beck1404 Posted May 6, 2004 Posted May 6, 2004 I started talking to this guy about 2 months ago. We used to be friends a long time ago, but now I live out of state. When I called him we hadn't talked for years. He had just broke up with his girlfriend that he had lived with for a year. We started talking on the phone all the time. He would kind of cry on my shoulder and tell me how much he loved her but that he just hadn't been happy. So after about a month of this I flew into town (my parents live there) and we kind of hooked up. I stayed for a few days and went back home. We still talked on the phone all the time. Then after I had been home for two weeks he tells me she just found out she is pregnant. And she got pregnant a month after they broke up. We had already started talking when he got her pregnant. But he says he loves me and I make him happy. I drove back to my parents again to spend time with him. But he also says he will always love her, but they just could't be happy together. Am I being used as a rebound?
Author beck1404 Posted May 6, 2004 Author Posted May 6, 2004 P.S I am thinking of moving back in town with my parents to be with him
Just Visiting Posted May 6, 2004 Posted May 6, 2004 I wouldn't move for someone who is on the rebound. He may have feelings for you, but this other woman is still prominent in his life. Now that there is a baby on the way.....it will make it even more difficult. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Save yourself a lot of heartache by keeping your distance. Best wishes.
befuddled11 Posted May 6, 2004 Posted May 6, 2004 You're absolutely, 100% the rebound-girl. This guy is in no position whatsoever, despite what he says or thinks, to be entering into another relationship...and if you pursue this with him, I'll bet you the farm that you'll end up being hurt. They have a baby that's on the way. Because of that, that's a very good reason that they'll end up reconciling and making more of an effort to work things out. If not now, when the baby is born. He's obviously lonely and hurting and looking for something or someone to fill the "void"...and you've been quite eager to do that. And even though he professes his love to you, it doesn't mean it's real true love. Chances are it's not. He has a responsibility here, to his unborn child.....he's got a lot of things to work through. And when the child is born, he hopefully (if he's worth anything as a man) will be a large active part of this child's life....more than just tossing his ex a check for child support each month. This is a sticky situation. Rebound relationships NEVER work out in the end.
befuddled11 Posted May 6, 2004 Posted May 6, 2004 Wait..I'm ASSUMING that this baby is his and that he's not accusing her of having gotten pregnant by someone else? If she got pregnant a month after he left, doing the math, they'd have still had sex at least once after the break-up. How do you know the full story? For all you know, he knew he'd gotten her pregnant and he didn't want to face up his responsibilities so he left her high and dry, while pregnant with his child. Don't assume "his" side of the story is the TRUE one.
Author beck1404 Posted May 6, 2004 Author Posted May 6, 2004 No, he has no doubts that it is his child. I guess deep down I know you are right. Thank you.
jayme1090 Posted May 7, 2004 Posted May 7, 2004 I don't mean to sound mean, but you are a rebound. If he tells his ex that he is still in love with her, how can he be in love with you?
jayme1090 Posted May 7, 2004 Posted May 7, 2004 not to mention that he is having a baby with her. It is just a matter of time till they decide to work things out. Find someone who is able to be with you.
meanttolive4ever Posted May 7, 2004 Posted May 7, 2004 do you think that if a guy breaks up with a girl and is with another girl like 2 weeks later...is that a rebound?
jayme Posted May 7, 2004 Posted May 7, 2004 yes. and especially if, like in Becks case, he says he is still in love with his ex
guest Posted May 7, 2004 Posted May 7, 2004 Yes, it sounds like you are being used. Find someone who is available to commit to you. This girl and their baby will always be a focal point in his life
meanttolive4ever Posted May 7, 2004 Posted May 7, 2004 Originally posted by jayme yes. and especially if, like in Becks case, he says he is still in love with his ex haha thats what my guy is doing..he's rebounding. He never took time out to have a real feel of loss. He never let it get to him..but i have a feeling that when it does hit him...all hell will break loose
Author beck1404 Posted May 8, 2004 Author Posted May 8, 2004 can anyone else please give me their input? I really need help!
meanttolive4ever Posted May 8, 2004 Posted May 8, 2004 Originally posted by beck1404 can anyone else please give me their input? I really need help! i would just let it go...specially if he has a kid on the way...there's nothing really you can do. i wouldnt move back...
Author beck1404 Posted May 22, 2004 Author Posted May 22, 2004 It has been a couple of weeks since my last post. He wants me to move down and is even going to help me. He is talking about us getting a place together. I know we have only been seeing eachother for two months, but still...
LILUIL Posted May 22, 2004 Posted May 22, 2004 hello! what's happened to his ex and the baby? where does he draw the line? are you sure he's committed to you and you alone or does he want his ex, baby, and you? dont decide immediately, how about telling him, you need time to think about this and see if he will pressure you.
ziggue Posted May 22, 2004 Posted May 22, 2004 Don't do it!!! I have been in a similar situation. You will save yourself the hurt and heartache not going through with it. You don't want another girl in your relationship. This guy (my Ex) had left his girlfriend who had a baby about a year ago. Asked me out and we got together about a month later. Everything was going pretty well before the Ex girlfriend started butting in. Everytime he wasn't with me, he was with her I am guessing. Helping out with his baby daughter. Maybe even sleeping with her as well. So she was saying in the messages. God only knows. How are you gonna deal with that when this baby is born? She got my mobile number and started sending me all these threatening messages. After he borrowed my Playstation One and some games they ended up getting smashed by the Ex girlfriend when she came over to his place with the baby. It got too hard when she (The Ex girlfriend) kept butting in. Even though I had never met or spoken to her in person. (Didn't want to face her). I ended up getting dumped in the end and he ended up moving back in with the bitch. I felt like I was only like a holiday/stress reliever from the problems my Ex had from his girlfriend and his baby. After the relationship ended. Just warning you this will most likely happen to you if the girl is still in love with your guy. She would probably do anything to get him back to be her boyfriend and to help her out with the baby. If you move in with this guy you are just gonna cause yourself more problems then you really need. Why put up with that when there could be something better out there for you guy wise? Even though I had to wait a long time (I know how hard it is to be single) for a decent someone (with no kids or pregnant Ex girlfriends) there was for me. Hopefully it lasts.
Author beck1404 Posted May 22, 2004 Author Posted May 22, 2004 well, I know he still cares about her. He makes her car payment and her cell phone is on his account so he pays that too. And he does call her to see how she is sometimes. But he says they can't be happy together. So I don't know
uriel Posted May 23, 2004 Posted May 23, 2004 Don't move in with him! At the very most, you might move back to where your parents live and GET YOUR OWN PLACE. Date him. If he stays true to you for a long time AFTER the baby is born, then consider a next step. Do not give up your living space or your career goals or your financial independence at this point. It's way too soon, especially for a guy who is having a baby with a woman he admits he loves and still financially supports. Most women with sense would run from this situation. It's asking for trouble. If you still want to stay involved with him, take it slow. There's every chance you're going to get dumped after alot of back and forth pain. Also, even if that doesn't happen, you'll need to accept that he'll be spending time picking up his child, talking to his ex, and -- in general -- coparenting. Will that worry and hurt you, knowing how he feels about her? If yes, why would you do this to yourself? Last of all, are you ready to be a generous, loving, mature stepmother to his love child with this ex? Think longterm. She'll always be his first child, before your own. Can you and he love them all equally? Are you ready to help support this child and possibly his ex financially with your paycheck as well? -- uriel
Author beck1404 Posted May 24, 2004 Author Posted May 24, 2004 actually, he says he doesn't want to know the child because he isn't ready to be a father. Isn't their any hope?
second place Posted May 25, 2004 Posted May 25, 2004 hi been in your situation I know sometimes your confused but if this is meant to be he'll do what he needs to do if he really wants to be with you give it 6months or more I did that & it worked except it was 6 yrs.
uriel Posted May 25, 2004 Posted May 25, 2004 [color=red]actually, he says he doesn't want to know the child because he isn't ready to be a father. Isn't their any hope?[/color] Hmm... Can the little boy or girl choose not to be born because he or she has been unlucky enough to be fathered by a man who isn't ready? Sounds like you've got yourself a real winner. -- uriel
Just Visiting Posted May 25, 2004 Posted May 25, 2004 Beck....the writing is on the wall....you are going to get burned by this. Be forewarned. I have been there and it is not a good place to be. I wish I could have seen it coming, but like you, I was convincing myself that it would work. In the end, it bit me in the a**. He went back to her and the 2 kids. A lesson learned.
Recommended Posts