Buttercup84 Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Ok I might be old fashioned and weird , but I can't understand how someone can get into a relationship so soon after a break up . I know that the dumper moved on long ago , but how often can you find someone so special ? If I dumped my ex I would be single for a long time , and only be with someone where I feel something great.I dont want a boyfriend just for the sake of it . My ex meant the world to me and I never felt that way before . So to go with someone else would be a waste , since finding a connection like that does not happen that often . He met me weeks after his ex dumped me , I just don't understand how he got over her so fast .
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 I must be old fashioned too, I have been thinking that same exact thing lately. I guess that's the difference between relationship jumpers and us. I think you will find that the relationship jumpers are and will never be truly satisfied in a relationship, which is why they keep jumping to a new one when they decide they don't like the present one.
stillafool Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Most of the time dumpers already have someone in mind for their next relationship or have that person waiting in the wings for them. This is why they can move on so fast to someone else.
wilsonx Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Most of the time dumpers already have someone in mind for their next relationship or have that person waiting in the wings for them. This is why they can move on so fast to someone else. ding ding ding But i will tell you a little secret, they never get over you They lie to themselves for years until one day that branch that the little monkey grabbed on to before they let go of the other one snaps and breaks and they hit the ground.
ScienceGal Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Most of the time dumpers already have someone in mind for their next relationship or have that person waiting in the wings for them. This is why they can move on so fast to someone else. I agree with this. My ex is a jumper because he likes to have his ego stroked. He is very charming in the beginning and gives the illusion that he is this great guy. But he has nothing to offer to a relationship and when I tried to get closer, he shut me out and was really uncomfortable with serious conversations. He is insecure but would never admit it, and letting me (or any one else) see his insecurities won't happen. He doesn't need emotional attachment to have sex either... so in his mind, why not move on, he's getting the part of the relationship that comes easy to him, and it'll only last 6 months tops anyway.
collegeguy_24 Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 ding ding ding But i will tell you a little secret, they never get over you They lie to themselves for years until one day that branch that the little monkey grabbed on to before they let go of the other one snaps and breaks and they hit the ground. I am very tired so I may not be reading this properly, but could you please elaborate?
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 I am very tired so I may not be reading this properly, but could you please elaborate? Relationship Jumpers tend to bounce between relationships, like a monkey swinging from branch to branch in the trees. The Jumper will not allow themself sufficient time to heal properly and will carry the loss with them until they fall (usually they are the ones getting dumped at this point). At that point they will remember those branches that held their weight, and because they jumped from relationship to relationship, the losses hit them all at once. When this happens typically the most significant partner of the past stands out to them. When they fall they will still proceed with the same pattern as before (relationship jumping) and the possibility of going back to a previous ex is pretty high, because the monkey knows that branch held it's weight. But history will repeat itself in this relationship and they will jump to another branch. Logically thinking: Your only hope of having a relationship with a jumper til death do you part, is if you happen to get a tired monkey. All this talk about Jumping reminds me of
Nohbody Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Who cares? Seriously. Once it's over, just let them go make their lousy decisions. Work on making positive ones for yourself. It's not a contest, and chances are there is no one keeping score except for us. Continue to work on your own happiness and try to just ignore their nonsense. You already know this, it's going to be ok.
Kendal Pierce Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 You can't really tell why this particular person was able to get over his ex that fast and that soon. For all we know, he might just be in the relationship just the heck of it and then this girl he is really interested in came along. All I am saying is that we can't really judge that person. Second thing is that, people have varying levels of coping mechanism and healing process after a relationship they have just suddenly broke up.
Wesker Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 ding ding ding But i will tell you a little secret, they never get over you They lie to themselves for years until one day that branch that the little monkey grabbed on to before they let go of the other one snaps and breaks and they hit the ground. And usually by then, that branch the monkey was able to hold on to before will be long gone on a much better tree. ( I hope that makes sense)
Glove_slap Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 My ex and I were together for three years (throughout highschool) when highschool ended she broke up with me and started dating an older (21-22) guy who later turned out to be a drug dealer a month after we broke up. She's still with him after a year and I always wondered the same question, turns out its always friends hooking up other friends.
D-Lish Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 I have a younger friend, she jumped from LTR to LTR all her life. had a 2 year relationship, met someone within a couple weeks, went with him for 5 years, met someone a week later- and after just getting dumped by this recent guy, she immediately started a relationship within 10 days. She's always the one that gets dumped (because she's insanely needy). Every new prospect "is the perfect guy"... Honestly, it drives me insane to listen to her sob and use me for endless hours of support only to suddenly be "okay" within a couple of weeks because she's found "the love of her life"... I drove her home the other evening and listening to her go on and on about how happy she was and already saying "I love you" with a new guy just annoyed the crap out of me. She found someone else so she didn't have to deal with her grief anymore. She just can't be alone- ever. I thought I'd gotten through to her this time about taking some time off to get to know herself- but she couldn't help herself, she fell back into her pattern and she will always do this.
Finch Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 Interesting analogy about the swinging monkey - I had never thought of it like that. It's true that dwelling on it does no good. If they've moved on swiftly there's nothing you can do about it, and you're best putting it out of your mind and focusing on yourself and your own happiness. I think what makes it hard to come to terms with, is that when the dumper moves on within days or weeks (particularly if it had been a long term relationship) then the dumpee is left feeling like the relationship must have meant nothing to the other person. This can affect their self-esteem, because it may seem as if what to them was a significant relationship, to the other person was nothing of consequence and required to mourning period at all. Not only does the dumpee have to deal with the pain of the relationship terminating, but then also with the feeling of insignificance that accompanies the fact that they were so easily and quickly replaced. It's a hurtful situation to be in. I think, as other have posted, it's important to keep in mind that relationship jumpers will do that as a matter of habit, and it has more to do with them than with you.
shayla Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 they move on fast because they moved on while they were still with you. They started a new relationship and when they leave they already have someone. They just want to leave you alone and twisting in the wind.
Sugarkane Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 Why does no one insult them/ tell them off for jumping from relationship to relationship? Even if they're the dumper
Sugarkane Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Yet if anyone on here posts that they're seeing someone aqfter the breakup, they would get berated for it. Why can't dumpers be single for 5 minutes at least?
katie.x Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Yet if anyone on here posts that they're seeing someone aqfter the breakup, they would get berated for it. Why can't dumpers be single for 5 minutes at least? Because they need to feel loved and like they are worth something when deep down their behaviour has then believing the truth, that they aren't worth it. So they keep moving on in the hope that that little voice in their head may finally be silenced. But it won't.
silly_panda Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Because they need to feel loved and like they are worth something when deep down their behaviour has then believing the truth, that they aren't worth it. So they keep moving on in the hope that that little voice in their head may finally be silenced. But it won't. This rings true... The day after my ex dumped me, she told me there is this guy who is interested in her... She said she felt she is worth something again...
collegeguy_24 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Because they need to feel loved and like they are worth something If exes wanted to feel loved and worth something, then they should never have leave people like us who truly did love them, who wanted to spend their life with them and making them happy. I personally think its a crappy excuse on their part.
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