OriginalPenguin Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 So my GF of about 5 months and I had a good start to the night, we had not seen each other for a while, she came over and we made love. Everything was good, no fighting or tension or anything. About an hour later after some talking we started to go there again, we were not quite doing The Deed but we were both obviously ready for it. Out of nowhere she blurts out something like "My friend Joe said on Facebook something something something". I am not sure exactly what she said, something about BJs and flowers, because it was like having a bucket of water dumped on me so I didnt really hear all of it. It was a real mood killer for me, so I just sort of slinked away. And by slinked away, I mean that in every way possible. She didnt say anything at all. Didnt seem to really care that we were about to make love again and suddenly stopped. I could not imagine saying something so.....weird right before having sex to the one I love. Is this some sort of code for "I am not in the mood"?
TigerCub Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Well I don't know exactly how far along you 2 were, because you say "we were not doing the deed but we were both obviously ready for it" does that mean making out? cuddling & kissing? were you gonna stick it in right then? I dunno, that means a lot of things. I don't think its abnormal to talk to someone while you're in bed with them. Sure dirty talk is preferred and talking about facebook seems uber lame, but I can't really judge it unless I know where you were at. My boyfriend an I talk before the act (then all the talk is dirty), but before, we talk and sometimes, he'll say something so weird or dumb and I'll reply with "You're taking away my horny" (from the simpsons and we laugh and its whatever) and it doesn't kill the mood. Sometimes I start to giggle for absolutely no reason (and because I know that NOW is not the time for that, I just can't stop giggling) - my bf (thankfully is very secure with his equipment & therefore doesn't take that personally), just waits patiently, or kisses on me and I finally get back to business and its all good. I think its nice to be with someone that you can be anything with. I would be concerned if we're about to do it and suddenly he "slinks away" - I'd wonder what's going on. But maybe your gf didn't say anything at all because she didn't want to embarrass you or make you feel self conscious about not being able to perform anymore.
zengirl Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I'd need more specifics to judge. What she said and where you were with things would be important. I don't think I've ever talked about FB in bed, but I've definitely talked with a guy --- and not all dirty talk --- prior to or after sex. I mean, if he's inside me, I'm not going to tell him a story about my day or anything, but if we're just nuzzling, cuddling, and kissing, I might. All depends. At any rate, if it bummed you out, just find a way to convey that which is sensitive and appropriate. Humor always works, as TigerCub's example illustrates.
Author OriginalPenguin Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 Well I don't know exactly how far along you 2 were, because you say "we were not doing the deed but we were both obviously ready for it" does that mean making out? cuddling & kissing? were you gonna stick it in right then? Ok I don't want this to come off as a "Dear Penthouse" so lets just say passionite kissing, heavy petting. Really close to 'assuming the position" shall we say. I think its nice to be with someone that you can be anything with. Good point, maybe I am over thinking this? I would be concerned if we're about to do it and suddenly he "slinks away" - I'd wonder what's going on. But maybe your gf didn't say anything at all because she didn't want to embarrass you or make you feel self conscious about not being able to perform anymore. Well to be fair, the "slinking away" didn't happen until she brought up some random dude on Facebook. Maybe it's just me but when things are getting really hot and my GF starts talking about a guy, it is sort of a a jolt and makes me wonder why that is on her mind and not the guy right in front of her. Something tells me that very few women would appreciate it if the situation were reversed and their guy started talking about some chick they know right before they have sex.... Or am I off base there?
zengirl Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Something tells me that very few women would appreciate it if the situation were reversed and their guy started talking about some chick they know right before they have sex.... Or am I off base there? It depends what he said. If he said, "Man, Cecelia was wearing a sexy dress today," I'd be all, "WTF, dude?" But if he were just discussing people in some other way, I might be a little "Huh?" if the timing was weird, but I wouldn't be mad. I'd just laugh a little probably and see if he wanted to get back "on task." So, it really depends what she SAID about the guy IMO.
TigerCub Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Ok I don't want this to come off as a "Dear Penthouse" so lets just say passionite kissing, heavy petting. Really close to 'assuming the position" shall we say. Good point, maybe I am over thinking this? Well to be fair, the "slinking away" didn't happen until she brought up some random dude on Facebook. Maybe it's just me but when things are getting really hot and my GF starts talking about a guy, it is sort of a a jolt and makes me wonder why that is on her mind and not the guy right in front of her. Something tells me that very few women would appreciate it if the situation were reversed and their guy started talking about some chick they know right before they have sex.... Or am I off base there? Ooooh Dear Penthouse, You got me all hot with your description I totally do see your point, sometimes, we (the ladies) don't know when to shut up and when's an appropriate time to tell you our random stories Honestly, I do think you're reading too much into it, I mean, the story had something to do with BJ's right, maybe she thought it was appropriate to mention it then. I don't know your girl, but I doubt that she was thinking of this guy (the way guys go through their mental girl calendar during sex) If my bf mentioned some random fact about a girl he knew - I'd make fun of him a little and say something along the lines of "hey, lets call her up and have some fun with her" - and I know that he would be the one to be a little embarrassed by that and know that its time to shut up about it. Don't over think it. I think that if you told her to "look alive and focus" in a joking/playful manner, she'd get the hint and put a lid on the random chit chat.
Author OriginalPenguin Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 Ooooh Dear Penthouse, You got me all hot with your description . Sorry. You are probably right in that I am over thinking this. It was probably just a harmless thing to say and I took it the wrong way... Thanks for the perspective!
TigerCub Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Sorry. You are probably right in that I am over thinking this. It was probably just a harmless thing to say and I took it the wrong way... Thanks for the perspective! **licking lips** Anytime big boy haha, kidding. Really tho, glad I can help
Stung Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Maybe it's just me but when things are getting really hot and my GF starts talking about a guy, it is sort of a a jolt and makes me wonder why that is on her mind and not the guy right in front of her. Something tells me that very few women would appreciate it if the situation were reversed and their guy started talking about some chick they know right before they have sex.... Or am I off base there? My guess--and of course this is just a guess--is that you are indeed pretty far off base. I suspect that what you were supposed to be listening to was the part that you glossed over with "something something something" about BJs and flowers, not the "My friend Joe" part. I would have assumed she was trying to share something germane to the moment, that might make you laugh and lead to one of those very couple-y inside jokes, or give you a "subtle" hint about how she wants to be treated when she gives you a good BJ (like, maybe you should consider buying her some flowers now and then), and that part just flew over your head completely because you went into immediate sulk mode over the words "friend Joe." I agree with Tiger Cub that you are overthinking this, but I will go one step further and suggest that this points to you having some poor listening skills, if you have no idea what she was actually trying to talk to you about just because she framed it as being a tidbit she heard from a male friend. Anyway, something for you to think about and potentially an area for you to work on. If she continues to bring him up repeatedly, particularly in such intimate moments, then your upset and confusion would be justified IMO. But in this singular instance, my guess (again, only a guess) is that she was left wondering WTF and trying to pretend she wasn't hurt when you A) completely didn't listen to what she was saying to you and then B) went cold and flipped your sexual Off switch and walked away. If you don't want to hear the words "friend Joe" while you're nuzzling her neck, just shush her with a kiss and tell her you don't want to talk about him now, you want to hear where she wants your mouth to go next. But don't just turn off your ears, go into emotional shut down mode and walk away, that's never going to be helpful or constructive and she's definitely not going to learn anything positive from that behavior.
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