ja123 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Anna, This is what my gut is telling me: take it or leave it. You obviously have an attraction for this man, and we all want to give and receive love; that's human. However, I think the bigger issue at hand is that you might be feeling a "void" or emptiness in your life and you're using this man to fill it. (It could be for many reasons - you're approaching the completion of your PHd and it's common for people who've been in school that long to feel fear about making adjustments to working ... but there could be many other or multiple reasons at play at the same time - only you can answer that.) Using someone else to fill one's void is the wrong approach and can lead to making poor choices in a mate. I know, I've done it. Try to find ways to fill your emptiness outside of a relationship. Live with being uncomfortable and alone. Then get back into the dating scene. I think you should find ways to feel your grief, get closure, and move on. It's tough though, and I feel for you. Good Luck.
grkBoy Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 I think your initial rejection probably pushed him. Plus...if he's so "wrong" for you, then why did you date him? Never understood that.
Author annabanana85 Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 Call me a stalker but I did a google search on this guy and found the ex girlfriends name. It is true that the ex girlfriend and him were living for a while but the ex girlfriend has been married to the other guy (the African American guy that she left him for) for at least 2 years judging by her last name on official documents! SO the dates do not match. He had told me that the ex-gf had left him a year ago but according to the internet the girlfriend must have left him more than 2 years ago at least! Plus she is now married to the other guy and he had not told me that!!! This is so confusing. What do you guys think of this? Why lie to me?
Cracker Jack Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I know you may not want to hear this, but I think you'd be better off moving on. He's not straightforward with you, and it seems like a situation that doesn't have much potential. I think if you continue to try to get closer to him, you'll only confuse and hurt yourself more. Of course, there's a chance he'll stop acting this way, but it might only be a temporary change. I'm sure that's not the kind of relationship you want.
Author annabanana85 Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 You guys are probably right, the whole situation sounds very shady. I still do not understand why though! Why would he lie about the dates? I feel like he is hiding something:sick:
Hot Chick Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Well, he is not with you. He is not "hiding" anything because he is not obligated to you. He doesn't want to be with you....this is clear. Just move on.
Author annabanana85 Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 I wish that he was straightforward with me and simply told me that he does not want to be with me. But instead he wants to have no contact for a month (it's already been 2 weeks) and at the end tell me his final decision. I really don't know what to think! And now I find that he has lied about his past! Now I'm losing hope that he will ever contact me in a month to tell me about his decision. I just want to know what is going on, this is super confusing for me!
simpsonic Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I wish that he was straightforward with me and simply told me that he does not want to be with me. But instead he wants to have no contact for a month (it's already been 2 weeks) and at the end tell me his final decision. I really don't know what to think! And now I find that he has lied about his past! Now I'm losing hope that he will ever contact me in a month to tell me about his decision. I just want to know what is going on, this is super confusing for me! I wish guys could be straightforward like that too but the reality is that only a small percentage of guys actually have the balls to do so. So we have to go by their actions. After all, actions speak louder than words.
bluenightowl Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I wish that he was straightforward with me and simply told me that he does not want to be with me. But instead he wants to have no contact for a month (it's already been 2 weeks) and at the end tell me his final decision. I really don't know what to think! And now I find that he has lied about his past! Now I'm losing hope that he will ever contact me in a month to tell me about his decision. I just want to know what is going on, this is super confusing for me! Actually its not confusing at all. You're giving all your power away to him and why? All this is doing is making you needy and wanting him more. The best thing you could do is move on, and reject him if he contacts you or just stay NC. The more you play with this, the more you will get confused and harder it will be to let go. Think about how you feel right now. Is that love? Hot/cold never works. Take care of yourself first. NC for a month is BS. He might think he is not sure, but deep down he is very sure. Is this really how you want to start the best relationship ever? Is he the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, with a start like this.
Author annabanana85 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 So it has been a month and he has not contacted me as promised. Should I just move on or contact him? What is the deal with him?
bluenightowl Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 So it has been a month and he has not contacted me as promised. Should I just move on or contact him? What is the deal with him? You know the deal. Think about how you feel right now. Is this the greatest start ever to the love of your life? He's trying to get out of this, that's why he said maybe in a month. Listen a guy who wants someone will not want to postpone dating for a month. Throw away everything to do with this guy, and when he contacts you (if he does), ignore him. That all said, I know you are probably hurting a bit, but the sooner you decide to let him go, is the moment you'll start to get your life back in order.
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