bluenightowl Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 For those of you getting back into dating after the end of a LTR, how did you feel about dating people? Do you feel like you didn't want anything serious, did you have issues trusting people again and took dating slowly, or did you want to have sex right away.
EnigmaticClarity Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 For those of you getting back into dating after the end of a LTR, how did you feel about dating people? I felt like I wanted another long-term relationship, but I had a bunch of new requirements to look for to hopefully prevent the next one from ending.
zengirl Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Right after? I don't date. A month or two after, I'm usually over it. I've never been truly "dumped" so I've always had a say in the breakup, which means it's not a long time. When I do start dating again, I look for the same thing: a relationship. That's now. When my HS sweetheart died, I was single for a year. And very much not looking. When I finally dated the college BF, I specifically looked for a guy who wasn't too nice because I knew I was still rebounding. A very unhealthy relationship dynamic all around, really. But that's a weird example. My two "most serious" LTRs were the HS Sweetheart, which I described (almost married him), and a guy I dated for a couple of years and lived with (my 4th BF) who I almost married. After the 4th BF, I moved overseas. First, I jumped around a bit doing ESOL camps, so I was never even in the same country for long enough to have a relationship. I went on some dates, but they were causal, short-term, no sex, mostly just having fun, usually dutch, etc. Young and carefree and abroad. When I moved and settled down, I met my next BF almost right away, though we didn't start anything for a couple months. We were together after our first date. I told that story in another of your threads.
Arikel Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I do want to be in a real, and loving relationship, but I'm not romantically interested in people I meet. I do compare them to my ex (his good points), but I don't compare them to his bad points. I find it hard to trust people and what they say, even though I know that I need to trust in a relationship. I know I will get over it, but I will never be that trusting and naive again. I will be taking dating real slow. Yes, I do want sex, with the right person this time
somethingsimple Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 After a major LTR ends, I just go on a dating binge. Usually, I try and find a connection to try and fill the void. But that usually goes nowhere. Then, I transition to meaningless dates/hangouts. Afterwards, I start dating romantically again.
Beachgirl8 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 When my LTR ended a few years ago, I hated being alone but knew I wasn't mentally stable enough for a new relationship, so I didnt take any interactions with men seriously for the first year. I tried to concentrate on developing my friendships, hobbies, health, and I read a lot. I'm really glad I took that approach too, because after 2.5 years I feel like I am finally on the verge of being able to be in a healthy relationship where i can give, and where my needs are actually met. I had a minor hiccup lately spending too much time with a guy I shouldn't have gotten involved with in the first place, but I feel like within the next few months I'll find someone to settle into a good routine with. So to answer your question after my LTR I recognized that I was in no shape to seriously date, and kept all interactions with men casual. Wait, let me clarify- I don't mean that I slept around indiscriminately having all sorts of ONS's and casual sex, I just didn't give enough time or attention to guys in general to let anything develop into a relationship.
oaks Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 For those of you getting back into dating after the end of a LTR, how did you feel about dating people? After an LTR of several years I didn't want to date for close to a year, then I sort-of wanted to date but didn't really do anything about it for several months, then I wanted to date and actively worked on that but unsuccessfully for a few months, then I signed up to some online dating sites and started getting dates. So by the time I had my first date after that LTR I was ready to date but I had 'forgotten' anything I ever knew about dating and I'm sure I was somewhere between nervous and scared and, unsurprisingly, didn't get a second date with her. Then I remembered that women are just people, and talking to people doesn't have to be scary, so it was fine after that. Do you feel like you didn't want anything serious, did you have issues trusting people again and took dating slowly, or did you want to have sex right away. None of the above.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 After an LTR of several years I didn't want to date for close to a year, then I sort-of wanted to date but didn't really do anything about it for several months, then I wanted to date and actively worked on that but unsuccessfully for a few months, then I signed up to some online dating sites and started getting dates. So by the time I had my first date after that LTR I was ready to date but I had 'forgotten' anything I ever knew about dating and I'm sure I was somewhere between nervous and scared and, unsurprisingly, didn't get a second date with her. Then I remembered that women are just people, and talking to people doesn't have to be scary, so it was fine after that. None of the above. It seems like a fairly healthy crowd here on LS. I'm surprised none of you went for the instant sex which I hear is such a common rebound trait.
carhill Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 For those of you getting back into dating after the end of a LTR, how did you feel about dating people? Indifferent. Reflecting on the totality of the past and the life benefits and lessons, it's just not high enough on my list of priorities to justify the strong and proactive call to action an average man must have to be successful. Simply put, the benefits do not justify the costs so I'll pass.
oaks Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 It seems like a fairly healthy crowd here on LS. I'm surprised none of you went for the instant sex which I hear is such a common rebound trait. I'm sure someone will come along with exactly that view any minute now, and there's nothing really wrong with it so long as there's no deception involved (eg pretending to want a relationship with no intention of that). I see plenty of online profiles that basically say "just out of a relationship so not looking for anything serious but want to date", and that's fine.
FitChick Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Right after? I don't date. I need time to heal and process what happened. I look inside myself and see what I could do to change myself to prevent it from happening again and to attract a different type of man. Six months after my engagement ended, I dated a very nice man but everything he did seemed to irritate me and make me angry. I realized it was misplaced anger so didn't continue the relationship because I knew I wasn't ready. It's not fair to inflict emotional damage on an innocent party.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 I need time to heal and process what happened. I look inside myself and see what I could do to change myself to prevent it from happening again and to attract a different type of man. Six months after my engagement ended, I dated a very nice man but everything he did seemed to irritate me and make me angry. I realized it was misplaced anger so didn't continue the relationship because I knew I wasn't ready. It's not fair to inflict emotional damage on an innocent party. Well said. Good for you for realizing it. I dated one women who it seemed just wanted sex and nothing else so I started to get suspicious. We were exclusive, but she finally realized she wasn't ready and was still dealing with the pain of a past relationship. Her honesty helped me get over her quite quickly. Its the ones who don't know up from down and think they are ready to date that have messed me up the most because you really start to wonder if its me or them and suddenly you find yourself processing things.
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