Lostinlife4now Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Ya know...I thought I was a tough bitch...but I guess I have some drawbacks...alot of drawbacks....Been in love with MM or xMm for 7 years....now that I have kicked him to the curb...I am getting in trouble....I told him he NEEDS to get his M back on track.....but he says NO...there is nothing there but he is NOT LEAVING...WTF. GET YOUR **** TOGETHER and play in the real world or get THE HELL OUT.......He is a loser in my eyes but I can't get him out of my system.....Somebody Shoot me....Don't have alot in my life....financial issues, trying to start a business..alone and lonely and I FUC....hate him.....HELP......trying to go NC,,, but it is hard.....I really like him as a person. but he has little kids...but has been cheating for 7 years...I told him to GET into MC...but he is just sitting there watching TV and not doing anything to help his M....I DO feel sorry for her...Some days I would love to take her to lunch and let her know what the hell he has been doing for all these years....So she can make a decision...but in the back of my mind I also feel that he can get back with her with what he once had...if he had anything........................HELP.....HELP................HELP
wannabdone Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 FIRST OFF.... YOU ARE STILL A TOUGH BITCH!!!!! Just because you are going through pains of missing something that has been a part of your life for seven years, doesn't mean you are anything less than tough. Quite the contrary, the fact that you have put up with this crap for 7 years without going completely insane, shows how strong you are. I know exactly what you are going through. Been in mine for 10 years. Just breath, you will be okay. You would be better off picking of some herion and shooting it in your arm. Same results. eurphoric at first, then devasting after. If you want to get on with your life and make a success of your business, etc. NC, NC, NC!!!! Keep posting.
Spark1111 Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Ya know...I thought I was a tough bitch...but I guess I have some drawbacks...alot of drawbacks....Been in love with MM or xMm for 7 years....now that I have kicked him to the curb...I am getting in trouble....I told him he NEEDS to get his M back on track.....but he says NO...there is nothing there but he is NOT LEAVING...WTF. GET YOUR **** TOGETHER and play in the real world or get THE HELL OUT.......He is a loser in my eyes but I can't get him out of my system.....Somebody Shoot me....Don't have alot in my life....financial issues, trying to start a business..alone and lonely and I FUC....hate him.....HELP......trying to go NC,,, but it is hard.....I really like him as a person. but he has little kids...but has been cheating for 7 years...I told him to GET into MC...but he is just sitting there watching TV and not doing anything to help his M....I DO feel sorry for her...Some days I would love to take her to lunch and let her know what the hell he has been doing for all these years....So she can make a decision...but in the back of my mind I also feel that he can get back with her with what he once had...if he had anything........................HELP.....HELP................HELP You are still tough, but you need to get tougher! See the post above? it is all about him, his marriage, his wife, what he is or isn't doing to make his life better, happier. His problems. His happiness. Why do you care? Stop giving him so much head space! Stop trying to rescue him from his misery! He created it, continues to contribute to it, and seems very content to be stuck in it. On the couch with a remote, pays no attention to her and yet I bet complains to you ad nauseum about his loveless marriage, yes? But doesn't leave? Don't you understand how very comfortable he is in his sitch? He does nothing to make it better or leave or be with you. Just complains and preys on your sympathy....because it has worked for the past seven years! Why should an old dog learn new tricks if he does not have to? RESCUE YOURSELF. MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY. GET YOUR BUSINESS OFF THE GROUND and stop obssessing about the happiness of this lazy couch potato complaining never gonna change man! Make a new friend, buy a dog, tell it to the cat, call up a family member.... get busy and focus on you and your very bright future and the next man who will help you and be by your side every step of the way. I'm pulling for you!
Author Lostinlife4now Posted September 3, 2011 Author Posted September 3, 2011 Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wanabdone and spark......THANK YOU!!!!!!!! Your words really hit home......I will reread them when I get weak....but then again...I am not weak like you both said.... I buried a child 16 years ago, this is gonna be a piece of cake....... Love to both of you!!!!!!!
SBC Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Ya know...I thought I was a tough bitch...but I guess I have some drawbacks...alot of drawbacks....Been in love with MM or xMm for 7 years....now that I have kicked him to the curb...I am getting in trouble....I told him he NEEDS to get his M back on track.....but he says NO...there is nothing there but he is NOT LEAVING...WTF. GET YOUR **** TOGETHER and play in the real world or get THE HELL OUT.......He is a loser in my eyes but I can't get him out of my system.....Somebody Shoot me....Don't have alot in my life....financial issues, trying to start a business..alone and lonely and I FUC....hate him.....HELP......trying to go NC,,, but it is hard.....I really like him as a person. but he has little kids...but has been cheating for 7 years...I told him to GET into MC...but he is just sitting there watching TV and not doing anything to help his M....I DO feel sorry for her...Some days I would love to take her to lunch and let her know what the hell he has been doing for all these years....So she can make a decision...but in the back of my mind I also feel that he can get back with her with what he once had...if he had anything........................HELP.....HELP................HELP I can admit that I recognize the person I was about 8 months ago in this post. What stands out for me is you saying that you don't have a lot in your life. I doubt that is really true, as much as it may seem like it to you right now. You are looking at your life far too critically, and it appears you are thinking that everything would be magically and radically better, if he would just get off his @ss and come save you. You have to know that this is not true. He cannot fix the problems you have in your life -- only you can and you must. You must save yourself. Real love is when two partners can swim with strength and independence through the waters of life --but when one partner expects the other to carry them, that is when they both will drown. To begin fixing my life, it was a matter of figuring out why I felt that I could not get my life together alone. For me, it had a lot to do with issues from childhood and the feelings of inferiority that were instilled in me by my mother. I felt sub-consciously that I could not enjoy the good things in life unless I had a man to attribute them to. In other words, I was not good enough to have good things in my life --I was only allowed to enjoy the leftovers of what the man in my life was enjoying. To help me start to get past this, I started keeping a gratitude journal with a twist. A gratitude journal is a journal in which every day you write down three things in life that you are grateful for, but for my twist, next to each thing I was grateful for I wrote down how I had earned it. For example, if I wrote down that I was grateful for gas in my car, next to it I wrote that I had worked an extra hour at my job that allowed me to get 3/4 of a tank, instead of only 1/2. In this way, I was able to see that I earned what I had. Pain is your body's way of telling you that something is wrong and needs to change. The relationship is causing you pain. Something within you needs to change. You need to scan your mind, dig through your past and find out what it is that needs to change. I am a firm believer that low self esteem is what causes us to stay in these relationships that are so bad for us --find the source of that low self esteem and address it, and things will start to change in your life --without him.
wannabdone Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wanabdone and spark......THANK YOU!!!!!!!! Your words really hit home......I will reread them when I get weak....but then again...I am not weak like you both said.... I buried a child 16 years ago, this is gonna be a piece of cake....... Love to both of you!!!!!!! Bless your heart. There might be something to your child, that you can look into that keeps you drawn into this. Sometimes when we have things happen, we will look to something else to wrong all the rights. Keep posting. I want to know you are doing okay.
Author Lostinlife4now Posted September 3, 2011 Author Posted September 3, 2011 I can admit that I recognize the person I was about 8 months ago in this post. What stands out for me is you saying that you don't have a lot in your life. I doubt that is really true, as much as it may seem like it to you right now. You are looking at your life far too critically, and it appears you are thinking that everything would be magically and radically better, if he would just get off his @ss and come save you. You have to know that this is not true. He cannot fix the problems you have in your life -- only you can and you must. You must save yourself. Real love is when two partners can swim with strength and independence through the waters of life --but when one partner expects the other to carry them, that is when they both will drown. To begin fixing my life, it was a matter of figuring out why I felt that I could not get my life together alone. For me, it had a lot to do with issues from childhood and the feelings of inferiority that were instilled in me by my mother. I felt sub-consciously that I could not enjoy the good things in life unless I had a man to attribute them to. In other words, I was not good enough to have good things in my life --I was only allowed to enjoy the leftovers of what the man in my life was enjoying. To help me start to get past this, I started keeping a gratitude journal with a twist. A gratitude journal is a journal in which every day you write down three things in life that you are grateful for, but for my twist, next to each thing I was grateful for I wrote down how I had earned it. For example, if I wrote down that I was grateful for gas in my car, next to it I wrote that I had worked an extra hour at my job that allowed me to get 3/4 of a tank, instead of only 1/2. In this way, I was able to see that I earned what I had. Pain is your body's way of telling you that something is wrong and needs to change. The relationship is causing you pain. Something within you needs to change. You need to scan your mind, dig through your past and find out what it is that needs to change. I am a firm believer that low self esteem is what causes us to stay in these relationships that are so bad for us --find the source of that low self esteem and address it, and things will start to change in your life --without him. SBC... how are you doing now...You sound like you are doing really well! No..yes......
SBC Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 SBC... how are you doing now...You sound like you are doing really well! No..yes...... Yes! If course, I have my moments, but I know that is just part of life. I keep busy doing things that interest me --things I like doing for myself. I have worked very hard at becoming independent, and liking it. Even though I was supporting myself before, in the back of my mind, I was always waiting for someone to come along and save me. Now, I know I don't need anyone to save me. So, yes, mentally and emotionally, I am in a good place.
wannabdone Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 Yes! If course, I have my moments, but I know that is just part of life. I keep busy doing things that interest me --things I like doing for myself. I have worked very hard at becoming independent, and liking it. Even though I was supporting myself before, in the back of my mind, I was always waiting for someone to come along and save me. Now, I know I don't need anyone to save me. So, yes, mentally and emotionally, I am in a good place. Just a question.... this seems to be a big thing i've noticed that many OW have in common. Waiting for someone to save us. Hoping that this wonderful love will some how make all the wrongs right. Would you agree???
bentnotbroken Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 Just a question.... this seems to be a big thing i've noticed that many OW have in common. Waiting for someone to save us. Hoping that this wonderful love will some how make all the wrongs right. Would you agree??? Knight in Shining Armor syndrome(KISA). Little girls are raised believing this garbage. Wait on the prince to fix everything then live happily ever after....crap that destroys young women for not taking responsibility for their lives and young men for not being able to ever live up to that fantastical fantasy.
wannabdone Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 knight in shining armor syndrome(kisa). Little girls are raised believing this garbage. Wait on the prince to fix everything then live happily ever after....crap that destroys young women for not taking responsibility for their lives and young men for not being able to ever live up to that fantastical fantasy. damn disney!!!!
SBC Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 damn disney!!!! I do see this, and I wish it were the fault of Disney, but unfortunately I think it is a much deeper place that it comes from. At least, in my case, it came from my mother. As a result of her own insecurity, she instill terrible inferiority in me. A feeling of not being able to cope, or take care of myself without her (or someone's) assistance. But, I am working though it.
Woman In Blue Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 I buried a child 16 years ago, this is gonna be a piece of cake....... Awww, bless you Lost, and your lost angel. You'll get through this - you sound like a tough broad!
Author Lostinlife4now Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 Thanks WIB........Beautiful words....... Yes, I did lose my little angel! But I am still putting one foot in front of the other! Don't know how but I am........ And I don't need or want a selfish prick like xMM to be in my life or my bed...BECAUSE HE DOESN'T DESERVE ME......................Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
wannabdone Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Thanks WIB........Beautiful words....... Yes, I did lose my little angel! But I am still putting one foot in front of the other! Don't know how but I am........ And I don't need or want a selfish prick like xMM to be in my life or my bed...BECAUSE HE DOESN'T DESERVE ME......................Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!![/QUOTE] Amen!!!! You are right, you don't. You are putting one foot in front of another and continuing, even if you don't know how you are doing it.... know why???? Because you are an amazing and wonderful and STRONG woman!!!!! You can and you will do this. And you will be a better person and STRONGER person for it!!!!! Keep on keeping on, sister. I am very proud of you!!!! Something that is a simple verse, but always makes me feel better: "this too, shall pass"............... :love::love: BIG HUGS TO YOU!!!! XOXOXOXOXO:love::love:
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