chucksagent Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 My current girlfriend and I live together. We will probably get married. We are VERY compatable and laugh all the time and our family and friends all get along great. BUT.... Before we were lovers we were friends. It didn't take long at all to go from friends to lovers, but there was a brief 2 month period where we just enjoyed talking to eachother and reviewing how bad our ex'es were. One of the things she would say about her ex is that he wouldn't go to things she wanted, wouldn't see movies she wanted, wouldn't go to her family get togethers, wouldn't go out with HER friends (always had to be his), they had an old home and he promised to make fixtures and remodel it - NEVER. He did NONE of these. He would abuse drugs (recreationally) and NOT give her money for bills...and they didnt go on a vacation in 8 years of marriage. YET, she would ALWAYS have a nice dinne ready when he got home and ALWAYS massage his feet because he would complain his feet hurt. I, on the other hand, already took her on a 5 star trip, best either of us has EVER been on...remodeled our new place its BRAND new looking from top to bottom...I ALWAYS do her family stuff (her family and I REALLY get along great and I love them), I'm always with her friends (and she with mine). Bottom line - I beat him in every category and she has said it and EVERBODY who knows her said it. I might come home to a cooked meal once a week and I ONLY ever get a massage if I ask for one (and it's never a foot massage). Why do the jerks get treated SOOO much better than the good guys?? PS: I mentioned this in pasisng to her (didn't make a huge stink) and she said because he worked later than me so it was easier to have it ready (no clue what that has to do with just making dinner) and because he complained his feet hurt she felt bad for him. So I said, "You and everyone else says I'm a million times better to you than he is, and I've NEVER done all this for any of my ex girlfriends...is there ANYTHING you do for me that you didn't do for him?" She couldn't think of anything.
creighton0123 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Why do they get treated so much "better"? Well... perhaps because in her starving for attention from her ex, she would reach out to him in ways that were sacrificial; by doing things she didn't want to do in order to please him and get his attention. You should be happy that she is more relaxed with you, even if that means you both have to share the duties in cooking dinner and offering up mutual body massages. The two of you are, after all, more emotionally connected than she was with her ex. You also have a mutual respect and willingness that she did not have in that particular, PAST relationship.
magnus mateo Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Dinner and foot massages should be a given in your relationship. And more! The fact that she justifies not doing those things for you should disturb you. Hopefully, she hasn't become too comfortable in your relationship and is taking you for granted. You seem like an amazing significant other. You deserve the presidential treatment. I hope you get things worked out.
denise_xo Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Why do they get treated so much "better"? Well... perhaps because in her starving for attention from her ex, she would reach out to him in ways that were sacrificial; by doing things she didn't want to do in order to please him and get his attention. You should be happy that she is more relaxed with you, even if that means you both have to share the duties in cooking dinner and offering up mutual body massages. The two of you are, after all, more emotionally connected than she was with her ex. You also have a mutual respect and willingness that she did not have in that particular, PAST relationship. I agree with this. I think it's absolutely fine if you don't feel that she gives you sufficient attention and you should communicate that to her, but I wouldn't use an old relationship that didn't last as a yard stick for what you have now.
Author chucksagent Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 See, I agree with all of you actually...Lol. A.) I think that was a BRILLIANT deduction that she was probably doing it to make him care more, get more attention, and probably get him to actually follow through on the stuff he promised. After pondering that for a bit, I hate to say you are absolutely right. (Like the middle child acting our for attention - sometimes even getting into trouble) B.) HOWEVER, is it really fair that a jerk be appreciated more and treated better than someone who holds her in such HIGH regard and does sooooo much for her because of his love for her. I don't do things for her expecting things in return, but when you hear that her ex who was a LOSER got more from her than me it HAS to make you wonder. C.) I communicated it to her the other night in a very civil/reasonable way. I said something along the lines of "I don't want to bring up your past or compare our relationship to your old one, but I don't think anybody who think it's fair or right for a jerk/loser to get amazing treatment while the doer/person who is there for you doesn't get top treatment." Well, it must have sunk in, because this weekend was AMAZING! She baked me homeade chocolate chip cookies Sunday night, gave me a full body massage after we went into bed (also Sunday night), and then Monday morning she made me breakfast and gave me a very "special" wake up call. LOL. It will be hard for her to top this weekend!!! haha Even though I solved (even if only temporary) my situation, I honestly think women (even men occasionally) need to be conscious of not treating bad people good and good people bad SIMPLY because they can. PS: My worry was also that she was getting too comfortable because I am MUCH more kind and easy going than her ex.
Recommended Posts