TheMongoose Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 My ex and i broke up over 3 years ago, yet he still comes to every thanksgiving, family reunion, christmas, etc. We were together from the ages of 12-18 with little breaks in between so i understand that hes been around for awhile. In the last year were finally on good terms, i no longer hate him. Hes also brings his gf, the one he left me for once in awhile to these things and my family thinks shes the greatest thing. kinda a slap in the face. Neways shes really not bad there great together and really happy. The real problem is at this point is simply that ive been with my boyfriend now for 2 years. We have two kids(his with ex) and own a house together. My family like him but they dont treat him like they do the ex. Not to mention how he feels having my ex come to all these things. Ive talked to my family about this but they refuse to listen. They say my boyfriend should understand that the ex is family and he's going to have to just get along with him and get used to having him in our lives. They compare this to me getting along with the kids mother! I just dont know what to do. It bothers him to the point that he doesnt even want to go to anything of my families anymore..
somethingsimple Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I'm siding with your ex in this one. You're current boyfriend is tripping out. Unless, you're ex is doing things like making advances towards you or being disrespectful to your boyfriend, then its cool. You're current boyfriend needs to get over this insecurity. I understand your support for your current boyfriend, but your ex has found a connection with your family and they with him. It's not your call, completely. I also understand, the need for your current boyfriend to be uncomfortable. Like, I said its just insecurities and he needs to get over it. If your family is nicer to one person than another, is not grounds to like or dislike someone. Besides, it's not like its your ex is at fault for that.
Author TheMongoose Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 I actually never thought about it like that! I understand both sides. I was with my ex for a long time, we practically lived at eachothers houses growing up. He's also become really good friends with my brother throughout the years. I dont see his family anymore, only communicate on facebook once in awhile. But i sure do miss his family.
somethingsimple Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Yeah, just communicate with your boyfriend and make him feel reassured. It's kind of like the movie Meet the Parents.
Author TheMongoose Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 LOL it is! They have more of a history though. They went to school together, used to work together. But I actually dont know they knew eachother until the first family event. They have some kind of childish dislike for eachother. My ex wrote me a giant email about why i shouldnt be with my boyfriend and how i deserve so much better than him. And why would i chose to be with him out of all the people and blah blah. And i read messages my boyfriend sent to his bestfriend basically saying the same thing about how he thought i was better than that and he cant believe i ever dated the ex. In the last 2 years ive been trying to figure out why they dislike eachother so much but havent. My boyfriend has dropped saying anything negative about me ever being with my ex, but my ex still goes on about how i shouldnt be with my boyfriend.
iJester Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 You should have a talk with your ex, and tell him you'd appreciate it if he would stop coming to your family events. After this, you should stop engaging him in any way. If that doesn't work, you should stop attending your family events, and tell them exactly why when they ask. Tell them it makes you feel alienated, and it's him or you. Let them see what a Christmas without their grandkids is like.
FitChick Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 You should have a talk with your ex, and tell him you'd appreciate it if he would stop coming to your family events. ...you should stop attending your family events, and tell them exactly why when they ask. I agree. You don't have kids with the ex so he isn't FAMILY. Your parents can see him at other times, invite him and the new GF to dinner when you aren't there. Your parents sound selfish and clueless. Maybe you'd be better off without them. An alternative would be to invite only your parents and other family members to your house. Don't invite the ex.
sm1tten Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I don't understand this at all. But I'm wondering if when you spoke to your parents about this, did you say "It bothers [new boyfriend] to see [ex boyfriend] there?" Because if they think it doesn't bother YOU (their daughter) then that's somewhat different. I mean, to me, it's weird but if they think you're okay with it then I can see how they would figure that the new boyfriend should just get over it.
Author TheMongoose Posted September 4, 2011 Author Posted September 4, 2011 We fought about it today. I found out that they think that well see eachother one of these times and relize that were "perfect" for eachother and should get back together. I told them its not going to happen and they should forget about seeing my family(fiance and kids) until they accept that.
phineas Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 We fought about it today. I found out that they think that well see eachother one of these times and relize that were "perfect" for eachother and should get back together. I told them its not going to happen and they should forget about seeing my family(fiance and kids) until they accept that. This is what I was thinking as the only reason why they would keep inviting your EX to family functions. I'm willing to bet your current BF picked up on this as well but you didn't because well, you are over the ex.
Author TheMongoose Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 I decided to go straight to the source and write my ex an email. I explained to him that he's interferring in my relationship and he's hurting me by coming to MY family events. He told me he wasnt meaning to hurt me, that the only reason he comes is because he misses our friendship and i dont talk to him other than these events. I then told him that he knows we cant hangout like we used to and he knows that. Explains the why (My now fiance spent a year waiting for me after the breakup dealing with my constant crying,missing my ex and hating the exs girlfriend but through all that he still waited for me to fall for him. So he's not comfortable with us being friends and the ex's girlfriend doesnt like me. Ex made the mistake of telling her not only that he's loved me all his life and will always love me but he's also told her that he's happy he doesnt have to worry about other guys hitting on her like he did with me because nobody else would look at her twice, trying to be romantic im sure. But his girlfriend has told my family that she doesnt like me and he still has a pic of me and him as his computer screen? And she doesnt trust him to be alone with me.) Anyways he agreed to stop coming unless i invite him myself. I have a family thing Sunday so we'll see if he shows up or not. I dont believe my fiance will be attending due to my working so i will only be at families for about hr and a half. I told him he can come if he'd like its not required.
Author TheMongoose Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 And as you can see its been less than a week since i told my parents they wouldnt see me until they stop this. And ive already broken down and have agreed to go to there house on sunday. Im really bad about not talking to my parents.. They're my parents! I love them and everytime i dont pick up there calls or text them back i always think what if something happens to them today and there not here tomarrow. All they want is for me to be with someone who they know will do anything for me, i know my fiance hasnt shown that to them and he has a temper that worries my parents. I dont believe he should have to prove himself to my parents but i think thats a natural parent thing for them to like someone that they know will do anything for there daughter rather than someone that worries them.. My fiance and i have a lot of problems like everyone. I tend to complain to my family, which maybe i should stop doing. But while i was with my ex they didnt want me with him either. I think there just protective, nobody im with ever seems to be good enough for them at the time im with them. They always seem to think i deserve more than im getting. which i dont think is such a bad thing, just kinda sucks in this situation.
coolheadal Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I say it's wrong for your family to allow your ex to come over for functions. Just not fair to your current guy. Your right to tell your family off not to allow the ex to come over again and if he does you and your new guy won't be their no more!
Emilia Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I say it's wrong for your family to allow your ex to come over for functions. Just not fair to your current guy. Your right to tell your family off not to allow the ex to come over again and if he does you and your new guy won't be their no more! This is exactly right. Your family are wrong. My mother gets on very well with one of my exes but if I was uncomfortable about his talking to her, she would cut contact with him at once. If we had broken up because he left me for someone else she would never have spoken to him again. I'm actually gobsmacked that your family have so little regards to your feelings
coolheadal Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I see this always with my in-laws they tell me they see no harm doing so. I tell them it's just not right to do. Why bring in trouble where trouble could be left out. They see it as their friend and their son just have to live with it!
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