2sunny Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 if your wife is putting herself at risk - then you should suggest she get serious help - yes, her drinking can kill her... so can detoxing alone. AA is a good program after detox. for you... you can leave her IF you don't like her behavior. you can also do anything you want - as long as you ASK PERMISSION. she SHOULD have a say in this decision as she is your wife. if you believe YOU deserve to get what you want - and she's unwilling to give that to you - she may be agreeable to you getting your happiness met outside the marriage. just ask.
nyrias2 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Logically, this is automatically defied by very act of cheating. All time spent on fooling around or even fantasizing with other partner could very well be devoted to you instead. But it wasn't. By choice. Yep. You can say the same about video games, tv and other hobbies. I don't think a spouse should be so needy that he/she would suck up all the attention and time of his/her partner. Infidelity is not about the time or attention.
rafallus Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 You can say the same about video games, tv and other hobbies. I don't think a spouse should be so needy that he/she would suck up all the attention and time of his/her partner. Infidelity is not about the time or attention. Actually, I said absolutely nothing, about how much time it would be, you just assumed, it would be majority of total time they have. But logically, it would hold ground also, if spouse got pretty much nothing, and AP got a reasonable (certainly less than 24/7, still) share of attention. And yes, cheating absolutely CAN be about time and attention. Often times cited reason was "I felt lonely/neglected" or variation of that.
nyrias2 Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Actually, I said absolutely nothing, about how much time it would be, you just assumed, it would be majority of total time they have. But logically, it would hold ground also, if spouse got pretty much nothing, and AP got a reasonable (certainly less than 24/7, still) share of attention. And yes, cheating absolutely CAN be about time and attention. Often times cited reason was "I felt lonely/neglected" or variation of that. So there is no difference between an AP and World of Warcraft? A lot of spouse got pretty much nothing when world of warcraft got a reasonable amount.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 I have a hard time understanding infidelity. Something may be wrong with me. However, I just don't get why it's wrong in this day and age. Ask a penguin.
Saul Goodman Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Meanwhile, I believe that our OP is long gone, crafting yet another user name and version of the same old saw to roll out here one day soon. Hmm. Most likely. But on the off-chance that he decides to read this: So Pondy, are you still struggling?
Steen719 Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I heard this one from my XMM. He actually said he'd be happy if he found out that his wife was seeing someone else. Then it'd take the pressure off of him. He wanted to leave but didn't want to be the BAD GUY. GUESS WHAT!?? SHE WASSSSSSSS! He darn near needed to be checked into a psych ward when he found out. So there you have it. DON'T say you'd be ok with something when the reality is you don't know how you'll act until you're placed in that exact scenario... AND - Careful what you wish for.........Just sayin'. Thank you for the best laugh I have had today :lmao:
rafallus Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 So there is no difference between an AP and World of Warcraft? A lot of spouse got pretty much nothing when world of warcraft got a reasonable amount. And did some of them cheat due to lack of affection? Most likely yes. "Looking at porn" instead of WoW was a mentioned quite a bit here a while ago.
theotheri Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 (edited) New here. I'll be brief as I believe in the merits of brevity. Religious dogma aside, infidelity that causes harm to yourself and then your spouse, children, family and community is prima facie wrong if it causes harm. Harm can be measured in many ways, be it your attitude towards your partner, your change in physical interaction, your wondering mind, etc. But it represents the potential for great harm and you must proceed carefully. Notwithstanding this rather obvious and widely acknowledged truism, infidelity can also potentially strengthen a marrriage and bring the couple closer together as long as it remains 100% discreet. Make no mistake, I am not condoning or encouraging it, but rather giving my honest opinion of it. If either person in the affair cannot handle the discretion required it is bound to unravel to their mutual detriment. I think the notion that your husband or wife, particularly a long term one, can satisfy all your needs- physical, emotional, family, community, friendship, etc. is probably a somewhat antiquated concept though that does not imply that entering into or sustaining a marriage that lacks one or many of these attributes is a bad move. Good luck OP and good luck to all here. May everyone find the happiness that they seek and deserve. Edited September 15, 2011 by theotheri
nyrias2 Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 And did some of them cheat due to lack of affection? Most likely yes. "Looking at porn" instead of WoW was a mentioned quite a bit here a while ago. Well good to know that you think an affair is the same as WOW. May be now a WS can have a WOW defense .. "honey, think of it this way .. it is just like i am playing WOW. You won't know what i do, and whom i do it with (because i don't myself!!!) .. and you just have to live with it."
rafallus Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 I could call you out on doing a straw man, but I just don't care enough. Think what you want. And have a discourse with yourself, if you feel like it.
bentnotbroken Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 The OP hasn't been back to this thread. Wonder if they got what they wanted?
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