LostLover92 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Age:19 Relationship: Almost 9 Months Yesterday my girlfriend picks me up and we drive to her house, we sit in the drive way and we discuss my brother (14 year old spoiled brat, parents won't discipline him, he's really hard on my girlfriend) (He's attacked her online, put spit balls all over her car, just says mean things to her whenever he see's her and its just really hard on her and my method of dealing with it is lets just ignore it, in the grand scheme of things he doesnt matter) But maybe im not making the right decisions, my girlfriend starts telling me that when she says she wants me to fight for her, its too stick up for her when these things happen and maybe I haven't been doing that so I tell her I can change that and she says she hates hearing the world change, she just wants it to be natural and its not natural with me. And I tell her that I dont want my girlfriend being treated like **** and when I think of who I want to be, I want to be someone who will stand up for her. She tells me she hasn't been happy in awhile, my parents are a big part of it, its gotten to the point where we can't go to my house without us feeling uncomfortable and awkward. My mother just believes the worse things about my girlfriend that my little brother says, and asks me things like am i allowed to talk to girls or you've changed (clearly hinting that she's made me changed) and not saying or doing a damn thing to my brother when we tell her about the things he does. My girlfriend then starts to cry and says she wants to be in a relationship where she gets along with her boyfriends family and that in her past relationships her ex boyfriend's parents loved her. And I tell her, I want that too, I want you to feel comfortable at my house, I hate how things are. I really just want to sit down with my parents and talk about things. Then my girlfriend says she would hate if I did that because the only thing that would happen is that my parents would be fake about it and she's right. My girlfriend then says that theres no trust in our relationship, which there isnt much of. I've done a lot of stupid things over the course of my relationship with her, i've flirted with another girl once, i've lied to her numerous times, and i know you guys are going to say that she deserves better but I promise her that i'll be better and deep down thats what I want the most because I adore this girl with all my heart, theres nobody I have ever wanted to be with as badly as her. I also caught her flirting pretty sexually before too and i've broke up with her over it and I said some nasty things on facebook but we got back together (it wasnt very easy, there was a lot of crying and apologising and stuff) but it still pops in my mind because i ask her who she is texting and i've even went on her hotmail and facebook because i got so paranoid that she was doing things behind my back and got caught doing this, it really hurt us Then my girlfriend asks me why we haven't had made out or sex in awhile, that we're both young and we havent done it in months (which we havent, and i think maybe sometimes im just a bit nervous to initiate things and its hard for me to tell if she's in the mood, we've both played with eachother but sex hasn't happened in awhile) and that maybe we've lost our physical attraction towards eachother She then proceeds to tell me that she's not happy and she's confused and that she likes doing things with me but maybe we're just better friends, she tells me there are some things about me that she doesn't want in her ideal person she wants to be with for the rest of her life. I tell her that I can be those things and I dont want to change just because of you saying this, I want to change because if we stayed in this relationship or I found another, that I would want be those things, that is the person I want to be. And I really mean that. But after awhile of just sitting, I say I have to go. I get up and leave the car, she tells me to stay and not to go, I go around the car to get my things and she says that I told her I'd never walk out on her again, I told her that why would I stay if it doesnt even sound like your in love with me anymore. She tells me she loves me and tries to touch me. I tell her not to touch me. She says atleast let me drive you somewhere. And i tell her she can As we're driving away I start breaking down. I start crying because this girl I adore to death is breaking up with me, I cry because I've made the stupidest mistakes and because my parents have made things so hard on us and my girlfriend isnt happy. My girlfriend pulls over. Opens the dash gives me a napkin and starts rubbing my back telling me to shhh and to calm down and to just breathe. At this point I cant I just start crying harder and harder. Then after awhile I calm down. I look up and she kisses me, and that she's thought about it long enough and that she loves me. I just start crying again (Now don't get the idea that i've been the only one crying, we've both been crying ever since we were in her driveway) I tell her that she needs to take the night to think things over. She says she doesnt want to, she wants to watch Big Brother with me (we always watch it together) and sleep together. She says she agrees with me about everything I've said, about I can fight for her and that we can fix the issues in our relationship and it can feel natural but she doesnt agree that the parents thing will change. I keep telling her to take the night to think things over but she says she doesnt want that, she just wants me. So we go back to her house and spend the night together and it was a good night. I know i've probably left out a lot but I have so much typed out already, if there any quesetions just ask. I really want to fix the issues in our relationship without having her think that its just something fake im doing just to keep her because I want those things to be real in us and I want to work at making them real. We both move down to University tomorrow and we talked about it being a new start for us. I really want to fix the issue with my parents because I know if things stay the same it'll make things hard on us. She doesnt want me talking to them but I feel like if I dont bring it up to them they'll just be brainwashed by my brother and that isnt right. I want to let them know that she's a big deal to me and that things neede to change around here. Im willing to work and fight so much for this girl its unbelieveable. I'll go to hell and back with 1000 pounds on my back. I just need so much help right now and I have no idea where to go or who to talk to. Theres just so many things in this relationship I dont want to throw away or forget because I believe we can both be happy with eachother.
Author LostLover92 Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 I really want to fix myself up and man up and be all the things that I can be and who I want to be and that in turn will make myself feel better and it'll be good for both of us. We've both ****ed up but we're human and we're still together after everything because we're really happy with eachother and we have so much fun. I really think losing her would be the worst mistake possible. I really need some advice
iJester Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Sounds like you're a complete pussy. This is the kind of thing big brothers are supposed to beat little brothers up over, not go cry to mom. No wonder she left your sorry ass, you can't even stand up to a 14 year old. You should be holding his face in toilet water for defacing your g/f's car. Go no contact with your g/f and start working on yourself, and stop taking **** from your little brother.
KathyM Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 She is right to be very concerned about the animosity your family has for her. That can be a relationship killer, and has been for many people. If I were in her position, I wouldn't ever want to be around your family. Don't bring her there. And if your brother or your parents badmouth her or do some other crap to her, it is your responsibility to stick up for her. I know it puts you in an unpleasant situation, but that is your responsibility to stick up for her. If your brother is saying things or doing things against her, demand that he stop it. Don't be a wimp. Tell him to back off, and tell him if he ever vandalizes her property again, you will file a police report. Don't allow your family to bully your girlfriend. You have to stick up for her, if you want to keep her. But I would advise not bringing her around your family anymore if they treat her badly. And stop the spying on her computer and cell phone. That will ruin your relationship. If you believe she is doing something inappropriate, like flirting with somebody, then talk to her about it. Set boundaries in a relationship. Discuss it with her what boundaries should be in place in order to protect your relationship.
Author LostLover92 Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 Sounds like you're a complete pussy. This is the kind of thing big brothers are supposed to beat little brothers up over, not go cry to mom. No wonder she left your sorry ass, you can't even stand up to a 14 year old. You should be holding his face in toilet water for defacing your g/f's car. Go no contact with your g/f and start working on yourself, and stop taking **** from your little brother. Thats the thing, its not like I dont want to slap around his stupid little face but the last time I did, I have my massive father freaking at me threatening to beat me up with his old white haired mother who has been called up because there is a "crisis" in the family trying to get him to calm down.
sweetypielovely Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Your family has cause the situation or at least added to it. Id say at 19 you need to step aside and give her space for now. You need to get whatever situation you have at home fixed so it doesnt happen again to her or any other female you choose to be with. Your young, but not a child anymore. If she isnt happy then respect her feelings. You cant make her want to be with you or love you. Suggest things you feel will help your relationship but is she resists and wont agree move on.
iJester Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 How about, move out of your parent's house? That one ever cross your mind?
Author LostLover92 Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 She is right to be very concerned about the animosity your family has for her. That can be a relationship killer, and has been for many people. If I were in her position, I wouldn't ever want to be around your family. Don't bring her there. And if your brother or your parents badmouth her or do some other crap to her, it is your responsibility to stick up for her. I know it puts you in an unpleasant situation, but that is your responsibility to stick up for her. If your brother is saying things or doing things against her, demand that he stop it. Don't be a wimp. Tell him to back off, and tell him if he ever vandalizes her property again, you will file a police report. Don't allow your family to bully your girlfriend. You have to stick up for her, if you want to keep her. But I would advise not bringing her around your family anymore if they treat her badly. And stop the spying on her computer and cell phone. That will ruin your relationship. If you believe she is doing something inappropriate, like flirting with somebody, then talk to her about it. Set boundaries in a relationship. Discuss it with her what boundaries should be in place in order to protect your relationship. I don't want my relationship killed over something so stupid though. I want to talk to my parents even though thats not want my girlfriend wants but I dont want my parents to be fake about being nice to her I want them to realise that they have been treating her wrong and I want them to feel bad for it and apologise. My girlfriend said that if they ever came up to her and apologised and admitted how they have been acting is wrong then she might think about it. My father even told my girlfriend to her face that she was the reason me and my brother havent been getting along. I was't because sometimes my girlfriend visits my dad at work because she is putting the effort to be nice and she tries so hard. Im not looking at her emails or cell phone and i never plan to again I know I have to do more with my brother.
Author LostLover92 Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 Your family has cause the situation or at least added to it. Id say at 19 you need to step aside and give her space for now. You need to get whatever situation you have at home fixed so it doesnt happen again to her or any other female you choose to be with. Your young, but not a child anymore. If she isnt happy then respect her feelings. You cant make her want to be with you or love you. Suggest things you feel will help your relationship but is she resists and wont agree move on. I volunteered to giver her space but she said she didnt want it and that she wanted me to come home with her. Im not with her now or wont be tonight, or for the majority of tomorrow so I hope she takes some time to think. She still keeps texting me though. I know I cant make her but she tells me things like she loves me so much and has told me today that she needs my love. So I dont think im pusing her. I told her if she doesn't think that I can fix things then our option is to break up but I added that if she doesnt think that I can, then I can prove her and everyone else wrong and do the things I need to. How about, move out of your parent's house? That one ever cross your mind? I move out tomorrow and thats the thing. I've basically have been living there and at my girlfriends house and now im moving out for University so that can only help things
KathyM Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I don't want my relationship killed over something so stupid though. I want to talk to my parents even though thats not want my girlfriend wants but I dont want my parents to be fake about being nice to her I want them to realise that they have been treating her wrong and I want them to feel bad for it and apologise. My girlfriend said that if they ever came up to her and apologised and admitted how they have been acting is wrong then she might think about it. My father even told my girlfriend to her face that she was the reason me and my brother havent been getting along. I was't because sometimes my girlfriend visits my dad at work because she is putting the effort to be nice and she tries so hard. Im not looking at her emails or cell phone and i never plan to again I know I have to do more with my brother. Then tell your parents you really like this girl, and you expect them to be polite to her. Emphasize all the good qualities that your girlfriend has, and tell them you really want them to get along. Tell them your little brother is full of crap and needs to be disciplined. It sounds like your brother is jealous of the girlfriend and feels like she is taking you away from him. You might want to try to spend some time with the brother so he doesn't feel like he is losing you to her. Make the demand that he treat your girlfriend with respect, and maybe try to get him talking to you about what concerns he has. It sounds like he is afraid he is losing you, since you are about to go off to college, and the girlfriend is taking up a lot of your time. He's probably feeling left out and abandoned. Set boundaries with him on how you expect him to be polite to your girlfriend, and then try to mend that bridge between you and your brother.
Author LostLover92 Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 (edited) Then tell your parents you really like this girl, and you expect them to be polite to her. Emphasize all the good qualities that your girlfriend has, and tell them you really want them to get along. Tell them your little brother is full of crap and needs to be disciplined. It sounds like your brother is jealous of the girlfriend and feels like she is taking you away from him. You might want to try to spend some time with the brother so he doesn't feel like he is losing you to her. Make the demand that he treat your girlfriend with respect, and maybe try to get him talking to you about what concerns he has. It sounds like he is afraid he is losing you, since you are about to go off to college, and the girlfriend is taking up a lot of your time. He's probably feeling left out and abandoned. Set boundaries with him on how you expect him to be polite to your girlfriend, and then try to mend that bridge between you and your brother. Like I want to sit down with them and talk to them about this before I leave tomorrow for university. Maybe my brother is feeling that way but the thing is we never really got along with eachother. He is 14 and made really good friends with people who like to pick on my girlfriend and when his friends are over they put the effort to do those little things to tick a person off I feel like if I talked to my brother he would joke about it the next time he saw my girlfriend and then she would get mad at me even though my motives and intentions were good and it sets things back for us My brother thrives on getting a response. He even tells off mom and she still offers him money to go out with his friends and wont take his cell phone for a week or anything. Its messed Edited September 2, 2011 by LostLover92
Andy_K Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I volunteered to giver her space but she said she didnt want it and that she wanted me to come home with her. Im not with her now or wont be tonight, or for the majority of tomorrow so I hope she takes some time to think. She still keeps texting me though. I know I cant make her but she tells me things like she loves me so much and has told me today that she needs my love. So I dont think im pusing her. I told her if she doesn't think that I can fix things then our option is to break up but I added that if she doesnt think that I can, then I can prove her and everyone else wrong and do the things I need to. I don't think she needs 'time' or 'space' to think about her feelings. What she needs is for you to start acting more like a man. Tell your brother you'll break his nose if he tries anything like that again. Tell your parents they need to respect your decisions whether they agree with them or not And most importantly... give your girlfriend a good seeing to.
KathyM Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Like I want to sit down with them and talk to them about this before I leave tomorrow for university. Maybe my brother is feeling that way but the thing is we never really got along with eachother. He is 14 and made really good friends with people who like to pick on my girlfriend and when his friends are over they put the effort to do those little things to tick a person off I feel like if I talked to my brother he would joke about it the next time he saw my girlfriend and then she would get mad at me even though my motives and intentions were good and it sets things back for us My brother thrives on getting a response. He even tells off mom and she still offers him money to go out with his friends and wont take his cell phone for a week or anything. Its messed Sounds like there's quite a bit of sibling rivalry going on. Your parents should have made an effort to build a positive relationship between you and your brother from the start. I would suggest talking to your parents about your girlfriend, as I suggested, before you leave. Then also suggest they put their foot down with the brother and not let him act so bad without consequences. They are allowing him to be a bully, and he is not going to get along in relationships with that attitude. That's all you can do. Talk to them, insist that they treat your girlfriend with respect. And don't bring her over if they don't behave themselves.
Author LostLover92 Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 I don't think she needs 'time' or 'space' to think about her feelings. What she needs is for you to start acting more like a man. Tell your brother you'll break his nose if he tries anything like that again. Tell your parents they need to respect your decisions whether they agree with them or not And most importantly... give your girlfriend a good seeing to. I friggen agree 100% bro
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