Dblock10 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 (edited) as in, you no longer cry about it, you don't really have those lovely dreams of being with them (but still do have odd dreams about them), you have accepted the break up. you have accepted life goes on. you know you are doing NC for you to heal. and you "want" to move on as for now it is the only option i have. how do you make the final step in completely moving on and where you no longer think about them? or will part of you always think about them? i guess my situation isn't as bad as 80% of the people who have been cheated on or the ex left for someone else etc. which is why in a way its harder because i know hadn't she had to go on this world trip (adventure) we would have 100% stayed together. And if i still long for her but cant be with her then i'm always going to hurt to some extent. she has to leave the country for 6 months and had been planning to do so right from when we first met she was always open about this trip (granted i didnt no for 6 months..). its something she has been wanting to do after she graduates. She wasnt up for trying to make it work whilst she goes for various reasons of hers (and during the pre break up stage, where we both went into long distance, she never really indicated that she wanted to stay together when she goes). she also made it concrete by telling me she didn't want to feel obliged to my area once back even if we did try, she knows its selfish but she cant make any false promises "just to keep me happy". yet "we should keep each other updated with our lives"she mentioned and that she would like it to be on good terms with me so the future still has a door open for being mates or more, just depends on lots of varying factors and she even said if you love something let it go.. she said it seems to fit this scenario. And so yeah i haven't heard from her since having the final talk with her in person 4 weeks ago this sunday coming...:S sigh to complicate the issues more my nan died 2 weeks ago and i sadly had the funeral today. its been tough not to tell her about it... but she hasnt asked, its my on fb status i am friends on fb with a handful of her friends, and also when leaving hers that day, i told her i was off to see my nan, who was in critical condition as she knew... yet she never got in touch to ask anything.. so really you can put 2 and 2 together here right? its for these reasons that i am staying nc. as i feel like she doesnt really care. she never told me once during our relationship that she even loved me. so... guess i am doing the right thing here. I could break NC and inform her about everything and ask her does she still think about me or care about me. but dont know what that would achieve. can you see what i mean by how this is hard for me even though it wasnt a messy break up also i am annoyed at myself because i know i could contact her and just keep the line of communication open, but i would always have this feeling "why couldnt we have stayed together if we can keep in touch" ... arghh Edited September 2, 2011 by Dblock10
LelouchIsZero Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I'm not too sure how we take that step, I'm not even up to it yet, but apparently 'time heals all wounds'. I guess i'd have to agree with that, as I have improved greatly since the first few weeks (Now our 5th month not together), even though I have a few days were I feel like crap, things can only get better right? Once this is all over, there will most likely still be a few times that you'll be reminded of her, but you'll feel indifferent towards those thoughts. There isn't any point comparing your break up to anyone else's, you're still hurt like everyone else, so don't try make it seem like what you're going through is nothing.
antinko Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 If she knew she was going on this trip even when she met you mate, unfortunately I doubt you were ever part of the long term plan for her. I'm not doubting that what you had was real - it obviously was - but the trip was always bigger in her mind. To be honest, I think you deserve a better deal because you obviously have a lot of love to give.
Author Dblock10 Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 thanks lzero, appreciate the words - i think you are right with the time thing though. and yeah reminders.. dont like those.. going to uni where i met her etc and going about the town doing things with her, will be harsh reminders. drove past her flat window the other week. made me feel sick in the stomach. but did it again and felt less sick... (its a one way system, and she lived on the road... typical) yeah indifference is a good place to be. yeah i guess you are right about not trying to compare it, each case is attached to some ones heart strings right.. antinko yeah there is that, i even said to her, why did you get into a relationship with me then? she said, why? wouldn't you have wanted a relationship with me then? i was like speechless, what can you say to that. i think i said, no course i wouldn't have not wanted to have been with you... just.... yeah it was real, i think when she said she really liked me, she meant it. just the trip was more important and always was. Yeah i would like to think i deserve a better deal. just i wanted it with her you know? sigh i hope she realises now or in the future what she missed out on. then again, doubt it. i guess i am right in continuing nc then... i dont have a urging desire to contact her tbh, but yeah i think the memory of her is fading more. just hurts knowing the memory of me is fading for her also the more i stay away
antinko Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 The fact is that people change their feelings. I mean, hell, my ex claimed 'people don't change' and she went from being head over heels practically wanting to drag me down the aisle...to dumping me. Basically, it's down to selfishness. I'm not saying that it's a terrible trait, but your ex has her plans and she's made her mind up. My ex had plans, but changed her mind about her feelings...and then did what suited her rather than working on the relationship. It's a big steaming pile of horse poo for those of us left with the aftermath, those of us who wanted to continue the relationship, but life is life. On one hand, we often feel a certain amount of contempt for the perceived betrayed, but then, as reasonable human beings, we cannot deny these people we care about their happiness...even if in many cases they're not happy... So logic dictates that self preservation must be our primary objective. Look after yourself and try to eventually move on. You know I'm trying to.
Author Dblock10 Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 thats right. i learnt that from my first relationship. people do change. things change, feelings change. its life! the first time i was dealing with her changing was so hard. glad thats all over and i learnt a lot from that relationship. you are correct, she even said it herself, "she knows its selfish" but... self preservation indeed! indeed. funny how things happen
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