doing it through the dating site. The weekend came and went and then on the Tues or Wed I get a message from him saying his phone was still disconnected and that he was recovering and feeling hung over from his trip. I then responded in kind saying that I missed him a lot and told him what I had been up to and wished him to feel better soon. No reply from him. Then I followed up 2 days later with a simple ,hi how are you message. No reply back to that one either. It’s now been 2 weeks with no word. I haven’t made any further attempts to contact him. I have only been on the dating site a handful of times since my last message to him and at one point he removed all his photos yet was still logging on daily. I thought that was weird! He hasn’t blocked me or removed the emails I previously sent him. I mention that only because I've found that with others who I’ve gone on dates with they will generally delete read messages if we didn't click, or even go to the extent of blocking. There’s a part of me that thinks he may have done that to get my attention and here’s why; when we were together I told him that I would go on the site just to view his pictures and keep them on my cellphone so I could look at them during the day (I know, how lame, but I’m a romantic at heart, lol).He has since put a couple of pics back up, and they are the two that I told him were my favorite He still logs in daily. So this is where I’m at and I miss him. Could it be that I was too aloof because I didn’t reply to some of his messages so he thought I wasn’t that interested, although if it’s one thing I’ve learned with experience is that chasing a guy is the fastest way to lose him. Could he have been trying to play hard to get? I also thought that maybe during his trip he had some time to think and backed off or met someone else, but then I don’t think he would have sent me that reassuring email that he cares a lot for me and that I should not doubt it (his words). I don’t think I scared him away after all I was non-judgmental, non-intrusive or clingy and the sex was just incredible. I’m just dumbfounded. Any thoughts and/or advice? Thx. Edited September 3, 2011 by beatnikki
daphne Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 I don't think you chased him off. He got flakey, and you responded well to it. He is even flakier. He's not interested in pursuing it any longer, but I think he liked the chase. Something or someone may have come up that peaked his interest more. He very well may come back around and try to make it up to you, but I'd keep moving on this one. I think your instincts were spot on. It didn't sound like you gave him a hard time, and you didn't accept any half assed nonsense. Good for you. I would keep looking.
D-Lish Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Very honest opinion? You got played, write him off.
KathyM Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 At the beginning of July, a guy from an online dating site kept messaging me even when I would not reply to his messages (mainlybecause of an 11 year age difference, him being younger). I sent him a note saying that I thought he was cute and sweet but too young and wished him well. A couple of days went on and again, he started with the messages asking me togive him a chance. He seemed sincere and as we got messaging I found him to bemore mature than I had expected so I entertained it. At one point I asked out of curiosity why he wasn't interested in girls in his age bracket. Now I realize they were probably just lines but he told me that he would get bored easily as he would know what to expect from them and couldn't stand that girls his age are always on their cell phones texting and that they like playing mind games. He also said that most of the girls his age (23) want to always go out and he's looking for something laid back which he thinks an older lady could give him, rotfl! So stupid me, gave him my #. He called me that evening and every day onward, texting me constantly, then we met up. Our meeting went well, a little too wellif you know what i mean. Certainly no regrets here, lol! I resigned to the fact that we probably wouldn't be seeing each other again, that it was more likelyto be a one-night-stand. But to my surprise, he came on stronger after that. For an entire month we spent almost every night together. I let him make all the calls and texts. He'd send me sweet messages on the dating site as well. We cooked for each other, he loved playing with my dog, we'd go out for drinks to local pubs, went clubbing, watched movies and downloaded stupid Youtube videos. He would make the bed in the mornings and tidy up. In the evening he would stop off to get fruits and goodies and cigarettes for me whenever he’d come over. I met a couple of his friends. If his friends called while we were out together, he'd tell them he was with me. When he'd call me while he was out with his friends (usually to make plans to come and see me), he was so happy and expressed how much he missed me. Around the first week of August I started to notice some changes in his behaviour, not towards me but more to do with his lifestyle. He stopped working, he wasn't exercising as much, he was smoking (cigs and pot) and drinking a lot and complaining that his energy levels were not the same. His phone had also got disconnected around this time. He called me from his brother's phone one evening to talk, and sent me a few messages on the dating site to let me know what he's been up to and seeing how me and my dog were doing. I didn't answer these messages as I felt he could have tried to call me using a payphone or a friend’s phone. Then around the second week of August, he didn't contact me fo r3 days, this after him sticking to me like glue for an entire month. I didn't do or say anything to him mainly because i had no other way to contact him other than through the dating site and I wasnt keen on using that source, it just seemed wrong since we were beyond that site now. Low and behold he sends me a sweet message indicating how sorry he was and that he misses me and assured me that he really cares for me and hoped I wasn't upset with him but that he was preparing for his trip for that weekend and that he would be in touch signing off with hugs and kisses. I replied to this one stating that I wished he had called me to tell me this instead of doing it through the dating site. The weekend came and went and then on the Tues or Wed I get a message from him saying his phone was still disconnected and that he was recovering and feeling hung over from his trip. I then responded in kind saying that I missed him a lot and told him what I had been up to and wished him to feel better soon. No reply from him. Then I followed up 2 days later with a simple ,hi how are you message. No reply back to that one either. It’s now been 2 weeks with no word. I haven’t made any further attempts to contact him. I have only been on the dating site a handful of times since my last message to him and at one point he removed all his photos yet was still logging on daily. I thought that was weird! He hasn’t blocked me or removed the emails I previously sent him. I mention that only because I've found that with others who I’ve gone on dates with they will generally delete read messages if we didn't click, or even go to the extent of blocking. There’s a part of me that thinks he may have done that to get my attention and here’s why; when we were together I told him that I would go on the site just to view his pictures and keep them on my cellphone so I could look at them during the day (I know, how lame, but I’m a romantic at heart, lol).He has since put a couple of pics back up, and they are the two that I told him were my favorite He still logs in daily. So this is where I’m at and I miss him. Could it be that I was too aloof because I didn’t reply to some of his messages so he thought I wasn’t that interested, although if it’s one thing I’ve learned with experience is that chasing a guy is the fastest way to lose him. Could he have been trying to play hard to get? I also thought that maybe during his trip he had some time to think and backed off or met someone else, but then I don’t think he would have sent me that reassuring email that he cares a lot for me and that I should not doubt it (his words). I don’t think I scared him away after all I was non-judgmental, non-intrusive or clingy and the sex was just incredible. I’m just dumbfounded. Any thoughts and/or advice? Thx. It doesn't normally work out between a younger man and a much older woman. He may start something just for fun, but he's usually not thinking in the long term when he starts something with a much older woman. Sounds like your relationship has run its course and he's thinking of moving on to the next one, if he hasn't already.
FitChick Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 It doesn't normally work out between a younger man and a much older woman. An 11 year age gap is "bigger" in your twenties than in your forties and older. I've dated men 15 years younger and we were "on the same page" in terms of life experiences and goals. In this case, sounds like he wanted to bag a cougar. He got his trophy and moved on.
D-Lish Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 An 11 year age gap is "bigger" in your twenties than in your forties and older. I've dated men 15 years younger and we were "on the same page" in terms of life experiences and goals. In this case, sounds like he wanted to bag a cougar. He got his trophy and moved on. I agree with you.
Recommended Posts